Misunderstood & Alone

[avant-garde]

Apparently I've been a member for 7.5 years... but never posted...

I've had a complicated forum history... but who knows... maybe this will help...

I feel alone in the world and it wouldn't be far from the truth...

There is so much I am dealing with right now that I struggle not to break into tears at the sheer concept of it all...

This last week has been a nightmare of it's own sort... a nightmare with glimmers of hope... but predominantly a nightmare... that's beside the point though...

• Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
• Seizures of an unknown origin (suspected as functional/dissociative)
• Abuser within the church I am a member of
• Low iron levels
• Psychologist that says my trauma is too complex for her to treat effectively
• Christmas
• Been homeless for the greater part of this year
• Remaining invisible from my family
• Ear infection
• Hearing aids
• Trauma induced neurodivergency
• Police needing more information (in the new year now)
• Needing more support but not finding it when I need it

I wish people could understand...

AG

[MJG017]

Hi @avant-garde.  I'd say welcome to the forum, but it seems like you've been here far longer than I have.  I hope it helps you to finally post your thoughts and you can feel less alone and more heard and understood.

Clearly you are dealing with so much and I can understand how exhausting it must be, but reaching out here not to mention doing it after dealing with so much for so long speaks volumes of your strength and resilience... even though you may not see it, it's there.

I do have my own experiences these past few years in having multiple physical health issues, some extremely serious, just adding on to a life time of mental health challenges and it is certainly easy to feel overwhelmed and like it's just too much at times.  Especially with little to no family support.  We all deserve that support and understanding.  I found a lot of that here since joining earlier this year and I really hope you find that as well, because it's helped me so much.

So I hope you can feel less alone here and that you can continue to see those glimmers of hope.  Sometimes even just those glimmers can get us through the darkest of times.  We're here to listen and support you if we can.

[avant-garde]

I had a question and wasn't sure where to post it...

It feels odd that people are taking an interest in me here... I'm so not used to that! 

I guess I'm asking... why?

[Cleo2]

@avant-garde why not? We're all humans here. Talk away.

[avant-garde]

@Cleo2 

Because people don't typically bother to try and get to know me... they deem me too much hassle to be worth knowing... that I'm too much drama...

It feels odd for someone to treat me otherwise...

[Cleo2]

@avant-garde . There are lots of people out there with lots of drama in their lives. You are not alone in that. That's why this site is so good. You can get it out and hopefully focus on other things. [edited by moderator]

[avant-garde]

@Cleo2 . It's not that I'm too much drama... it's that my life has more obvious difficulties...

And although people may not want to hear it... there's a difference between wanting to and being willing to...

[Cleo2]

I don't think you're too much drama. And you're right about the difference between someone wanting to and willing to.

[MJG017]

Hi @avant-garde 

Everyone on this forum is here because we all have our own issues and have found this a great place to be heard, understood and support each other.  I guess if you've had a life without that empathy, understanding and support, it would feel pretty weird.

People here will take an interest basically because they care and they want to help and support other people here.  It's what "peer support is all about.  I know from experience that it does take a while to get used to.  To learn to trust that other people can be interested in my issues.

I read you post on Running, and I really don't know what to say in reply to it.  What can anyone say in reply to that apart from how horrifically and unimaginably terrible it must be and how strong you must be to have survived any of it!  No one should ever have to be in a position to try an survive any of that!

Just know that as hard as your story must be for people to hear, it's nothing compared to how hard it would have been to live through.  People here care about anyone who joins up here and will do what they can to support them.  It may feel strange but this is a safe place to share as much or as little as you feel comfortable with and you don't have to feel alone or like no one is interested.  Like I said, just as we come here for support for ourselves, we also come to give that support back.

[avant-garde]

@MJG017 

Greater the hurt, greater the help, as deep as ones hurt lies the potential to love to that same capacity. 

Having been through so much enables me to relate to so many more...

The ones that are close to me say what a great encouragement I am for my tenacity, empathy and compassion, that it's a privilege that I would trust them to walk beside me... and how much I encourage them just by being me...

It may be unfamiliar but it's not a bad unfamiliar...