I feel so utterly alone right now...because I AM utterly alone. I don't actually feel lonely, rather, I feel the weight of how completely alone I am on this planet. I feel the weight of having had to make up a name for an emergency contact when I filled out the online form to join my yoga class. I feel the weight of having had to write "I have no next of kin" on the intake form for TTT. I feel the weight of knowing that if I had fallen off the ladder that I was using in my house earlier today, no one would have even started to come looking for me for weeks. I feel the weight of knowing that there are seven and a half billion people on this planet, and yet not one who I can pick up the phone and call to say "hi" to. Yep, tonight I feel a very heavy weight of how amazingly alone I am in this world.
Good night @Former-Member. I am still wondering where @CheerBear's first dessert went to. It seems that that may be destined to become the eighth great mystery of the world. 
@CheerBear I don't plan to be in Forum Land too much between now and the 2nd of January. However, I will definitely be sharing Christmas with you and your LF! I am super looking forward to it. And I PROMISE to have the rest of the DBT mindfulness module ready to go in the New Year. Isn't it super doing something with a turtle - you never ever feel rushed. 
Goodnight Forum Land. 
Good evening @Former-Member,
I hope you have had some good in your day. I have had a peaceful day - which is super nice.
Oooh it sounds like we are doing a book exchange.
The book I would suggest starting with in terms of attachment theory is this one:
Attachment in adulthood: Structure, dynamics, and change. It is by Mario Mikulincer and Phillip Shaver. I have the 2007 edition, but I just checked the book depository and it seems a second edition was published a month ago!!! https://www.bookdepository.com/Attachment-in-Adulthood--Second-Edition/9781462533817
The book has a MASSIVE reference list, so if you start with this one, it will guide you to other relevent literature.
The seminal work on attachment theory was done by John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth. You will find them heavily referenced by Mikulincer and Shaver. Therefore, I would suggest starting with Mikulincer and Shaver and then if you want to go back to where it all began, go and hunt out the works of Bowlby and Ainsworth.
Be aware that this stuff can make for tricky reading. At least, I found it tricky and it sounds like you and I have similar stories in some ways. It was tricky in terms of the sense of "if only..." if that makes sense. However, I find that I am ok with that feeling because it tends to be mixed with a super big dose of validation and a sense of knowing that my muddle is a normal reaction to a very abnormal situation, rather than that there is anything "wrong" with me.
Have fun!
Happy Christmas Eve, @Phoenix_Rising. I’m going to be hiding from the world tomorrow so I wanted to drop these off for you tonight. 📚 Good luck with your shopping tradition mission later. 😊 I hope you have a great night and a super great day tomorrow. 🌷🐢
Ooooh Christmas stories!!!! Super big thank you @Former-Member. I hope tomorrow is an ok (or better) day for you bookish. I will probably be around here a bit, but not heaps. I really do have my own traditions and I don't find Christmas day nearly as difficult as I used to. I will be thinking of you tomorrow.
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SANE acknowledges the Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples as traditional custodians of the land on which it operates. We pay respect to Elders past, present and emerging, and value the rich history, unbroken culture and ongoing connection of Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people to country.
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Help us push aside the stigma and discrimination surrounding complex mental health and change the way people talk about, and care for, mental illness.
SANE acknowledges the Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples as traditional custodians of the land on which it operates. We pay respect to Elders past, present and emerging, and value the rich history, unbroken culture and ongoing connection of Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people to country.
SANE values diversity. We are committed to providing a safe, culturally appropriate, and inclusive service for all people, regardless of their ethnicity, faith, disability, sexuality, or gender identity.