disclosing very uncomfortable information

[Former-Member]

hi im new here to Sane but im hoping maybe someone can give me some advice on what to do or how to go about it?

so this issue is causing me a fair bit of grief but ive been holding it in for about 2 years but i guess its not something you just get over. i know that i kinda have to disclose it to my psycholigist but im really scared to do it

how would you go about it ? and i know that mayne if i actually told someone i could get in contact with the right services.. what do you think?

[Former-Member]

Hello @Former-Member

You are very brave to attempt to pose a very confidential question. That actually takes much courage.

I want to advise you not to write anything on the site. You are best talking to someone who is qualified and governed by laws and regulations re confidentiality. Also that person is trained in handling this sort of sensitivity.So you already have a psychologist? Do you trust and feel safe with your psychologist?  

There is not any pressure on  you to own up to your story. You tell your story to whom you choose, how and when. It may take a while.  Perhaps you could start with saying to your psychologist  "something has been giving me grief for about 2 years and I dont know where to start" concentrate on how difficult it is for you to start talking about it, perhaps even mention how it makes you feel. Explain that you need help in starting.

This is not uncommon so no need to feel embarrassed.

You have nothing to fear if you trust and feel safe with your psychologist.

Good luck with your new journey, you have taken your first step.

stay safe and keep writing on here about other things, we all have our own struggles but are very supportive.

[Former-Member]

umm thanks @Former-Member

i dont think im very brave at all but thank you.

ive only had 2 sessions with my psychologist. i do trust them but im not really sure..

[Former-Member]

hello @Former-Member

It is very hard, when we are so frightened that we cant express how we really feel and find some relief.

Even if you dont actually talk about the "whole subject", start by talking about the fact that there is something which terrifies you and you have been holding onto this for 2years.

That is a long time, all that energy, it will take time to release.

Work on the feelings of fear in talking first, not the actual subject. The psychologist will understand and help you along the way.

Do not feel overwhelmed. You are going to start by breaking off small pieces, which are the feelings you have had over the last 2 years not being able to talk, open up.

Baby steps. No pressure. all in your own time. Reassured by your psychologist each baby step.

yes you will be gentle with yourself. this is good. you will be starting to look after yourself. So very important.

I know you dont feel  like it and think I am  just saying this because it sounds good. Wrong.

You are very brave. 2 years is a very long time.

keep writing on here at least if this is where you want to start, you dont have to tell us what you are keeping secret.

just talk about anything that you want.

[Former-Member]

hi @Former-Member

thanks for your help

sometimes i just think it would be so much easier to just say it!

[Former-Member]

Hi @Former-Member

Welcome to the forums, I am so glad that you were able to reach out here. I think its really a common feeling to be afraid to share something deeply personal. I am the same, and i've had a lot of therapy! I have found it easier to write down things that i'm unsure of how to say. For me it makes it easier to hand something over for some reason! 

I hope that you find the forums helpful and welcoming. Have a look around the forums, or even use the search function to search for something related to your concerns. There may be other people who've gone through the same thing, it's surprising how often we think we're the only ones to be going through something and then find that lots of people feel the same.

lj

[Doc_Gonzo]

@Former-MemberFirst of all, taking the first step to ask a question such as 'how do i...' is no small feat. To even reach a point where you are able to identify with something that you would like to talk about and to make steps towards speaking up is a good step forward.

If it is something that has been with you for so long, then I agree that it is probably going to be around for a while longer.

I believe that sometimes the best thing we can do for ourselves is name a problem, give it a name to identify what it is. It seems to me like you have done this already and that you are at a point where it is time to tease out the details of the problem. This is good, scary YES, confronting YES, hard to do YES, however it can also be a big relief.

I am not afraid to tell a therapist that there is something I wish to speak about and then voice my conerns regarding speaking abut the problem. Maybe this might be a place to start the conversation, not necessarily name the problem at first. Rather I have something I wish to speak about and I am worried about speaking about it, here is why...

Does that make sense?

I encourage you to be honest about your concerns as it may be a relief just to name them and to bring them into the room so that they can be clearly seen and discussed. Even if it is just naming that you are scared to talk about a problem that you can't name right now.

I go as far as to write things down if I know that I could go 'blank' (my way of describing dissociating to such a point that my trauma takes away my voice and thoughts). I find that if I have a cheat sheet in front ogf me I can use that or even give it to my therapist to read and let them guide the conversation based on what I have written.

[Redraw]

The time will come when you feel safe telling your therapist obviously that time is not just yet, you can use a third party approach (basically saying that it's someone else's problem and you want to know how you can help) this is a fairly old style approach but it can provide the separation for you to get a gauge and will help to deconstruct the wall you have built. 

There will be many ways to build up to it, but don't push yourself allow for yourself to feel safe and free

[Former-Member]

hi @Redraw @Former-Member@Doc_Gonzo @Former-Member

i dont know if it was the right step but i ended up telling someone on one of the hotlines tonight.

im not really sure it was a good idea as now i feel very nauseous, my chest is super tight, shaking like a leaf and sweating like a pig

they said i dont have to report it as im an adult so its up to me what happens next.... they cant lie to me can they? like they cant say no i dont have to report it and then i find out theyve gone and reported it.. can they lie to me like that??

[Former-Member]

Hi @Former-Member
I know you're anxious now... but i still think it was really brave and great that you were able to disclose to someone. Nope, they have no reason to lie to you. They would only need to report something if you were in danger and were underage. As you are an adult, like they say... it is up to you.
Look after you at the moment, do something calming and nice for yourself. You did something really brave, reward yourself a little,
here with you,
lj