Lived Experience Forum

[Skyaa]

I have some important things to deal with right now, which I have been putting off and I am very stressed about... I thought some meditation/mindfulness might help calm me down and prepare me... But instead it led to me having disturbing memories/flashbacks from my childhood.

Has anyone found a simple and free way to become calm and stop disturbing memories/flashbacks fast?

[SkySeeker22]

@Skyaa 

Welcome to the forums.  I hope you find the support you need here.

I'm sorry to hear the the meditation/mindfulness brought back those memories/flashbacks for you.  If you feel comfortable in sharing, could you explain a little more about what techniques you tried, just so the same thing isn't suggested again by a member? 

Do you have any supports available around you who you can talk to about these flashbacks/memories?  It sounds like they are quite disturbing and disruptive to you and perhaps talking these through with someone you trust may help these be less impactful to you?

I'm sorry if this is something that you have already tried, but when I need to calm down grounding techniques help me quite a bit.  These usually involve being mindful about your surroundings and taking focus away from what is going on in your brain (the memories/flashbacks) and drawing you into whats around you.  One that I really like is picking a colour, and looking around my surrounding to try and find 5 things that are different shades of that colour.  It makes me really look at whats around me and a notice smaller details in my environment.  There are many other grounding techniques too, I just don't want to rattle off a lot of things if you've already tried them!

Warm regards,

SkySeeker22

[PizzaMondo]

Hi @Skyaa 🙂

I'm sorry to hear your experience of practicing meditation and mindfulness led you to further experience unwanted and disturbing memories.

I'm curious (because this is something I too have experienced when I first started practicing) if you have considered/tried the following:

- changing your focus: e.g. if you are focusing on your breath and that has brought on negative flashbacks, to try focus on something in your real world.. such as the pressure of your feet pushing into the ground, or feeling how the soft fabrics of your clothing feel on your body. Something you can visibly either see, or feel in the present - and it's OK to keep your eyes open!

- with mindfulness, I like to grab something I enjoy such as a small crystal or even my squishmallow and outline it's shape, features, any patterns on its body to help anchor me back into the present when I am feel anxious - this allows me to redirect my focus in a safe way from the comfort of my own room and stop the intrusive thoughts trying to dig at my brain.

On the other hand, I am wondering who is part of your support network currently, friends, family, mental-health professionals?

Is it possible to lean on someone and receive some external support when you're experiencing these thoughts?

Warmest,
PizzaMondo 🙂

[Snowie]

Hi @Skyaa 

Welcome to the Sane Forums.

I too suffer from flashbacks/disturbing memories. They increase my anxiety, I get stressed and at times I dissociate.

One of the things I have found to help is a tool/coping box. In it I have different things to help keep me grounded and in the present moment and help the flashbacks be not as vivid. In it I have a lot of different things. I have fidget toys, photos of my family, incense smelling tubes, some biscuits, little coffee pouches, a teddy to squeeze and a few other things. Basically you can put in it anything that you want. If you google 'what to put in a coping box' it will come up with so many different ideas.

Another thing I use is my dog. I use her to stay present. I concentrate really on just patting her.

Fresh air helps too. Lots of people say walking helps but I'm not a big walker. Instead I just go outside and enjoy the fresh air. At times I will grab a leaf and just run it through my hands taking note of the texture and smell of it.

Focusing on your breathing can help too. There are so many different techniques but I mainly use the 4-7-8 technique. Breath in for 4, hold for 7, exhale for 8. I continue to do it until I can feel my heart rate drop.

A journal is a great way of expressing your thoughts too. I find writing things down and getting them out of my head helps at times too.

The last thing that helps me a lot is muscle relaxation. I concentrate on squeezing different muscle groups and slowly relaxing whilst breathing out at the same time. Sometimes I start at my face and slowly work my way down my body.

These are just a few of the things that I use. There are so many different things that you can try. The main thing is to find out what works for you. What works for one person doesn't mean it will work for another. 

I'm sure there are other members that have lots more ideas too.

I hope in some small way that this helps.

[Skyaa]

Hi @SkySeeker22 ,

Thank you for your reply.

Yesterday I was doing a guided meditation, which I had done before without a problem, but for some reason it seemed to trigger me yesterday.

The grounding exercises focusing on things I can see, hear and feel have been the most helpful for me in the past, but for some reason I forget about the techniques when I need them most. Thank you for reminding me ☺️

I think maybe I do need to talk about these memories, but I'm so scared of making other people feel uncomfortable, especially the people I'm close to 😟 I have shared some things with my partner and he appeared horrified, which made me not want to share the more disturbing details with him... I also don't want to make him feel uncomfortable around my mum, as I'm sure she would sense it and suspect I told him something. I honestly don't think I'd be comfortable talking to anyone about these memories 😣

[tyme]

Thank you for sharing @Skyaa .

You're right. There is a fine line between sharing details to help you and triggering others.

I wonder if it's about thinking about who you can or can't share with, and then ask them how they are feeling while you are sharing, just to make sure it's not too much?

[Skyaa]

Hi @PizzaMondo,

Thank you for your reply and sharing your experience and the helpful coping techniques you've used.

I got stuck in my head for a couple of hours yesterday and completely forgot past coping strategies I'd learnt... I just had an idea to print out some simple techniques out and stick them around my home for next time I forget 😅

Unfortunately, as I mentioned to @SkySeeker22, I'm not comfortable sharing details of my disturbing memories with the people close to me. Actually now that I think about it, I'm probably only really close to me partner. My friends and family are nearly always too busy to talk to and I haven't even felt comfortable enough to "come out" to my parents yet (I'm 33), so that probably says enough about my relationship with them.

When my partner is home I can tell him I'm struggling emotionally and he is very supportive. Lately I've been feeling kind of like a lost child when he's not around, which worries me... I know it's a sign of codependency and I'm also terrified of losing him, as I lost 2 loved ones in separate tragic accidents 2 years ago and then my 2 pets (that were like children to me) less than a year apart. It probably sounds stupid, but sometimes I feel like it's safer not to be close to anyone in case they suddenly die, as I really have no idea how to handle it 😞

[Skyaa]

Hi @Snowie,

Thank you for sharing your experience and things you've tried that work for you.

I find going outside and being around plants is really helpful, unfortunately it's been raining at my place almost non stop for the past week and it's predicted to rain every day for the next week too. I still go out to my patio and check on all my pot plants, but I'm missing the warm sunshine on my skin.

But on a positive note, last night I completed a project using recycled cotton fabric and I'm very happy with it. So I've found something I can do with my time in this weather 🙂

I also love the tool/coping box idea. I actually didn't realise I kind of have one already, but it is a bit too big/full and in my garage... So I will make a smaller box that I can keep near my bed, that way I will be likely to use it when I need it 🙂

[Snowie]

Hi @Skyaa 

Glad I could help.

I'm glad you have some things that bring you joy.

Keep posting!

[MayaBird07]

Hi @Skyaa 

I find it difficult to meditate for similar reasons.

I like to do breathing exercises instead as it gives me something to focus on and gets me out of my head for a moment.

Box breathing is a good one and easy to remember -  (Inhale to count of 4, hold to count of 4, exhale to count of 4 and hold to the count of 4) - do it for 5 - 10 rounds or for as long as you feel comfortable. 

There are heaps of breathing exercises to choose from. Even just lengthening your exhale can be enough to slow down a racing mind or anxious feeling. 

I hope that helps in any way and you feel better soon. 🙂