Sorry to hear that you have had exceptional circumstances and had to withdraw.
If they are indeed exceptional circumstances and it is the case that it is a confluence or crisis, they can give you extra time - but it depends on how you sell it to them as to how receptive they are. I'm managed to get additional time for a lot of things and it has helped for the most part. Are they refusing to give you additional time?
Sometimes the coursework is tailored more for neurotypicals and to try to get the appropriate accommodations requires a bit of work initially. If a person experiences interruptions intermittently then they have to make reasonable allowances for that. If they force a withdrawal every time there is a delay in submission then (which can be caused by disability or mental health), then a person might never be able to achieve their goal. You would be surprised how just being honest and explaining what the circumstances are. I also recommend doing a time-line of events and then asking - okay, it's end of semester, but I can't just throw it away. At university, some units might run once per year.
"I have just been working on my exceptional circumstances form for withdrawing from I feel sad and down, and I feel ashamed. ".
Yes, I can understand it would make you feel terrible and then the self flagilation and destructive behaviours come. I had lots of problems with task completion, planning, etc and it was emotionally extremely stressful and upsetting. My psychologist mentioned that it is counter productive to abuse yourself and the antidote to the negative self talk might take the form of self compassion and gratitude, which is more about healing, recharging, removal of pessimism and negative thoughts and solidifying any lessions by perhaps writing them down and taking up journalling, which is a helpful way to clear negative thoughts and troubleshooting and solving problems or occurances which you might not know the cause of, whilst in a logical mindset. (eg, why am I having anxiety and panic attacks all the time?, then proceed to write a journal about it and problem solve it on paper).
"I had so much hope riding on tafe, now it's gone. I feel like a failure."
Even when we make mistakes and "fail"\, we are learning many lessons and gaining wisdom. Even the lesson of failing and how to bounce back from that is an important one.
If you really have no choice to withdraw, but intend to re-enrol next year - this can be a stressful waiting period. So having a plan to make the most of the time you have between now and next semester could make it a productive period in other areas of life too,
"I know I didn't ask to get pneumonia, I know being sick is out of my control. But..it hurts. I feel like I let myself and everyone else down. ".
We are our own worst enemies. Self-forgiveness is healthy, but eternal self abuse and aggression can make even the simplest of tasks unbearable, leading to low motivation after time. Yes, if given another opportunity one might make different choices, but you wouldn't necessarily know that you needed to make those choices without having gone through this painful experience. Self-abuse is a habbit and can even happen without knowing it because certain thoughts have become so regular or entrenched that it starts to form ones own identity, which is one of the reasons why "checking in" with yourself at least twice per day and doing mindfulness and actively appreciating the good things in life, that brings pleasure, which might be seen as an antidote to "everything is shit". It sounds too simple, good to be true or silly, but it works.
When presented with an unfavourable situation my mind typically catastrophises to think of the worst outcome and instantly I am anxious. Rumination can also prolong stress levels and have physiological impact on the body, potentially leading to negative coping strategies such as excessive TV-watching, eating, drugs and alcohol, emotional dysregulation. self-abuse and self-sabotage. Just as one can employ various physical forms of self-harm such as cutting, self-harm can also take the form of self mental-abuse, such as ruminating on negative thoughts in order to perhaps 'punish' ourselves to do it differently next time. Unfortunately the science indicates that negative conditioning doesn't work very well, and positive reinforcement is much much more productive for habit change.
Thought moderation might like an overwhelming task but it is just another skill like anything else. One of the most important things is to have a continuous (or nearly continuous) awareness of how you are feeling and what might be causing that, and challenging any assumed beliefs which automatically come. Perhaps setting a calendar appointment twice or three times per day for say 5 minutes and in each session, just closing eyes and maybe put on some chill music and ask self:.
1. How am I feeling? Describe and try to label your mood with language, eg - worthless, hopeless, discouraged, exhausted, hungry thirsty.
2. What lead up to me feeling this way. Was it a specific event, series of events? If not, it could be something more easily solvable (lack of sleep, lack of food, lack of pleasure / self-care, lack of hope.). Why am I sick all the time? Change diet, etc. So these things might come out when journalling / brain dumping. Anxiety leads to both physiological and mental depression as it effectively drains the batteries.
3. Pin-pointing how certain situations develop through reflecting in a journal is a very practical way extract lessions from past experiences. We don't get time to think about these sorts of things in the present moment, but this is when I do the most learning.
Look after yourself, be your own friend and be kind to yourself. Check in with yourself regularly and start to insert a filter between your thoughts and fact-check what your brain is coming up with because it is not always right, can be very destructive. So having regular short periods where you are thinking about nothing is important for the brain to regulate, otherwise it becomes overwhelmed and panic, emotional dysregulation, can step in.
"How do I put it all into perspective and not get masochistic and self sabatage over this.".
It might be the case that self abuse cannot be stopped immediately, but self-abuse is also a habbit which can be replaced with a positive one which makes you feel good.
So when a negative thought comes into my head such as "see, you can never get things done. I am useless and nobody could love someone who is useless.". I acknowledge the thought. "I have itdentified I am feeling useless. Why?". "Perhaps because this event or this situation has occurred or might occur in the future (but I don't know if it will).". So one could acknowledge "Yes, I am feeling terrible that this has happend (or might happen),, but how true is this information? [challenge the thought. Don't look for evidence proving a negative thought but instead look for evidence disproving it], because over time that quietens the voice and impact of the negative-thought though monster.
In one perspective of the mind, we are what we think. The mind can will things into existence or even make them dissappear and it all starts with how we manage our thoughts and which ones we do or don't disprove or challenge and flip the coin to the positive side and realise positives. Yes, it can be tiring challenging every thought, but after a while it becomes automated and effortless and any emotion is taken out of it.
Please be kind to yourself and give yourself the permission to step back from negative self abuse and turn it into lessons learned and building resilience. It is a mindset. Yes, there might be times where one falls back into the trap of self-abuse, but that seems more likely to happen if there is nobody challenging the bully negative-thought monster.
Perhaps a better way is to give yourself permission to just enjoy yourself, watch a new series or doing something fun, while perhaps doing any admin or preparation tasks for next semester with the knowledge that you are better prepared and learning new strategies of coping, and next semester you are going to enjoy the coursework at tafe.
Hope this helps, Centaur. 🙂
