Lived Experience Forum

[Lee71]

@NatureLover 

Hey, I'm glad you're back actually .

You were right the other night I was extremely tempted,  but instead I took my night medication and went to bed. Its been about 2 months since I have had to do that.  For the past two months I've been mostly ok.  All that has changed now, I'm sinking and sinking fast. With the virus, which doesn't help anyone's mental health,  where I live, it's all taking a toll. I'm going to end up right at the bottom of that dark pit again.

[NatureLover]

Well done @Lee71 for taking your night meds the other night and going to sleep. 

I too dread the dark pit, and am sorry you feel you're sinking fast. Can I ask whether you're on any medication for depression? 

And is your housing situation not good either?

[Lee71]

@NatureLover 

Yes I am . I have been on  one that's worked since December. I live in a boarding house.

As for the dark pit, that's where I think I'm destined to be

[NatureLover]

@Lee71 I'm relieved to hear you're on meds for depression. And can I ask, is your therapist a psychiatrist who could maybe review/ adjust your meds?

I can understand that a boarding house would be a difficult place to live. 😞

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@Lee71 wrote:

As for the dark pit, that's where I think I'm destined to be

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I am hoping this won't happen. Can you tell your therapist this?

[Lee71]

@NatureLover 

I'm go in g to see a doctor about adjusting my meds. And I will tell him today when I see him.

Am i allowed to share a song link with you.  It's a song that describes perfectly how I feel when I'm in this pit, and I only listen to it when I'm not ok

[NatureLover]

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@Lee71 wrote:

I'm go in g to see a doctor about adjusting my meds. And I will tell him today when I see him.

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That's good, @Lee71 . And I'm relieved to hear you have this support in place. 

I think you're allowed by the SANE forums to post song links, as I've seen others do it. I have to be honest here and tell you that one of my strategies for keeping mentally as well as possible is to not listen to any extremely dark or heavy metal/ death metal music, to protect myself. But I suggest you post the song link and I will try to listen; I know my limits well, and if I can't manage it, then maybe others here can listen instead?

[Lee71]

@NatureLover 

Thank you for trying to listen. I hope it doesn't bother you too much

https://youtu.be/BF-nZziUCCY 

[NatureLover]

I was able to listen to it (just). The music and her voice was beautiful. The lyrics were dark, but I continued to listen because I remember when I was severely depressed and suicidal for years I used to write very dark poetry about death. I also used to paint very dark things, so I know that in that dark place, you need things like that song. I've since got rid of all that dark stuff I wrote and painted, and I don't think I'll listen to that song again...I have mixed feelings about it. 

I guess it has helped me a bit to see where you're at. 

What time is your appointment today @Lee71 ?

[Lee71]

@NatureLover 

I'm sorry that song was so difficult for you to listen to . But I appreciate you doing so. It is really tough to listen to, but describes what I feel pretty much. It goes a lot deeper as you know, prior to my 2 months of feeling ok, I was depressed and suicidal for a long long time. Constantly under the care of the mental health team.  And now I'm almost back where I was before.

My appointment is at 1, in an hour

[NatureLover]

I'm really encouraged to hear you had 2 months of wellness, @Lee71 . It must feel devastating to be almost back in the darkness again. I think you must be a strong person though, to have survived years of SI (suicidal ideation). That's not to take away from what you're suffering at the moment. 

I hope your appointment goes well, and you get to say what you need to and get some help.