disclosing very uncomfortable information

[Former-Member]

Thanks @Former-Member


I was so scared!! It took me 20 minutes to actually just say it 😞

Im tired and exhausted but i can't sleep with my anxiety so high and it doesnt seem like its going to improve and im fighting the urge to not self harm 😞

[Former-Member]

And i feel so.embarrassed and i really hate myself for it

[Former-Member]

You've done the right thing, the fear you feel is you inner child thinking something bad will happen now, you know why. But now your adult self needs to reassure your child everything will be OK now - they can't hurt you anymore. Deep breaths. Keep talking here is you want, if it helps, until you calm down, deep breaths. Proud of you xox

[Former-Member]

Its not your fault, self hatred isn't the answer. Its high time you had a voice

[Redraw]

The pain is terrible I have no doubt, but the plus is you have let it out it's a positive step. As for reporting there are places and things that are obliged to report certain things but via a hotline i believe it is right that its up to you, 

[utopia]

@Former-Member. I'm so very impressed by what you achieved tonight. You spoke it out loud. That is a big move. A move towards healing.
Saying it out loud - acknowledging it - as you have done - can certainly make you anxious and scared. This is a perfectly normal response.
I like the responses you have received from others here tonight.
If you find you are struggling tonight - keep posting here - there will always be someone around to talk with. Moderators are also here if you need.
You have taken a big step tonight. As such, I think it's important that you speak to your psychologist tomorrow. You do not need to say what the 'event' was - but at least let them know you disclosed something for the first time - & now you are struggling. Your psychologist will be able to help you.
And no - they will not pass your information on to any other people - unless you are a threat to yourself or others or are under age. So please feel assured that your conversation tonight with the help line - will go no further.

[Former-Member]

Hi @Former-Member @utopia @Redraw

Thank you ive been stressing all night and havent been able to sleep very much at all. Ive had 3 hrs and ive just woken up to a full blown panic attack again.
Maybe i shouldn't have said anything 😞
Its so hard and i dont feel any better than I did before 😞

[Former-Member]

i @Former-Member. I hope you managed some sleep.

I just wanted to send my thoughts to you. Disclosing something scary that you've been keeping inside can be very difficult. I know that for me, keeping things to myself kind of helped me feel like I had control over them. Over time what happened though was that the fear of someone finding out became almost worse than the fear of the secrets themselves. That fear began taking control of me. Eventually I had to disclose what was going on and it was one of the hardest things I have done. Like you, I was left feeling incredibly anxious, full of shame and wondering if I should have said anything too.

It might take some time to feel better after putting it out there, but maybe by telling someone and beginning to work through it you've taken a step towards taking control back over what's been bubbling away inside you for so long.

Hope you're able to be kind to you today.

[Former-Member]

Hi @Former-Member

Im extremely tired. I only got the 3 hrs sleep and im exhausted. And.... i have another busy day again today.
Im so embarrassed and ashamed 😞 😞
I dont even know what to do with myself

[Ellu]

Hi scared0!,

Last week I told my psychoanalyst something I did 35 years ago which I nave never ever told anyone before in my life. It was something I did when I was high (I am bi-polar) and was not only ourrageous but dangerous to another person and illegal. I have been carrying this secret all those years, and I felt immediate relief that at last I had told someone. Although I still feel guilty and ashamed it has put things into perspective, and I have been thinking about it now rationally. I was sick (high) at the time, and although that is not an excuse it is an explanation, and talking about it has given me the will to live with it so it doesn't overshadow my life.There is a real value in disclosure, and a good therapist will help you deal with the fallout. I wish I had told someone earlier and not carried this guilty secret aroud for so long

Trust in your therapist, and if you don't have one then now is the time to find one. All the best,

Ellu.