Lived Experience Forum

[tyme]

Like me @creative_writer  - I'm MORE than 'happy' to be alone. But why? Because I didn't seek to be happy living alone. I was satisfied before living alone. Otherwise, as far as I see it, no matter whether one is living along or not, they won't be content. Contentment comes from within? What do you think?

It took me a long time to accept that living a 'happy life all the time' is a myth. Life is a roller coaster. I've finally been able to accept that and re-frame my challenges as room for my personal growth.

This is my personal experience, and to this day, I cannot believe the change that has occurred in my thinking. It wasn't all that long ago that I stewed over similar thoughts as you. The more I stewed over them, the stronger they became.

[tyme]

I wish I could say so much more @creative_writer , but I think for tonight, can I just give you a hug? You've had a big day.

We can talk about it more later in the week?

Please take care, tyme

[creative_writer]

@tyme sending a hug back at you. It’s just hard to not feel lonely, but sometimes some of us are just lonely and there is nothing i can do but accept it. I just simply don’t feel safe around people. I rather cry in my own arms. I have this ingrained expectation this is just how life is meant to be, we are born alone, fight alone, die alone. I have been dealing with shit alone my entire life, it’s normal. If there is no one to comfort me right now, I have to accept my destiny.

[FloatingFeather]

Hi @creative_writer,

Sitting alongside you and hearing you. I am sorry you feel this way - it's sad to read you don't feel safe around people. I wish this wasn't the case for you. I hope you feel safe and cared for on the Forums. I know that many people on the Forums care about you very much. 

Sending you hugs and understanding.

Warmest wishes,

FloatingFeather 

[creative_writer]

@FloatingFeather ❤️. I need to learn to feel safe and it won’t happen overnight. I know I am safe but don’t feel safe, it’s hard. I even struggle to feel fully safe with mental health professionals because I am so used to being on guard. Today has been a crazy day, exhausted, anxiety has been awful and wrapping up assignment.

[hanami]

That's understandable @creative_writer . It's hard when people have done wrong by you - it's hard to trust again. 

I hope you can take it easy after your assignments are all done ❤️

[FloatingFeather]

I hear you @creative_writer and understand what you are saying. Feeling safe doesn't come easy to me either and it does take time for me to trust. As you said it can take time to feel safe and it doesn't happen overnight so be kind to yourself around this.

Having an assignment hanging over your head when you aren't feeling great doesn't help either. Were you able to get it done? Would that mean that uni is done for the year?

You are doing great @creative_writer - you push through even when things are a lot for you. I hope you are proud of yourself because you should be ❤️

[creative_writer]

@hanami ❤️ it is hard to trust especially when I grew up feeling invalidated and judged for my feelings, even if at times it wasn’t intentional. And then I also had something really traumatic happen in my life too.

@FloatingFeather ❤️ I’ve got a lot to unpack and work on. Trying to open up in therapy more might be a good starting point. Just submitted the last assignment for this year. I had to drop from full time to part time, and got extensions for all my assignments this semester, but got there.

[FloatingFeather]

That's fantastic @creative_writer - you did get there in the end! I did a lot of my degree part-time, I don't think there is a right way or wrong way to do uni, just whatever works for you and your own needs. 

I hope you are going to do something nice for yourself to celebrate that you just submitted your last assignment for the year 🙂

[creative_writer]

@FloatingFeather nothing much planned as of yet. I am too exhausted to think right now about what to do for this summer. I do worry that I’ll have more time to think, so will need to try to occupy my time so I don’t constantly ruminate over the past. But then again, I sort of did that during the semester too. On the positive side, I feel I’m not suicidal or as awful as I was a few days back. So maybe I would be okay? I don’t know. Anxiety has still been awful, and ruminating over the past is making me feel sad.