Riding a wave

[CheerBear]

You know how I said it was a rollercoaster fir me at the moment @Phoenix_Rising? I was on the big crashing downward part (which was after the LF went to bed) that came after the wonky but fun bit (when we baked cookies) when I got the message that your present arrived. It made me smile heaps that you got yourself a book. Is which one a surprise until the day?! I'm looking forward to hearing which one you picked if you share 🙂

Saying a hi to @Shaz51 and @Former-Member while I'm here too.

[Phoenix_Rising]

@Former-Member The ocean is relatively calm tonight. I haven't engaged with another human being either by phone or face-to-face since last Friday when I saw my GP. My world is much calmer without human beings muddling it. I never get into any interpersonal muddles when I am by myself. 

I feel a bit scared because after I see my GP tomorrow, that will be my last human contact until I see her again a fortnight later. I can definitely see that I am becoming more and more reclusive by the day now. The whole human contact thing just hurts too much.

Anyway, I was just thinking, you probably meander around Forum Land rather than float don't you. Now I have a cool picture in my brain of a super nice river winding through Forum Land and down to the ocean. 

[Phoenix_Rising]

@CheerBear I'm glad we could go through the wonky but fun bit together but not. I will post a picture of my new book when I open it. According to the book depository, this book is suitable for people 0-5 years old. Grown ups miss out on all the cool stuff!  

[Former-Member]

Hi @CheerBear! Sorry to hear that you are on a bit of a rollercoaster ride at the moment. I'm so glad that the arrival of @Phoenix_Rising's book made you smile 🙂

@Phoenix_Rising, I'm also glad that the ocean is a relatively calm for you tonight.

I can imagine seeing your GP for the last time tomorrow until you see her again in two weeks would be scary. I'm sorry that human contact hurts. I hope the Forums provide you with support and connection over these next two weeks.

Yes, you are right! Now that I think about it, I would have to have super powers to be able to be a floating river around the Forums. Meandering sounds more my style 🙂

[Phoenix_Rising]

Good night Forum Land.

I'm super glad you are meandering around tonight @Former-Member. I'm going to sleep in @NikNik's nutella jar again. Did you know that NikNik can speak turtle? I'm so glad there are some super special rare individuals in the world who know how to speak turtle. 

[Phoenix_Rising]

I am super feeling the weight of how utterly alone I am, right now. I feel scared about the entire world stopping tomorrow. I saw my GP today and spoke with someone in the HC, and now I won't have any support at all until the 2nd of January when my GP is back. That feels super super super scary right now.

This time last year I was completely traumatized by therapist-take-seven having dumped me, and then K's boss sending me a letter just a few days before Christmas, threatening legal action if I ever tried to contact K again.

This time this year my soul has finally completely died, after being dumped by my turtle whisperer. Between then and now:

• P became critically ill only five weeks after C died.
• I had a horror experience with therapist take eight.
• I had the months of re-traumatizing experiences with (A) who was therapist take nine.
• I got dumped by the neurofeedback psychologist - therapist take ten.
• I had a psychiatrist refuse to even meet with me, after waiting 18 months for an appointment.
• I had the horrendous one-off session with therapist take eleven that was SO bad, I called the SANE helpcentre DURING the session!
• I helped P make safe passage across the Rainbow Bridge.
• And then, two weeks ago, my turtle whisperer dumped me.

Yep, my soul has died. There is simply nothing left within me. 

Super big thank you for letting me sleep in your nutella jar @NikNik. It super helps me to feel a tinsy tiny bit less alone.

Night Forum Land. 

[CheerBear]

Hi @Phoenix_Rising. I hope you're tucked up sleeping and feeling cosy in that jar. I hope to sleep tonight but I think I have a better chance of a real unicorn being under the tree on Monday.

I know you're super alone and that sucks hugely and I know your soul has died and so much of that has been through things that shouldn't have happened, which sucks hugely too. And sucks doesn't come close to the right word. 

When I read your list, I think that from somewhere during dot point 3 we've been together-but-not. I remember each one of those dots from then on too. I know it isn't the same as having someone there, there but I am so glad we can do this together-but-not and I hope (and think/hear) you say you are too. 

I am scared of from tomorrow too, maybe for different reasons, but we can be scared together. Even though it is going to be hard, I believe we've got this.

You're with us all the time Phoenix_Rising. Like when I was wearing my handbag and you heard the news this afternoon that big got the gig. I hope you enjoyed the lots of cheers and high fives as much as I did. It was a very, very special moment and it was great to share it with you.

And you were there when Puffer Fish wrote their first Christmas card ☺

And also when clown fish told me about a bit of an argument with a teacher over zucchini because it is technically (they love that word) a fruit not a vegetable. They then suggested we write to the people who do healthy eating brochures for kids to ask them to give out correct information. I think I heard you say a big "yes" and offer to help them 😆

I hope you get a little bit of a togetherish feeling from that, which is what I get from you a lot. I care a lot about you, as so many here do. You mean lots to us.

Night Phoenix_Rising ☺

[Phoenix_Rising]

Good morning @CheerBear,

You have no idea how much it meant to me to find your post here when I woke up at 2am this morning. I feel so super super alone, even here in Forum Land. I am so very VERY glad our oceans collided.

I'm also super glad that I get to be with you and your LF, especially at this super tricky time of the year. It was SO exciting that big got the gig!!!! You probably couldn't hear me over all the other cheering, but I was bouncing up and down in your handbag and saying "big got the gig, big got the gig!!!!!"

Wow, Puffer fish has super neat writing for such a little puffer fish!

Oh I can sooooooo relate to Clown fish's fruit/vegetables issue. It made me laugh such a lot that they have that issue too!!!! At my volunteering gig we sometimes play a game where the kids choose a plastic fruit or vegetable out of one tub and then have to put it in one of two other tubs labelled "fruit" and "vegetables." The first time we played it, a kid told a volunteer that a capsicum was a fruit and the volunteer "corrected" him and said it was a vegetable. Of course, I then corrected the volunteer and, well, since then for some strange reason all the volunteers groan whenever it is announced that we are going to play that game.  FRUITS HAVE SEEDS IN THEM, PEOPLE, IT REALLY ISN'T THAT HARD!!!!! I would definitely help Clown fish write to the people who make healthy eating brochures for kids. I trust that you will help them, and I hope they discover that they can change the world.

I am super looking forward to spending Christmas with you and your LF. My Christmas eve tradition is to watch the carols on TV and to keep checking the Norad website to see when Santa takes off from the North Pole. I'm not sure what you and the LF will be doing, but I'm super glad I will be there doing it with you. 

[CheerBear]

Morning @Phoenix_Rising ☺

Your post gave me warm fuzzies and I'm so glad we can share these good times too. When big got their gig it was one of those times when grrr I wish I could tell you, came into my head. But then I felt my handbag jiggling about and realised you knew already anyway. Puffer fish did so well with the cards and wrote one for everyone in class with a list and lots of patience. That's miniature writing, which I think is one of their "I'm concentrating so hard right now" things. And I laughed lots that you are a fruit has seeds person too! The exact words "fruit has seeds people!" were the ones that clown fish used when telling the story 😂 Almost creepy 😁

Carols will probably be on for us on the Eve of Christmas too. We will feed reindeer and then all go outside and look up at the sky to spot Santa. Norad is likely to be in our Christmas eve too, thank you for showing us that one. Then I will be up as late as I need to catch Santa out, which is fun. In my bag is my DBT book both so I can have something to read and to do over next little while if I want and also so I can flick through and pick a skill to practice if/when it all gets a bit tricky. Totally together but not 😊 I am looking forward to our first Christmas.

I'm about to dive into the day starting with making our very last lunch to go in a box for the year! We got through the year and we did it!!! From there it's going to be a big time go day until later this afternoon/evening and then I may melt after lots of stress and not much sleep, but I will be here even when I am not and I'm not planning on going anywhere. And I know you and the pocket crew are with us also.

I hope your day has good in it too ☺

[Phoenix_Rising]

I feel super super super alone in the ocean...but clearly I'm not. Super big thank you for riding the waves with me @NikNik, @Former-Member @Former-Member @CheerBear. 

https://www.jibjab.com/view/make/walking_on_sunshine/2ef94e83-eae7-4aa0-b582-855c734c88ab