Lived Experience Forum

[Exhausted-mum]

Hi I have to kids 5 and 2. I was diognosed with post natal depression with my first child. Ever since having my second I have relised I have had anxiety for a long time but it only started getting bad when I had my second child! I find myself snapping at my children and I very irritable. My anxiety gets worse when my kids fight, cry and winge I just would like to know that another parent had gone through this and I'm not alone! 
I would like some tips on how to stop me from getting snapping so quickly. I have tried to walk away but they just follow me and it makes my anxiety worse. Hope this makes sense and sorry for the spelling and punctuation it's not my strength. 

[StuF]

@Exhausted-mum 

Welcome!

I have no parenting experience, but I'm sure you're not alone. Others can offer more help

You've come to a good place 🙂

[Anastasia]

Hello @Exhausted-mum and welcome.

Oh dear you are rightly exhausted, you have two children!

I am sorry you suffered post natal depression. That would have been extremely emotional and difficult. 

I too have anxiety and so I know how awful it is and feel for you and I'm sorry your struggling. It is exhausting to say the least keeping two children looked after and loved. I am sure you are doing a fabulous job. If you didn't care you wouldn't be reaching out. So well done to you 🙏

It's really important that you make time everyday for yourself. You're probably saying in your head, "yeah right, like I'm going to find time..." You have to. Otherwise you'll come to resent your kids. 

Have you heard of the saying "you can't fill from an empty cup" - you need to nurture yourself hun.

Think of an aircraft, your mask must be out in first in order to save/help your children. 

It doesn't have to be big, just time out to do something for you. To accomplish something for yourself. Even just file your nails, wash your hair...little things that you can build on. 

Children need to follow by example, learn that they have to amuse themselves. Learn that their Mum and Dad have needs to. Self care isn't selfish, it's necessary. 👍

Does that make sense? I have two kids but they're big now, men really. Although I still see them as my babies 💞 

There are lots of parents here that I have no doubt will relate and enjoy swapping stories.

Chin up, you're the best Mum for your kids, don't ever doubt that. 👍💐

P.S we don't judge here so don't worry about typos etc, I have lots often 😁

[BPDSurvivor]

Hi @Exhausted-mum ,

First of all, a big hug to you.

Motherhood in itself can be so exhausting, let alone for two children. Exhaustion can exacerbate anxieties and frustrations, our already-vulnerable selves are prone to.

Do you have any informal supports around you who can provide some respite? Family, friends?

Do you have any formal supports to help you strengthen your coping mechanisms? Psychologist, counsellor?

Are your children childcare or school age yet?

Also, consider the power of the breath. If you can mindfully control your breathing, it will slow things down. This takes training and practise. It's taken me years to 'get it right' to the point of knowing it works. Maybe download the 'Smiling Mind' app, and begin there?

Another thing... when things are tough, take your children and just give them a BIG HUG. Tell them, "mummy needs a little rest". Don't underestimate their understanding.

All the best supermum!

BPDSurvivor

[Exhausted-mum]

Thank you for your reply,  I'm definitely trying to work on the self care thing and yes that's exactly what pops in my head when people say you need you time! Thanks for the tips though it makes sense just to explain to them that Mum needs to do this for herself.

[Exhausted-mum]

my kids are in daycare a preschool oldest goes to school next year. I do have a great support system but my little one is so full on he doesn’t get to have many sleepovers.I am looking into seeing a therapist soon. Thank you I’ll try working on my breathing. Thank you for the reply

[Anastasia]

Hello @Exhausted-mum 

You sound like you know what to do. Even advice can be exhausting, can't it. I feel for you. If you pop an @ in front of our names we'll receive a notification, I'd love to stay in touch that way 💐

I'll tag a few Mum's to say hi 

@Snowie @Bow @Faith-and-Hope @Eve7 @Lee82 @greenpea 

@BPDSurvivor see above message for you x

[Snowie]

Hello @Exhausted-mum 

Firstly welcome to the Sane Forums. I hope you find the support you are looking for here.

I have two children at home so know how hard it can be, especially when we are dealing with our own mental health too. It feels like an uphill battle at times.

Please take care of you 💕💕

[Exhausted-mum]

@ Anastasia thank you! Yep I know what to do it’s just actually doing it that I find hard sometimes!

[Bow]

Hey @Exhausted-mum  firstly welcome 🙂

you sound like you are on the right track. Motherhood is so exhausting and I agree with what others have said in that self care is so important. 

im a single mumma to just one, she started school this year and although I absolutely love being a Mum, it is so exhausting, especially with my own mental health issue. And kids will pick up on your stress and they just know when to push your buttons even further- my daughter does anyways. 

having supports around you is vital! I live with my folks for many reasons, but I am so thankful for their help and support. I am trying really hard to not feel so guilty when I rely on them for some me time or to take care of myself when needed. I also had to give into the massive guilt when I put my daughter in preschool and even vacation care this school holidays if for nothing but everyone's sanity. 

We really do need to do what we need to do to get by sometimes and that offers comes with such overwhelming guilt. Learning that I am important too ans sometimes I need to do things that I didn't plan to do, letting go of the 'dream' and doing what you need to just survive at times.

hope you find your tribe here cause it takes a tribe 🙂