Lived Experience Forum

[Historylover]

TW

Guys, I just need to talk. I am feeling so low that I just can't see myself pulling out of this one. I have no reason to, and nothing in my life to look forward to.

I mentioned some time ago that my ex-psy gave me a terminal diagnosis when he so sadistically traumatized me 3 years ago after undermining everything I had worked to achieve. I can't recover. Being suicidal for 3 years has taken a toll. I decided to fill in my remaining time with things I had wanted to achieve. I have done this and there's now nothing else left to do. 

I have withdrawn from my course which had been keeping me going. Dealing with such an array of personalities among the staff was doing my head in. They were like 'a box of chocolates', never knowing which flavour would present next. I find better teaching on YouTube. And that is actual teaching, not prerecorded videos. 

I can't live without my daughters, or with the lies that have been told about me. I only know of three major ones, so who knows what else has been said? I can't defend/deny what I do not know, and there would be no point in it anyway. No-one has ever been my champion.

Mother's Day will be hard this year. The last one I had with my family, they pretended that it was just an ordinary day until their disrespect brought me to tears. I gave them my best, my all, and had prided myself on it. 

I have nothing to live for anymore and I won't try any more socialising. I am now officially a recluse. Every day is becoming more of a drudge, and everyone is waiting for me to finish what they started. It's hard to take. I'm just winding down.

I've resigned myself to the fact that this is just my fate. I tried to change it, to change course, but it all just keeps happening in different settings. There's nothing left to try, and I haven't got the strength anyway. I'm just broken.

I guess I'm just getting in early to say that I have enjoyed your company and support through the past 3 years, and to thank you for it. I hope others have enjoyed my company too. It's been a treat to banter with everyone. I'll limp on a while longer. 

Still safe. (No private emails, please, moderators).

[Kyle1]

oh gosh... @Historylover 

I am sorry to hear you're having a tough day...

A tough three years...

I can relate to some of your particulars, you know?.. There are some things that once held so much hope. Yet now only hurt... 

This morning I woke up like a baby. And by that, I mean, sobbing. Literally telling the wall "ITS NOT FAIR-R-R!!..." And it wasn't because I missed the arora again...

It's a smokey sky here anyway. 

I'm available if you feel like chatting with me. 🤍

[Historylover]

Thanks for your support, @Kyle1. Today really is tough going here, but when you said that you missed the aurora again, it brought a smile to my face. I was going to watch the eclipse through a pinhole reflection onto the concrete path, but I forgot about it! It may not have been visible in Melbourne anyway, but I did see it on television. Some fascinating things in our world.

Sorry to hear that things aren't going too wonderfully for you, too. Perhaps things will look better for you in the future. I hope so. There's so much that really is not fair. And that's an understatement. 

[Kyle1]

The moon's affect on earth. That's pretty fascinating! @Historylover 

We do tend to take things like that for granted, naturally...but if we tune in again for a moment?.. WOW!

And the questions!! Like, if Tesla is right and there is no gravity; does that mean the moon's affect is more related to our magnetosphere than we realise, or less?? ...

Or does earth just suck??

[chibam]

Hi @Historylover .

I really don't know what to say that hasn't already been said. You know how relatable our situations are to one another, so you know how well I can appreciate your predicament.

I guess the only thing I can offer is that yes, to answer your question, I have certainly enjoyed your company here over the years, and I'm sure many others have, too. 🙂🤗

I hope the days ahead are kinder to you.

[Historylover]

Astronomy is certainly an area I would like to know more about. I always watch those universe programmes. I'm sure they are all repeats but it all helps to get my head around it.

I wasn't aware of Tesla's assertions, @Kyle1. Perhaps I'll have to look into his works. For me, I'm sticking with gravity. 

(Though earth does suck. My earth does, anyway.😒

[Historylover]

Thanks, @chibam. It's always good to hear from you. I hope the days, and life in general, are being a little kinder to you than to me. 

I don't know what else to say but thank you. 🫠 I hope you're doing alright.

[Kyle1]

And in fields a little more esoteric, eclipses and solar flares and auroric activity can trigger depressive episodes... @Historylover 🤔

[Historylover]

Well, it's certainly done so here, @Kyle1 but, for me, it's an ongoing episode. 😟

[Kyle1]

I just read this a second ago...

"Sometimes we don't get what we want because we deserve better" .....

@Historylover