Lived Experience Forum

[Hhorse]

I won't lie I am going down the rabbit hole and have no light at the end.my whole world has changed and I'm tired of pretending.  Cannot find a shrink to take me on as it's workcover  and I won't do telly health. So everything is spiralling out of control. The silly thing is I actually feel really calm now I don't know why, just over being false. Is this normal? 

[Former-Member]

Hi @Hhorse 

I read your message and the most assertive part is what you call the silly thing is you really feel calm now.

I hope you can focus on what makes you calm.

Think about what upsets you.

Focus your mind on the reasons for the calm.

Glad you are on SANE.

Hope a new counsellor is found

[greenpea]

@Hhorse   am here if you need to talk most days x

[Hhorse]

I just got the email basically saying I'm terminated from my job of 29 years. I'm devastated. 

 I cannot get my head around what's happening. What's the point of being so miserable.

I really don't care anymore.  

[Former-Member]

Hi @Hhorse 

The email sounds not good and very shallow.

29 years. So loyal.

Re: "Whats the point of being so miserable"

What do you mean? It can be read a few ways.

I hope you are financially stable as the situation is tough with the cost of living at the moment

[Former-Member]

Hi @Hhorse 

If 

Re: "Whats the point of being so miserable"

Means no point being miserable, i commend you and agree. If something happens we have to look forward. Being miserable holds us back. Still tough. Good on you

[Hhorse]

Things are getting out of control.  I'm drowning.  Thinking about sucide all the time ( not acting) smashed my arm against a door frame and the pain felt good.. there is no light at the end of my tunnel  just blackness..

[simplesymbol]

Hi @Hhorse,

It is sad that you feel that there is no light at the end of your tunnel right now and I hope you notice a change soon that makes things easier.  I'm relieved you aren't taking action towards suicide.  Do you already have a safety plan? 

Sometimes there's nothing you can do but to weather the storm.  Whatever the case, I'm confident people on the forum can relate to some of what's going on for you, so I encourage you to share.

If you do find yourself feeling in crisis, reach out to any of the below services.

Lifeline: 13 11 14 or Crisis Chat 

Suicide call back service: 1300 659 467 or online counselling 

Samaritans: 135 247 

If in immediate danger: 000

Stay safe and thanks for sharing.

[Hhorse]

I'm just going through the motions it's like treading water. I've spent 2 years relearning to walk and because I had sepsis     ( it would of been better if I had died) and now the surgeon wants to remove all the plates and screws in my leg due to constant infections, I just canot cut a break.  I've had 8 months of massive antibiotics 3 times a day and yet it keeps coming back. I'm so so tempted to let nature take its course but hubby won't let that happen.. there is a place for assisted dying. I'm sick of fighting.

[Former-Member]

Hi @Hhorse 

I cannot imagine the process

There is a place for assisted care

And you are lucky your husband is willing to do that role.

Lucky you have a caring partner.

Thoughts are with you