Lived Experience Forum

[Ot3]

So I've got nowhere else to live at the moment so I'm staying at home with my mum. However, she is the reason I have complex trauma issues and I get re-traumatised everytime I try and talk to.

I know I can't change her and I'm not, but I ignore her, I can't do anything else different. I wish I caught a break. I'm trying to move out because I know I will be able to heal away from this environment but I'm finding it hard to get a job. All jobs need experience and those that don't, the employers prefer employing younger people to save money.

I'm driving Uberx and UberEats every couple of days to make a bit of money but it's so inconsistent and I just don't know what else to do. I've been looking for almost 2 years for a job but only moved back home 8 months ago. I don't want to live here anymore but I can't find a way out.

I'm so sick and tired of living here and I feel my headspace has gotten worse since being here. I'm running out of options.

[lavenderhaze]

Hi @Ot3, I am Lavenderhaze; nice to meet you 🙂

I'm sorry you're going through such a challenging time. It takes a lot of strength to share your struggles, and I appreciate you reaching out here. Living in an environment that triggers complex trauma can be incredibly tough, and I understand that it's affecting your mental health.

It's positive that you're taking steps to move out and create a space for healing. Job searching can be disheartening, especially when faced with the need for experience. In the meantime, it's great that you're driving to make some income, but I understand the inconsistency can add stress. 

Considering the impact of your current living situation on your mental health, it might be helpful to explore coping strategies. Do you have any self-care routines or activities that bring you comfort?

Remember, you're not alone. If you feel comfortable, keep sharing your experiences. I believe you can find a way out of this challenging situation. 💜

[Xibon]

Hi @Ot3, lovely to meet you 🙂

Firstly thank you for sharing your experience. I'm so sorry you're trapped in an unhealthy living space, and stuck in a cycle of re-traumatisation.

You deserve a healthy living space as the worthy individual you are. Searching for jobs is a tiring process, so remember to be kind to yourself, and congratulations also for the steps you are taking. Its a hard journey to embark on, and definitely worth being proud of for the hard work you are putting in.

Gig economy jobs can be really anxiety inducing, particularly with the uncertaintanty they entail. It sounds as though you're extremely busy, as well as financially stressed. What kind of job would you desire? Are there any qualifications you may consider undertaking?

If you need to talk, myself and others here are always an option. Please stay in contact ❤️

[8ppleTree]

Hi @Ot3 

You're not alone, thanks for reaching out! You deserve to feel safe and respected. Having a place to go where you feel good, or can be reminded of all the good you're working towards is really important. Having a plan and ensuring you stay as well as can be, will help you survive and thrive beyond your current circumstances.

Do you have any regular support to help you manage the complexity of your environment? Do you have any career support? There are services that can advise, such as Tafes, community houses, local employment agencies. They might be able to discuss pathways or offer you more tailored assistance. 

Keep reaching out. We're here for a vent, for ideas, for just understanding that it can be tough.

If you're interested in more support, SANE offers a Guided Service, offering tailored plans, staffed by counsellors and people with lived experience of mental health. 

https://www.sane.org/referral?_gl=1*1hteger*_gcl_aw*R0NMLjE3MDU3MzU0MDEuQ2owS0NRaUEyS2l0QmhDSUFSSXNB...

[Ot3]

Thank you @8ppleTree @Xibon and @lavenderhaze for your replies. It's funny, like I know all of those things, and am taking care of it, but nothing ever changes the way I feel. Like I can do self-care and it gets me by until something brings me back down again. It's almost like it's inevitable. And I recognise this but just need to find some way of stopping it or getting out of the loop.

[8ppleTree]

That's very understandable @Ot3 .

You can be proud of yourself for being aware of the behavioural patterns you don't want to live with, even if you can't yet change your environment completely.

It's definitely a step in carving out your own freedom of self. That's not a technical term, either, lol. Just something I feel really was a turning point in my own journey, many years ago. I've been where you are in some ways. It is not easy. So be proud of yourself for enduring, for your growth, for your determination to be the person you want to be as you progress 💜💪 

[Xibon]

Hey @Ot3 

Sorry for the (very late) reply. I just want to check in, see how you are travelling?

With that said, I get you. The feeling of being 'stuck', or as though we cannot escape our current circumstances can weigh so heavy on the shoulders. I'm sorry that it feels like there's not much relief short of drastic change in your social and financial circumstances.

I want to acknowledge that your experience is valid, and (to me) it seems very normal that you feel so frustrated and are experiencing so much anxiety. I absolutely do not want to diminish the very real hurt and pressure you are currently experiencing.

Please update, if you feel that it may help, on how you're going :))

Sending kindness and love ❤️

[Ot3]

I really appreciate that, especially the line about not diminishing the very real hurt and pressure; thank you, it means a lot 🙂 that line makes me feel understood, because it's such a unique situation.

[Xibon]

Hey @Ot3 I didn't realize you had replied, my apologies.

I went looking this morning to see where you are at. How are you today?

I'm glad my words have helped you to feel validated. Please keep in touch, and sorry for the late reply.

I'll make sure to check back in no matter what, but if you remember, please tag me with @ followed by my username when you reply. I'd like to stay with you through what you're experiencing, and don't want to miss what you have to say.

Hoping you treat yourself with kindness today ❤️

[Ot2]

I am really hating living here. I feel so stuck. Im doing everything I can to find a job but i feel so hopeless, im not getting any replies and waiting feels pointless, ive been waiting for almost 2 years. I feel like enough is enough, im considering applying for the defence force because then ill have a guaranteed job. I seriosuly dont know what else to do. I know there are mental health issues but i feel like its going to take a while to feel any better, but i still dont feel ill get better by living here. My car is an option but i really dont want to live in my car. I just want a job so bad. @Xibon @8ppleTree @lavenderhaze