Need to vent

[Emelia8]

I understand @BlueBay ♥

It would be fantastic if you got to see your Dad today,  so I really hope that can happen. 

Sending love and care 💞

[BlueBay]

hi @Emelia8 @tyme @Snowie @Shaz51 @amber22 and others i have forgotten (sorry)

Well this morning i decided to call the hospital and see how my dad is and if allowed visitors.

as soon as phone was answered i got asked if i was my sister to which i said no i am another daughter.  she said you will need to talk to the next of kin for info on your dad.  I asked if visitors were allowed and she said one visitor per day!!!  Wtf!!!

update just now - received a phone call from my sister to say that my dad is home!!  Apparently no stroke; it is his high blood pressure and heart valves that are the issue.  And get this - he is NOT allowed any visitors or anyone that will make him upset.  WTF.  i just want to see my dad for myself, i want to see him and yet again she is controlling the whole f.....g situation.

i am so over my mum and her damn control.  she will use 'the doctor said' excuse for a while now so we don't go over.

i am glad he is home as he must be ok to be home.  

i need a strong drink, to help me relax

[Emelia8]

I'm so sorry you never got to see your Dad while he was in hospital @BlueBay.  I thought it may have been the chance you needed to finally get to see him.  Its a real shame that never happened.  But on a happier note, I am glad he is well enough to be allowed home.  It is so unfair how your Mum and/or your other sister control things so completely when it comes to permitting you to see your Dad.  It simply does not make any sense, and is so very wrong of them.  I hope you can do something relaxing this afternoon to try to calm your nerves and settle you down a little.  I understand your frustration, anger, hurt and no doubt an abundance of other emotions around this issue.  But it wont help anyone by you getting worked up about it, least of all you.  Please try to remain as calm as possible.  Much love to you BB.

[BlueBay]

you know @Emelia8 all i wanted to do was to see my dad face to face.

but - i never got that chance.  i am so damn angry.

my mum again is controlling the situation now that he is home.

and i am sure that my younger sister (who is the carer) is helping mum control things

i just received a phone call from my psychiatrist.  so nice of her. she had a very long day but read my email and thought she needs to talk to me.  she genuinely cares.

anyway, i am feeling very exhausted.  my psych told me tonight that she feels for me as i have so much stress at the moment and we need to get it down.  i need rest, sleep and calm.  but not getting it atm.  also i have noticed that when i laugh i am feeling faint.  this happened a little while ago and my cardiologist couldn't work out the reason. when my older son makes me laugh (which isn't very often at the moment) then i feel faint.  must let my doctor know as he doesn't know as the last time i saw a different doctor.

i saw my cpap lady this afternoon.  she has noticed that my 'episodes' have increased and its all to do with stress.  she explained as soon as the stress levels go up so does my sleep apnoea.  so tonight i am taking a med to help me sleep and hopefully stay asleep all night which will help.

how are you Em? i know you are struggling atm and having a hard time.  i wish that things turn around for you soon.  

little A's nan (her dads mum) house caught on fire last week and is completely guttered.  don't know how it started but she has lost everything.  very sad.  so this is what little A decided to do when my D told her.  She asked her mum if they could go to kmart and my D asked why.  Little A replied 'because i want to buy some clothes for nan, as she has nothing now because of the fire'.

how amazing is that, that a 5 yr old can think like that and be so empathetic.  My d took her after school today and she bought a jumper. Little A is such a deep thinker and so so kind.

i better go and try to do some crochet.  i have picked it up today and trying to stay busy so my sh thoughts don't pop up. 

hope you have a good night and sleep well xxxxx

hi @Snowie @Shaz51 @amber22 @tyme @Eve7 @FloatingFeather @hanami and others

xxxxxx

[tyme]

Hugs @BlueBay ,

Thanks for letting us know how things are going at the moment.

I'm sorry to hear you have not yet seen your dad. I hope you will get to see him soon.

As for your own health, feeling faint while laughing is quite concerning. It would definitely be good to speak to your specialist. 

I really hope you get more sleep tonight. You have a lot on your shoulders right now.

Take care, tyme

[Emelia8]

Thank you @BlueBay 💞🤗  that is really kind of you to think of me during such a difficult time for yourself.  And little A, that's lovely that she is such a thoughtful little girl.  She clearly takes after you with her empathy.  Really sad to hear of her Nan's home catching fire and burning down.  Hope the medication helps you get some good sleep tonight.  Big hugs  🤗💕

[BlueBay]

Not a good sleep last night 

I did take a med before bed 

I think once hubby goes back to work on Monday I will get back to routine 

Ive been triggered a bit today. I am starting to write a victim impact statement.  And it’s making e patience all big emotions. Maybe not a hood week to be doing this. 

Saw my physio this morning. He got rid of a few knots in my back and neck. 

So glad it’s Friday. I want this week to be over. 

hi @tyme @Emelia8 @Snowie @amber22 @amber22 @Shaz51 @FloatingFeather @Eve7 and others 

[FloatingFeather]

Hi @BlueBay,

Nice to see you and thanks for the tag. I hope you are doing okay. 

I know what you mean when you talk about getting back into a routine when hubby goes back to work. I feel the same way. Over the Christmas period between the kids and husband being home it really threw my routine out. I'm am pretty routine based so I much prefer when things are back on track.

A victim impact statement can be a really big thing to sit with and can bring up some very heavy emotions. I agree with you, if you're not in a particularly good frame of mind at the moment (and if it's not urgent that you get your victim impact statement done), I would encourage you to take some time away from it. 

Also, do you have / are you aware of any organisations that support victims of crime. I know of organisations in Victoria and NSW (and I'm sure other States and Territories have something similar too). If you haven't yet, maybe you would benefit from contacting such an organisation.

I'm glad it's Friday too - sounds like it's been a bit of a rough week for a few of us.

Take care,

FloatingFeather

[Snowie]

@BlueBay ❤️❤️

[Shaz51]

hugs and hugs my sister @BlueBay xxxx