Not Coping

[ENKELI]

@Birdofparadise8 I'm not sure. Oh wait, I think it was because it was the end of the year, so it crossed over into a new year. It was a while ago now so it probably only was the 10 and the next 5 went into the next year.

How's the weather in Melb today? It's 34 here and I'm wishing I had air conditioning as it's so humid too.

[Birdofparadise8]

How here as well, but not that bad. You're in Perth and don't have aircon. 

I don't have one because the uni doesn't think we need them in our dorm rooms. It's so hot and gross. 

Ah okay maybe that's why @ENKELI 

[ENKELI]

@Birdofparadise8 the people who make the decisions like air con in dorms have never lived in them so they don't know what it's like in summer. It's silly! Do you have a fan or something? I have pedestal fans and have them going all day. I have a portable air conditioning unit but it's only for small spaces and my home is open plan so it doesn't work so well. How big is the dorm you're in? For me it's hard to find a balance when in shared accommodation. I found that while there were plenty of people around I still felt lonely at times.

You're moving soon too aren't you?

[Birdofparadise8]

I looked at getting a portable one but you have to keep it attached to a tube like thing out the window and mine is a window that has a roller thing to open it up.

No I bet they haven't. It's because it's not mandated like a heater is @ENKELI  

Yes I have a tower fan and one on the wall the uni had put in before I was there. They don't do much. 

[Birdofparadise8]

It's the same uni accommodation place. It's a three-bed apartment but they don't have aircon @ENKELI 

[ENKELI]

@Birdofparadise8 yes the air conditioning unit you mentioned is the same as mine. It's a bit of a pain so usually I have it in my bedroom. I have an ensuite so I stick the tube into the shower so that it doesn't drip water all over the floor. It makes using the ensuite difficult though!

It might be worth getting one though for your 3 bedroom apartment if the window allows it? 
Are you looking forward to the new accommodation?

Enjoy dinner with your aunt, I hope it gives you a bit of a refresh 😊

[Birdofparadise8]

Yeah, it would be a bit annoying @ENKELI 

Yes, I am. I’m just nervous about who will be in the apartment with me as I don't know who the other two are. 

Yeah, it was nice to try the different foods and update her on things happening. She said about me making new friends, which I’m trying to set up for next year. 

I've also found a volunteer program to go and talk to older people for an hour or two once a week or fortnight, so that will be nice for both of us. 

She said it's good to have family, but I’m a bit unsure what she was getting at by the friendship part and how she told me about being busy with work and other stuff, meaning herself and my uncle. 

What are you up to tomorrow? 

[ENKELI]

@Birdofparadise8 great that you found a volunteer programme, I think I need to do something like that too.

Maybe your aunt was trying to offer support in making new friends? I always read too much into things that my family say, especially my aunt. She can be a real support at times and then other times she will say something that is so hurtful she brings me to tears. I tried talking to my mum (it's her sister) about it once but she just replies with "I'm sure she didn't mean it that way." She always telling me how successful her kids are, and how wonderful her daughters in law are and it makes me feel worthless. I love her but I just try and avoid her these days.

I saw my former best friend today and she just stared through me as if I was invisible. I came home and burst in to tears. I just feel so bad, wishing I knew what it was that I did so wrong. 

Not sure what I'll be doing tomorrow, I want to do some spring cleaning around my house. My brother has the day off so he's going to help out too. 

I did some cooking today so at least I have dinner prepped for the next couple of nights. Did you end up making the cupcakes?

You've inspired me to look at some volunteering ideas, so thanks for that 🙂

[Birdofparadise8]

Yeah, I hope I hear back from them soon. 

I guess, but my interpretation of it was about me wanting to see her and my uncle. If they don't want to see me, why would they say they do? Maybe I'm just taking it out of context and trying only to see the negative. 

Oh no, I'm sorry that happened. Is your mum a good support for you? I definitely understand how you feel there. I made a friend this year, and we talked about my and hers MH. I don't think she could cope with it, so she stopped talking to me. I think it was the 27th of October, the day before I was discharged from the hospital. I saw her, and she asked the most random and personal questions. I broke down crying when I went back to the hospital for two hours. I couldn't stop. Anyway, that took me a while to get over. 

I'm not sure why people do these things to us. Sometimes, we will never know the answer to what or if we did anything. If you talked about MH like I did with this other lady, maybe it was too hard for her to handle, and the only way she could cope was to let you go, which isn't fair to you. 

What did you cook? No, I'm going to do them today. I ran out of time and had to run over and get the eggs. 

If you go on here Volunteer 

you can find different things you like @ENKELI. 

[ENKELI]

@Birdofparadise8 it's hard to tell with your aunt, she might have just been talking about her and your uncles' lives as a general conversation. Are you able to email or text her and ask her if she feels too busy to catch up? I prefer written conversations when it's difficult as I tend to cry if the news is bad. Is it your mum or dad's sister? Maybe you could ask your parent about it? I hope it's just that you're very sensitive and you've taken the conversation out of context. That's always the best outcome. We'll keep thinking positive 🙏

I had been friends with this person for nearly 10 years, I was her kids' Godmother. I paid for them to go to a private school, plus their school camps and other costs. I moved in with my friend when her marriage ended to help her emotionally and financially. We were renting a house together and when the owner put the house on the market she decided she didn't want to live with me anymore. I was fine with that and she promised to stay in touch but I saw her once after we moved out. Every time I tried to make plans she came up with an excuse. I felt like I'd been used to pay for her kids to go to a private school, plus expensive gifts and other things that my friend couldn't afford.

Just before her birthday I asked what she wanted and she was vague saying not to worry about it. She hadn't bothered to get me anything which was fine but I wanted to get her something. She started complaining about not having any money and I suggested she cut down on non essential things and she snapped, saying I was controlling and that I thought I was too good for her. I was close to her mum and siblings and she made them cut me off, along with my Godchildren. So I not only lost my best friend, I also lost my Godkids and her family. I miss the kids so much and she doesn't care.
She knew all about my mental health and she would always say that she would prefer me on my worst days than not having me in her life at all. 

I did a slow cooker beef and red wine casserole, plus a random recipe I found online for chicken sausage, potato and cheese casserole. It sounds weird but tastes really good!

Thanks for the volunteer link too