Something’s not right
Hi @Baileyboy,
I went through a major breakdown in the years before I officially entered menopause. This perimenopause time was worse on my mental health than what I have gone through for the past couple of years since my periods stopped. I think that's partly because it was all much more new and bewildering when this process began with perimenopause. By the time my periods stopped, I already had started acclimatising to the process of change we go through at this time of our lives. Here is what I have noticed in Menopause itself:
. yay, my periods stopped!
. I gradually put on weight over the years of perimenopause and menopause and went from size 12 to size 18. However, during this time I also started two medications associated with weight gain when I was diagnosed with bipolar. I think both menopause and medications have contributed to the significant weight gain. I also have a protruding and bloated belly a lot now, which I didn't before this all started.
. I started getting slight hot flashes with perimenopause, which have increased a lot during menopause itself. On the recommendation of my GP, I take Black Cohosh, also known at the pharmacy as 'Remifemin'. This has helped a lot with the flashes, but they still break through to some extent. I am also generally very inclined to overheating with much more sweating than previously (but I also live in a warm climate).
. After about 18 months without a period, my general health and energy levels declined. I developed some arthritis and other physical symptoms which interfered with daily functioning. These are now being well treated by my GP and things have improved there. It's important to me that I have a thorough GP who also knows about my mental health. She has contributed greatly to my better wellbeing with menopause.
. My GP talked a number of times about the possibility of me starting on Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT). But I have elected to go through menopause without this. As others have said, it is a natural process and I want to go through it as naturally as possible.
. My 'looks' have gone downhill with menopause (again a natural part of aging). Grey hair now (which I colour). Fatter face. Weight gain around the neck and jowls. Pouches under my eyes. Skin a bit drier (but I live in a humid climate, so not so bad as it would be otherwise I think). My feet and hands get puffy with fluid retention. More lines on the face. Gravity generally taking more of a visible toll, as skin loses some of its former elasticity. I sometimes get self-conscious and sorry about these things. At other times I laugh at the process of aging. I have become less vain of these things than I used to be, which I attribute to some wisdom coming with the aging process too.
. Memory has declined to some extent and I too find lists a lot more helfpul than I used to. My general intelligence level is still fairly good though. I don't think I've noticed much change there.
. I am now celibate and don't really miss the wild excesses of my younger days with sexuality. That aspect of life is associated with a lot of difficult emotional times and I don't miss those either. Libido is okay though and I am able to 'pleasure myself' effectively and regularly. I feel that I am left more at peace by men when I walk down the street and treated more liked a 'lady' on the whole, which I like.
Menopause varies from woman to woman to some extent. An attitude that is (almost defiantly) as positive as possible, helps me get through it fairly smoothly, despite a lot of gradual changes happening.
Sending best wishes to you and all other women on the forum going through menopause. It's certainly not as scary or unpleasant as I feared it might be. 
Hi @Baileyboy@Mazarita@utopia@Former-Member
Here is one study that talks about depression and how "vulnerable " women with MI can be effected. Its not long just has a few things we have talked about.
Anyway I'm feeling a lot better now that my periods have finished so will see what happens ie. when I get them next and how I feel and if it messes me up again, if its does I think I will discuss HRT options with my GP. Its been a very wild rollercoaster the last 3 weeks but made it through and feeling positive again.
One thing I have learned with this is dont see a male gp, I had years ago and his response was " hormones who knows" I thought great. My GP is good but when I can I see another GP who is in her 60's and gather she has gone through it, so I speak to her to get her experience knowledge as well. Not against men but how can they understand something they cant experience.
@Mazarita@Baileyboy@Former-Member@utopia
This is some research based on BPD and peri-menopause.
Its long and a bit complicated, havent had time to read it all but hopefully it may help us understand things about ourselves.
Thanks @Mazarita I feel almost "normal " again, no speedy feeling, not all over the place with emotions and about to cry or smash something! Feel quite calm and happy
I only get pap smears via female GP's now, I dont know if it was my "perception" but I remember when I was in my early twenties the male gp actually sent me to a specilist for a smear test, I gather he was too embarressed to do it (what a joke) anyway I was in my early twenties and the dr was about 60 plus and I dont know but he made me feel dirty - cant explain it just his mannerism the way he did it and then he wanted to check my breasts and that felt very awkward like he enjoyed it - I actually went straight home and had a shower thats how dirty I felt and ever since only go to a woman. Having said that I was having issues with polyps and had a check up in the hospital with a lady gyno and she was awful. Used a steel one that was ice cold, was very rough and hard - I was in agony during the check up and later had cramps for a couple of days - absolutely awful. The GP I have now is very good.
