Need to vent

[BlueBay]

Not coping 

real struggles 

hibernating at home 

back in bed 

it’s all too much 

[FloatingFeather]

Hi @BlueBay,

It sounds like things are pretty tough for you at the moment. Is someone home with you today? I know those days when it's all too much - I've had a few of those hibernating days myself. I do hope that you start to feel a bit better soon.

How would you feel about sitting outside a bit today and enjoying the weather. I do that when I'm feeling flat and it does help me a little.

I really hope your day improves and you start feeling a little better soon.

FloatingFeather ❤️ 

[BlueBay]

Im home alone 

everything is such an effort 

outside ?? - nah can’t face it 

I’ve just emailed my physio who wanted to know how I was going and told him to let my Dr know (they’re in same clinic) as I’m too worried about calling my dr as receptionist will think “oh it’s me again”

@FloatingFeather 

[FloatingFeather]

Fair enough not wanting to go outside today @BlueBay - sometimes things just seem to much of an effort. 

It's good that you reached out to your physio. It's also good that you asked him to let your doctor know how you are getting on. It's a shame that you feel you can't call because of the receptionist. It doesn't seem a good fit for someone working in a doctor's office to think that way around patients.

Is there something you can think of that you can do today that might help you feel a little better? Someone you can have a chat with, a show you like to watch, music you like to listen to etc.

[BlueBay]

Going to stay in bed and watch midday movie 

I was supposed to go out dinner with ex work colleagues but just cancelled. 
I’d rather stay home. 

@FloatingFeather 

[FloatingFeather]

A midday movie sounds like a good idea @BlueBay.

Probably also a good idea not to go to dinner with ex work colleagues if you're not feeling up to it. Hopefully an evening at home will help you feel a bit better.

[BlueBay]

Content/trigger warning

I’m so over my mums bullying and blocking me from seeing my dad. 

Called before and left a msg. I rang twice no answer. I just tried again. She answered and was very cold. I said I left a msg to which she replied no I didn’t get it. I said that’s strange because I definitely left a msg. She said no. I told her I want to come and see dad. She said no as he is seeing his doctor and needs his rest. 

I’m over her bullshit crap. I’m been punished for something I haven’t done. Or is she punishing me bevsuse of my abuse. Is it my fault. 

I hate her. I’m angry. I’m emotional. 

[tyme]

What happens if you just go over there? @BlueBay ?

I'm so sorry this is happening for you. 

Do you know how your dad is going?

Hugs to you @BlueBay - I'm hearing it hurts so much right now.

[BlueBay]

hi @tyme 

if i was to go there she would either (a) pretend to not be home therefore not open the door

(b) open the door and have a go at me and then that would be a confrontation (which i don't like) and then my dad would stress (which is what she told me he cant have any stress, so the dr told her) which i believe is her making these rules up not the dr.

I have no idea how he is. she told me this morning he had to go to dr's and then rest.  she doesn't say much at all.  in fact today she was very cold towards me. and i am positive it's because i haven't phoned daily.  but i am not ringing daily.

i just don't know what else to do except forget about him.  i am tired of arguing with her, although i wish i was so strong that i could answer back to her, tell her exactly what i think. but me being me - i can't.

do you know she could have said this morning - look dad's going to the drs but you can come later on or this afternoon.  it makes me very angry because i know that my younger sister who i don't talk to, sees him daily.  so why can she see him and not me or my other sister.  what's so special about her.  

i am having trouble atm bgecause i am internalising all this crap, and so much i want to do to myself to release this anger.

it's not fair, i am a child, a daughter just like the other one. 

maybe they hate me because i opened up a can of worms and told them about my abuse.

i feel stuck, it's emotional abuse; it's keeping me and my sister out of the picture.  it's quite clear that she doesn't want us to see our dad, keep us out.

how would she like it.  

how can a mother be like this; my own mum.

i hate her so much, the anger just gets bigger and bigger.

i have had a horrible week especially yesterday, emailing my support for help.  i was in bed most of the day, didn't want to see or speak to anyone.  cancelled two appts (one was dinner with frineds) becaus ei dint' want to see them or speak with them.

i am still not great.  i just wish i could speak to my psychiatrist or GP but can't until two weeks.  that's too long to wait.

in the meantime i don't know what to do.

so i could go to the door but i know what she is like.  she has done this behaviour before.  and telling me this morning that she never got my phone message.  i left a message i know i did. but she loves to invalidate me and i feel i am going crazy. or even more crazier than i am.

[tyme]

Hi @BlueBay ,

Hearing you. It must be so tough right now. 

I encourage you to find some space to be kind to yourself. It sounds so painfully hard at the moment.

Please take care,

tyme