Lived Experience Forum

[Gillie1]

Nowhere no one safe. Scared. Tired. Confused. Alone. Sad

[tyme]

Hey @Gillie1 ,

I’m sorry it is so hard for you right now. Do you have your dog with you? Are you able to give her some cuddles?

We are here if there’s anything you want to talk about. 

You are not alone.

Hugs, tyme

[Gillie1]

I don't belong here. Not suicidal just don't belong to this world I don't fit I don't know how to interact. I don't know how to deal with conflict. I don't know how to change. I wear a giant kick me sign with how I interact. I am too busy turning the other cheek and questioning my sanity reality motivation purpose to handle conflict even potential conflict without falling apart. I'm so busy doing all that to handle any situation well which just makes conflict worse.

Now I'm questioning whether sleeping with Cookie in bed is making her think she's in charge. She seems to have hit her obstinate teenager stage. She is still a great dog just needs more boundaries.

Becoming a hermit sounds good right now. 

[Gillie1]

It's not enough to say "They did the wrong thing". Or "they didn't understand "It's not enough to blame myself either. Neither one will help me. But I have no idea how to get from here to assertive healthy intuitive conflict management when my automatic response is so complicated and confusing. 

[creative_writer]

@Gillie1, I’m sorry to hear that you’re feeling like nowhere is safe and that you’re feeling really lonely. I’ve been feeling the exact same today, it’s rough 😔

Sitting with you, sending you hugs 💖🫂

[Gillie1]

Thanks for the virtual hug @creative_writer .Back at you. 

It's not a great place to be in. How are you handling these feelings?

[creative_writer]

@Gillie1, I’m curled up in bed, it’s cold and dark in Melbourne right now. I might make tea a bit later, my throat has been a bit clogged.

I hope you are able to do something kind for yourself 💝

[Appleblossom]

Hey @Gillie1 Good to hear Cookie is still around.  Ahh dogs.  Training them and setting boundaries in early phases seems key to establishing training.  Obeying commands.  I guess some sense of both relaxing.  Your call. I do not have a clue but got lots of dog people in my street.  The lady with the great dog is very on top of it, not mean, but notices and expects dog to behave ... mostly ... I laugh and say they are allowed to be dogs after all ...

I can relate generally. I am struggling with assertiveness with people at the moment. I cannot do dog ownership.  One challenge at a time I guess.  Hang in there.

[Gillie1]

Cookie and I were supposed to start a new life together. Her me and my scooter getting out in the world. My scooter has been delayed indefinitely and that means we are limited to the two blocks around my place and the park out the back in my neighbors power of influence. Cookie knows my neighbor doesn't like me or her. I'm to anxious around my neighbor to handle Cookie well when she's around. I don't feel psychologically safe approaching her even. So Cookie is worse around her. Pestering her.

That is perfect ammunition for her to talk more shit about me through my dog. She accuses me of things that aren't true and uses cookie to bad mouth me further. She is a nasty piece of work through and through. 

I'm trapped here now stressed out to the max with a dog that is going overboard trying to placate this woman trying to get her attention anytime we are out so jumps on her more than anyone else. In the meantime she is calling my dog horrible names to anyone who will listen.

My neighbor keeps slandering me and is really anxious not because anything I have done or will do but because she is so horrible to me and doesn't understand why I don't attack her back. Or assumes I am doing things that I am not because that is what she would do. Or is doing. 

I am still stuck in this hell and worse I have brought a beautiful puppy into this hell with me.

She is poison and the people who pay attention to her poison need to open their eyes.