Lived Experience Forum

[mumstruggling]

@EVD thank you. I feel brave today. I appreciate you linking the number and the email I will make note of those in case things start to wobble. I imagine this will be a long road. I know you are right there's no way of picking a eating disorder based on physical appearance and I will go back to my gp again and follow this up.

[Former-Member]

Hello again mumstruggling,

I am so sorry to read about your brother - sending you a big, warm hug.

Also sorry to read that your friends brushed you off in your time of need. That must hurt leaving you feeling even more distressed. Some people move away from us in times of need because either they don't know what to say or how to cope. Not because they don't care. Don't take it to heart - know now that you have friends on here that care and will support you. Sometimes we may not be able to answer your posts straight away due to personal commitments but we will always reply as soon as we can. We are here for you always. Lean on us.

Going through a divorce my friend and watching a love one suffer with a terminal illness is some of the greatest stressors we can face in life. When divorcing, even if it may be what we want, for the best or not what we wanted - it is still a loss, an end to a relationship - like a death with dreams being tossed to the wind; and there can be a grieving process involved that makes us feel down for awhile. There needs to be time for adjustment and it can be rough whilst we go through this process leaving us feeling drained, down, scared, worried and anxious. Quite normal reactions. And on top the added hardship of raising children alone and what the future will bring.

All the above great stressors/pain to carry - and your reaction to this is quite normal. 

Most would lose their appetite under those stressors/losses/grief/fear you are experiencing and it is so important to talk about it and gain the support you need to help you through. 

When we encounter such life adversities as you are - it will bring any disposition in us towards depression up to the surface again. This doesn't necessarily mean we will suffer from it all our life. It's about how we deal with life stressors at the time to aid healing so we can move on. That is why it's so important to talk about what pain we are going through and to devise coping strategies now. You have already started to do this - well done you!! Keep fighting as you will get through this!

Sometimes we do have to force ourselves to eat healthy when we feel we are spiralling downwards as this nutrition will make us stronger to face and deal with each day. It will help fight the grief/depression/stress and we will be happier for it in the long run. Good move on your part to a happier you 🙂

Feel proud of the strength and resilience you are showing now. You have what it takes to beat this depression - one day at a time.

It is so good to read that you are having a good day. It helps to just talk to others sometimes releasing a weight off our chest. A problem shared is a burden halved. You will have good days and bad but as time goes on the bad days will get less and the good days will get more. Take heart as you will get through this and start to feel better gradually. And we will always be here for you on the bad days to help you through. Pop on when you need us. One day at a time my friend.

[mumstruggling]

@Former-Member thank you. <br>And you are right the divorce and my brothers cancer are big things. I think I have a tendency to try minimise things and also have a certain level of emotional blocking going on. I push down my feelings a lot and I guess they then come out in other ways. <br>I must say though I didn't loose my appetite. I was resisting my hunger and thinking about food 24/7 what to eat what not to eat . Totally obsessing. Just loosing my appetite would have been easier. <br>But like I said I'm making changes. And I don't know why but today they are working.<br>And after coming online and getting all this support I feel less alone. Which is a blessing. I'm a bit sad that my friends have not supported me at this point. But today that's OK too. Thank you for letting me speak and offering on going support. <br>

[mumstruggling]

Yeah so all my positive has come crashing down. I just can't seem to find middle ground. I just want my self control back.

[Former-Member]

Hi mumstruggling,

Sorry to read that you are experiencing a setback, a bad day; - take a deep breath and try again. The process of finding that middle ground can be bumpy for awhile until we get there so don't despair, as if there is a will there is always a way and there is much to work through yet. But gradually it gets easier. Hold onto hope.

In my experience with stress/depression/lack of will and control - mornings are the hardest. I could of been in a determined and positive mindset the night before and wake up feeling low. That's the nature of the black dog.

To take back control Of your life the key is to push forward despite those negative feelings and with baby steps do the opposite to what those feelings dictate and fill your day with activities/strategies that will take you to that middle ground. Whether that is eating healthy or fulfilling those activities you planned to do. Don't let your mood stop you. Be determined to do the latter and by evening you may feel better - pushing through by an act of will.

Like anything strengthening the will takes practise and resilience - if we fall off the horse keep getting back on and try again. But don't give up. Don't give into the mood. The more we do this the better we will feel and the easier (but never easy) it will become.

Then the process starts again the next day - but gradually with persistence and mind over matter (not letting our emotions rule) with doing the above we become stronger and gain more control over our lives.

Also try not to continue to push down those feelings/emotions/what is troubling you as they will come out as anxiety/depression - let them out - keep talking about what is troubling you deep down, what is causing your pain. Sometimes we push it so far down we are not even in touch anymore or realise what the problem is. It needs to be dug up and put to pasture.

Hope your day gets better 🙂 xx

[mumstruggling]

Thanks @Former-Member
I'm doing my best. Looking to see when I can see my gp or see another one asap. Motivation is low today and I've got a cold but I'm giving myself a few small tasks to complete.thanks for continuing to reply to me. Feel like I'm being incredibly needy.

[Former-Member]

Your welcome @mumstruggling

I always feel miserable and run down when I have a cold. Good to read that you are going to see your GP soon - let us know how you get on. My friend, all any of us can do is our best - you are doing well.

Never feel needy for seeking support - this is what this forum is all about. You are acting in your bests interest by reaching out and that is a positive thing. And we are more than happy to support you. Hope you feel better soon. Warm hugs xx

[Shimmer]

Hi @mumstruggling and @Former-Member,

Just thought I'd let you know that we're having a Topic Tuesday discussion tonight from 7-9pm in the Carer's Forum here about recovery from disordered eating. Our special guest will be from Eating Disorders Victoria.

Love to "see" you there if you're interested!

Shimmer