Hello everyone, I am a newbie and have a few issues at hand.
Yes hardship Olympics it is called when you have a difficult mother in your life and my mother being difficult is an understatement. My mother and I have had our constant ups and downs from when I was child right up until I had my own kids and got married and it's still going as of today. the things I would touch on will be bullet points below.
1....My mother has been constantly telling me I am a disappointment to her and she will not give me the courtesy and tell me why, surely I am not to have to guess or make an assumption to this comment.
2....she has been negatively talking about me to my brother for the last 35 years since hes been living overseas, I know this because he let it slip in a viscous email he sent me, and my mother is refusing to fix things with my brother and I and he has taken her one sided story to heart, I tried explaining things to him and he totally didn't want to know my side.
3....My mother told my brother that I hated her and dad and that I have been harassing her and he believed it, he believed it all even though I put my parents first before my own kids and husband and I totally regret that now, my marriage has since ended and my brother didn't even want to hear my side of things. what I was doing was offering advice, comments and opinions especially when my mother told me she felt pressured when doing her WILL. , with the trustee and guardian.
4....My mother intermittently tells me she doesn't want to talk to me anymore if I offer a suggestion, comment, advice or my opinion.
5...My mother is refusing to fix things between us and her reason is ( because I don't want to)
6...I put my life, my kids and marriage on hold to help my mother care for my father in his last years of life and she told my brother I stole money from them when I got married because my mother said her and dad had to pay for my so called ungrateful wedding, I pointed out to my brother that mum and dad willingly accepted to pay for said wedding and also willingly accepted to be a part of the wedding and he still told me I grifted from them thousands of dollars, my first thought was seriously am I reading his email correctly, my parents and husband hated each others guts, On my wedding day instead of my mother telling me I looked beautiful in my white gown and veil she blurted out in front of my bridesmaids and I quote....You weren't supposed to get married, you were supposed to stay here with us and look after your father and I when we get old, she turned and left the room, I just about burst into tears until my bridesmaids told me my makeup will run, don't cry, it was hard not too cry.
7...My brother also let it slip in his email that Mum had changed her WILL while he was back home for a holiday....then I started thinking, Ok I think I know why mum is causing all this grief between us now, she did mention in a heated argument that I was no longer in her WILL and she has given my brother strict instructions that he is not to tell me when she has passed away, because that then gives me the opportunity to contest her WILL and shes probably thinking why should I deserve to get anything, after all I am a monster and did a terrible thing in putting my life on hold to help my mother care for my father.
8...All her regular rants telling me she doesn't want to talk to me anymore yet she was still happy to take my weekly phone calls to her and ping pong emails on a daily basis and things were ok for a while UNTIL my brother came home for a holiday and it was then that my mother told me ( stop contacting me I don't want to talk to you anymore) just 3 days before my brother was arriving.
9....My mother has told me she does not want me contacting my brother, she said he doesn't want to hear from me...well I would like to hear that from my brothers own mouth thank you.
10...My mother threatened me when I told her I was organizing mediation for the two of us, she said if she gets a phone call from anyone at mediation she said she will make me regret it and report it to police.
11...I'm confused to say the least, if I am a monster why was she happy to take my weekly calls and daily emails, we would talk on the phone for more than 2 hours no issues it was respectful and good and then my brother comes homes for 10 days and it all goes to the dogs, I have a feeling my brother had a hand in my mothers turnaround attitude towards me because since my brother went home to America my mother has been ignoring me more than usual, but what makes me livid is when I told my mother I had been assaulted by my husband she straight away said, your a liar, even though their are court records avail of the assault and also police records and photo's of my injuries and my 2 lots of jaw surgery I needed to fix my face after the assault, yet she still say's i'm a liar, what sort of mother does that, she had it all in front of her and still says i'm lying, she must be blind or hates me that much but again im getting no real or valid feedback, because quite frankly I feel like I am GUESSING the situation but even if my guess is right, my mother should step up to the plate and confirm things with me, and not just keep saying I don't want to talk you anymore and then a few days later I get an email and things seem to be good and then she will complain to me about something that's not right in her life and I offer my input and she says I dont want to talk to you anymore then a few days later I get another email and it all seems good again and I say, I will call you on Sunday as usual and she says yes that will be good, so I call her and we talk for hours no issues. she complains that people are only hearing my side of the story, but she's not willing to do mediation so she can have her side of events heard, this is more than ridiculous, it's infuriating and upset me, I just finished 12 sessions of counseling and even my counselor wasn't sure what was going on. I am ok I'm just seeking answers as to why a mother would not be willing to tell me why am I a disappointment and why she doesn't want to fix things to make it right, because my mother is refusing feedback and she also refusing help and I suppose your all thinking well girl it's right in front of you all the intermittent shut downs isn't that enough...well I'm not going to take her hint because my mother should confirm with me her reason for disappointment her reasoning to refuse help in the form of mediation, her reasoning behind telling my brother I stole money from them and that she believes I hated them even after I bent over backwards to help, because out of my brother and I I'm the only one that actually hung around to pick up the pieces when my father passed away, my brother never even came home to see our father before he passed even though their was plenty of opportunity for him to come back for goodbyes, my brother came home 2 days before dads funeral and then left 1 day later to go back to America again and my brother left it for 15 years after dads passing before he decided to show his face for a holiday at mums and it was me picking my mother up off floor in grief and taking her shopping and Dr appointments and out for coffee etc. I think my mother has her priorities all screwed up, not to mention you don't tell someone they are a disappointment and then not follow that up with a reason, or the reason you dont want to fix things, if its simply because my mother thinks I'm undeserving of any of her deceased estate when the time comes, again she needs to say it out loud, because I fail to believe I am the monster she is making me out to be when I did everything for that woman before and after dad passed even though before that we had our intermittent issues of not talking, but then she would lead me along letting me think everything was ok, until I said something or my opinion and she didn't like it. Thank you in advance for whoever reads this or can offer input etc, I feel like this would not be a unique situation to me but I feel like its weird nonetheless.
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13 YARN
