Lived Experience Forum

[UnNamed]

@TB83 I too am suffering severe anxiety. I had my 1st panic attack in the street with my 13 year old child 12 weeks ago and my life has turned upside down.

I've had to cut my work hours and duties which can't last much longer as my role is supporting students get through their final years of high school. In particular students with mental health challenges. I'm expected back to my regular role and hours 1st week of February.

I struggle to smile or laugh or meet people - when normally I'm the super active car full of kids fun mum who's involved in everything and puts her hand up for everything and chats to everyone everywhere.

I too feel like you and hope to have my life back. These last 12 weeks have been incredibly difficult. I've been hospitalised twice. Once as I thought I might be having a heart attack and another time when the medication my GP perscribed was not suitable for me and tipped me into a dark psychotic episode. (Do not take new meds unsupervised - make sure your family is aware and monitors you).

Today at work my body jerked and twitched 22 times and in all different places from eye to foot. I couldn't smile and kept feeling I was on the verge of a panic attack. I had 4 hours of meetings which I usually like and give my input - now everything at work is scary. Right now I'm home after 6 hours in the office I'm a bit calmer and less scared.

Here are some things I'm doing to help myself function and prevent those thoughts of wanting to die as some days are so hard. When I do have those thoughts I talk to someone and let them know.

I walk or swim nearly everyday. This is new to me as I've never been a person to excersise daily. I'm finding at the 20 minute mark of walking or swimming I start to ease into it and by 40 minutes I start feeling some glimpses of joy and my shoulders/neck relaxes.

I meditate 2 to 3 times a day using the Headspace APP. I got the free trial and found it was calming me a little so looked online for a discount voucher and treated myself to a year. However due to these trying times they do have a bundle of free meditations and guided courses on the APP. 

I not been able to watch movies as they trigger me and I panic however I've found some very calming youtube creators just speak calmly and gently out their simple lives in the country or journaling.

I've had some counselling sessions. My counsellors taught me about panic attacks & anxiety using YouTube videos and books by Bev Aisbett which I borrowed from my public library and found very useful for me.

I also borrow the magazines called Breathe from my public library. I read an article a day while sitting out in the sunshine. I aim for 20 minutes of full sun in my backyard or the beach for vitamin D which is linked to happiness. Breathe has a lot of useful advice which is not too overwhelming or exhausting. From hormones, to vitamins, to sleep, to yoga and so on.

I've been open on my FB about my mental health and breakdown in posts on my wall. Friends have been incredibly supportive and full of good advice. A huge number of friends have messaged me and told me they are also suffering or have suffered in the past. I selected those I don't want to see my post in my privacy settings - for example young family members & friends I don't wish to distress.

I've been learning about perimenopause which is linked to anxiety as hormones go up and down.

I've changed my diet to be kinder to all the important hormones.

I now do lots of things to get as much sleep as I can in the night. No devices 2 hours before sleep so the blue light doesn't impact melatonin. Only relaxing music or nature sounds playing quietly in the evening. A small glass of tart Cherry juice to help my melatonin also a banana before bed. I meditate before bed. 2 times a week I foot soak in magnesium salt before bed which I was able to get in the supermarket near the vitamins ect.

I also found a massage therapist who comes to my home and is passionate about women's mental health. I get her in once a month and my family stay super quiet so I can enjoy the 1.5hrs of masssge as a self care need.

12 weeks ago I didn't do any of these things. My life is now upside down and these things all take time. But 2 hours less of TV at night means I can fit some of this in. Also my reduced work hours. When I'm back full time I will struggle to fit this in - but if I don't get better or manage this I don't think I will be able to continue to work. I rarely took lunch breaks - when I do return my lunch breaks will be used as my self care/love time. I will eat mindfully in a park or gazing at the sea. No longer will I eat in front of my computer giving my time away as my reduced hours have eaten away all my rec leave.

This was long - phew. But maybe some of my lifestyle changes could be useful for you.

[Rebecca4]

Oh my goodness - I feel exactly the same. It’s horrible and my zest for life is diminishing. I have a supportive loving family, friends - but it’s what’s in my head and it feels so real. 

[tyme]

Welcome @Rebecca4 ,

I'm glad to hear you can relate. It's true what you said about that which is in your head being so real. 

I've been there before too. My thoughts engulfed me. I was living in my own head. It was so hard to get through each day that way.

I do have to say that talking therapy did help. It taught me to identify and articulate the thoughts, thus giving me some breathing space.

[Rebecca4]

Talking therapy as in a psychologist?

[tyme]

Yes, a highly skilled psychologist to teach me to work on changing my thinking patterns. One who is gentle enough to push you to go further, but not over step the line @Rebecca4 .

I engaged with regular therapy once a week for an hour. My therapist helped a lot. It was a good balance between meds and therapy in that there wasn't a total reliance on either. Each complemented each other in a way that worked.