Lived Experience Forum

[peony1]

hi

currently, i'm feeling a bit lost. i've struggled with my eating for nearly 4 years now. i've experienced both extremes. severe undereating and overeating. i've tried a lot of things, and overcome a lot too. but currently, the part i struggle with is my emotions. i can quickly become anxious or overwhelmed, frustrated or depressed. and most, if not all of the time, i turn to food for comfort. 

i wanted to post on here to relate with people, and to see how you have worked through your emotions. some days i feel i make great progress, yet one bad day and i feel i've reset again. i can find it hard to recognise progress. 

i'm hoping someone understands. if you have any advice for me i would love to hear it

thank you

[GentleRobot]

Hi,

thanks for sharing. 
I don’t have that same issue you shared, but I get it. 
It makes perfect sense. 
The thing I wanted to reply to the most was about how you said you found it difficult to track progress when you have setbacks. 

I relate. 
I don’t know if it helps, but when I have emotional ‘blowouts’ I find it hard to see any positives, or all the good stuff I’ve achieved. I suspect that similar to what you meant about when you have ‘one bad day.’ 

Does that help?

[Jynx]

Hey @peony1 I'm sorry to hear that you're really struggling with this. You're definitely not alone in your experiences. I used to struggle a lot with overeating too - I found out later in life that I have ADHD, and that I was eating as a dopamine-seeking behaviour. So perhaps a bit different to your situation, but something I can relate to nonetheless. 

Do you have other tools for emotional regulation? There's a lot of different sorts out there, everything from mindfulness to progressive muscle relaxation, breathwork to art therapy, and many more. Another thing I'd recommend is working on this with an experienced therapist, someone with whom you feel safe to explore all the interconnected thoughts, feelings, and behaviours. You can also give the Butterfly Foundation a buzz too for some support and insight 😉

Hope this helps you on your path, and that you can find what you're looking for here on the forums. 

[Jynx]

@GentleRobot quick tip, if you want another member to get a notification that you've replied, use the @ symbol and choose their name from the drop down (or type it out, then choose it once it appears) so that it shows up in blue, like this: @peony1 

Hope this helps 😊

[D1ng0]

Good morning @peony1, you're definitely not alone, and I'm really glad you've reached out to this community. I can relate to many of the things you're talking about, and I know how much of a struggle it can be to maintain moderate food intake in the face of emotional turmoil. I have included details below, if you feel comfortable reading them. This is my story, so it'll be different to yours, but maybe you'll relate to parts of it 😊

I have included links to a reputable website where you can learn more about the ED terms I mention, so only click on them when you're mentally/emotionally comfortable reading about EDs.

TW: Eating Disorders

Content/trigger warning

For most of my life, I have used food to soothe my emotions. This escalated to extreme levels, where I was very unwell. Like you, I jumped between extremes of over-eating and under-eating. I ignored the seriousness of my under-eating and became certain that I had BED (Butterfly Foundation info here), so I got my GP to recommend a qualified dietician who could assess me. To my surprise, the dietician put me in a category I had never heard of before; OSFED, specifically an Atypical Anorexia Nervosa subtype (Butterfly Foundation info here). I learned that categorising and treating disordered eating is very complex, and is a lot more nuanced than I'd previously thought. I ended up being diagnosed with Bulimia Nervosa very recently (Butterfly Foundation info here), which meant educating myself about what Bulimia actually is. The overlap of food intake and mental illness is very complex. I thought I had it all figured out, but I really needed professional input to pin down what I'm going through, because I didn't know nearly as much about EDs as I'd thought. And, even with professional input, it was still a complicated process. But now I finally feel accurately-diagnosed, and I have hope for the future.

I am still at the start of my journey, and still figuring out how to be as healthy as possible. Sometimes, after a string of days eating in a more moderate way, I revert back to old patterns and feel exhaustion, frustration, and shame as a result. I'm working on accepting that it's okay to slip up. It is okay to struggle and then try again. Reigning in years of disordered eating doesn't happen in an instant!

I really feel for you, because it can be so unpleasant when your eating is out of control, or when you're using food to self-soothe in a way that worries you. Whether you end up diagnosed with an eating disorder or not, I really encourage you to seek professional support, as this is a lot to handle. A therapist might be a really good start.

It sounds like you're working hard to make great progress, and that is so admirable, considering what you're dealing with. A good therapist will be able to help you regulate your emotions, plus help you identify and address the underlying causes of your depression/anxiety/etc. I wish you luck!! It can be a complex journey and we're here for you.

[MayaBird07]

Hi @peony1 

Thank you for your post. I am sorry to read you are feeling a bit lost and struggling at the moment. 

I can relate to your struggle with emotions. I too can quickly become anxious, frustrated or depressed and when I do... I usually go straight to unhealthy options. 

I have been doing Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT) lately and one aspect of it is about emotional regulation. One of the things I have learned is called 'name it to tame it' which means learning to name and identify emotions to help tame the overwhelming feelings that may occur when triggered. 

When we do what we have always done, we get the same result... this is usually followed by more stuff happening and more urges and reactions to situations that may trigger our 'emotional mind'

When we are not aware of what is going on for us both internally and externally, we can find ourselves on an emotional rollercoaster. We feel an emotion and don't know what to do, so we react and follow through on urges and impulses that may not be helpful for us and our goals.

By learning to name and understand our emotions, we can stop ourselves from reacting. It can just give a little time to make a more effective choice.

I hope you are ok and give yourself a little forgiveness and compassion. Emotions are such a difficult thing to get a handle on.. I am still a work in progress. It's so much easier to just give in to the urges than face the emotion.

I wish you all the best on your journey. 

[Jasper_123]

Hi @peony1 , I've struggled with what you're speaking about. In my experience issues with food are never about food - it's about control, it's about comfort, it's about need, it's about guilt. 

I think most people have an unusual relationship with food - how can we not with the media, celebrities, athletes, people in our lives constantly consuming us in diet culture? 

I have found intuitive eating helpful and building my meals up instead of denying myself. For example if I want a burger I'll have the burger but I'll serve it with vegetables. If I'm making something I'll add veggies to bulk it up. When I want to eat for comfort and can recognise that I figure out a way to get comfort elsewhere, for example going for a walk and calling a friend on the walk... organising to see a friend... putting on a show and having a hot cup of tea.