Triggered and struggling

[Arbie_wun]

@Gremlin24 ... sorry to hear of your struggles, I too have been having a tough time.  I find myself puzzles like sudoku to occupy my mind and have me think of things differently.  

I have also gotten into the herbal tea habit again, and there are good relaxing teas to be found out there along with soft gentle music (or strong vibrant beats dependent on what you feel like)

I am here to talk and listen if needed, and would like to thank you for your support in the past as well, we are all here for each other.

[Gremlin24]

@Arbie_wun I've tried doing puzzles, I usually do word search ones but I have done sudoku aswell. I'm just not able to focus on anything at the moment and that leaves me even more frustrated. 

I was listening to music but honestly can't even tell you what songs were playing cos my mind is just so fixated on my thoughts. 

Thankyou and you're more than welcome. It's so hard battling your own demons, it's exhausting. 

[Arbie_wun]

@Gremlin24 have you tried meditation sounds, like the crashing of waves, the falling of rain, even the clickety clack of a train?  Sometimes those gentle sounds can take you to a place that is more mellow and relaxing, it may take some time to get the thoughts to head that way.  I know that I did lose my focus on meditation for a bit and I actually found that getting it back has also helped me to get a little more control.

[Gremlin24]

@Arbie_wun thanks for the suggestions. I've tried meditation but it's never worked. When it comes to nature sounds unless it's actually real in the moment it doesn't help me. 

It's horrible feeling like I'm just going to explode and lose control completely. 

[Arbie_wun]

@Gremlin24 maybe close your eyes and lay there listening to those gentle sounds and think of those wonderful times that you have had in that situation.    Try to keep a positive mindset,  even when you're struggling a single flicker of light in the darkness can be the beacon you need.

[Gremlin24]

@Arbie_wun I'm honestly scared to close my eyes at the moment. It's all just too much for me right now.

[dehaha]

@Arbie_wun @Gremlin24 

I hear you both. Before the new year,  I had the best 4 weeks mentally that I have had in 18 months.  Then, 2 weeks ago... crash. Back to the bottom.  

@Gremlin24 I absolutely understand the disappointment,  frustration and self anger that appears when we can't get a grip on things. 

I also do all of the things that  @Arbie_wun has suggested and some of them help me some of the time. 

For me, something else which can help to bring me out a dangerous space and feeling a little more in control is actually doing mental health online care. I will jump onto Sane,( which I am doing now to distract my mind from my panic attack symptoms ) Blackdog  or head2health etc. For some reason,  looking at online resources,  settles me . As I  don't have any family/ social support,  it is reassuring for me to know that there are resources still available to me, even if they are only online.  It makes me feel less alone.

How are you feeling now? 

[Gremlin24]

@dehaha thanks for sharing. I'm sorry things have gotten hard for you again, and I hope you are doing better soon. 

Here (sane) is all i have aswell, other than reaching out to crisis services which have been rather dismissive about how I'm feeling.

I'm really not doing good at the moment. I'm ready to just give up and let the thoughts and urges win. I'm tired of fighting. 

[dehaha]

@Gremlin24 , I'm sorry that you've had bad experience with help lines. My experience with them has been a mixed bag. 

Given that you are struggling quite a lot right now,  would you consider calling an acute care line? I know that the numbers are different for every state ( ex. for me, it's a 1300 number ) and rather than talking to a volunteer,  you actually get to speak directly with a mental health nurse.  It's 24hr service.  I have found them helpful for me.  

[Gremlin24]

@dehaha yeah I've tried the one where I am and they weren't helpful either. I've just given up on anyone being able to help me.