Lived Experience Forum

[Eden1919]

I just got out of the hospital again after a 2 week stay, this time was because I ended up having a manic episode which I am not sure is completely resolved but i think I am strating to feel the drop into depression again so that will be fun once that hits. I am on new meds which i dont know why but i dont want to take them i mean i guess i will take them but i still hate doing it. I am still not sleeping and kind of just ended up telling the doctors what they wanted to hear to get out because i couldnt stand another minute in that hospital. anyway i am back home now feeling weird to be free to do what i want but glad to be in my own space. now i have to start sorting out all the stuff i missed with uni which is going to be difficult. why does everything always have to be so difficult, why do i always have to do everything the hard way why is it so difficult to just be a semi functional human being? 

[ruby1109cube]

Hello, I hear you loud and clear. I've had mental illness particular Bipolar for more than 30 years now. I met someone in a hospital trip and he said he had bipolar. Well he messaged me and I have no idea how he found me on FB. So he reckons he's cured like what a religious leader has changed him. I love my hospital which is Private and I am unsure if that makes a dinner. Sometimes I go in just for Respite if I get stuck emotionally. I have no idea in hell you can study with Mental Illness. What an achievement. Me I take any and as much I can with meds. "Your terrible Muriel" Sometimes even though I have two kids in Uni I don't know how I was a parent. Let me tell you yes I did the best I could. You may need more Supports. I wish you a 1000 Good Luck tickets.

[outlander]

hey @Eden1919
im sorry you were in hospital and how hard things are. i dont have many words but im listening

[ShadowWalker]

I know hospitals can feel like a negative experience and telling the Drs what we think they want to hear to get out seems like the best approach but maybe we are doing ourselves a  disservice as this only confirms their opinion. We are more than a label. We are all individuals and experience life in individual ways. If we respond as is expected not as is we will be treated accordingly. It is a challenge to stand your ground. If you take the pills and still feel cr.p let them know. Pills may help but it often takes more. I believe you are more than an illness you are an individual living with the challenges of mental illness. I hope this encourages you if you feel the downward spiral begins to spin out and you don't feel comfortable with the help offered believed in yourself, in your worth, and keep looking.

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@Eden1919 wrote:

I just got out of the hospital again after a 2 week stay, this time was because I ended up having a manic episode which I am not sure is completely resolved but i think I am strating to feel the drop into depression again so that will be fun once that hits. I am on new meds which i dont know why but i dont want to take them i mean i guess i will take them but i still hate doing it. I am still not sleeping and kind of just ended up telling the doctors what they wanted to hear to get out because i couldnt stand another minute in that hospital. anyway i am back home now feeling weird to be free to do what i want but glad to be in my own space. now i have to start sorting out all the stuff i missed with uni which is going to be difficult. why does everything always have to be so difficult, why do i always have to do everything the hard way why is it so difficult to just be a semi functional human being? 

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[Maggie]

@Eden1919  I’m sorry things have been so tough for you. I do understand how being in your own space feels good . 

I’ve thought of you often, and wondered how you are going.

Its always good to hear from you. Sending 💜💜💜

@ShadowWalker @ruby1109cube  Welcome to the forums.

[Owlunar]

Hi @Eden1919 

My life was disordered when I was at university too - so I get having to catch up - it's hard work and I understand

Even though you feel like a semi-functional human being - I doubt that you are - but this is how you feel and I understand that - going to university is a fantastic way to learn new ideas and how the world works - I am so glad I continued part-time for 12 years for a 4 year degree - it is a long time since I graduated and it has made so much difference to my whole life and I can't imagine my life without those studies

So - as hard as it is and I do have an idea I wish you the best and hope you can work through this catching-up phase

I hear you though - going to hospital and the medication are both something you didn't and don't want and hopefully they will help

But you feel rotten about it all - I hear you

Dec

[Elsy]

Hi Eden,

I hear how overwhelming everything is and not sleeping does not help. I am gald that you are back in your own space. Do you have anyone to support you whilst you get your health back?

I have been caring for my daughter during her recent depression and getting the medication right takes time. I hope that I have been of support to her, we talk about how she is feeling and also question if the meds are right, to talk with her Doctor.

Have you tried relaxation techniques to hep you sleep? There are lots of great Youtube sites offering relaxation and meditation which my daughter has found very useful.

Hope you feel better soon.

Elsy

[Eden1919]

@outlander @ShadowWalker @Maggie @Owlunar @Elsy  and anyone else i missed thank you all for the support and kind words. sorry i cannot reply individually. I have been pretty much sleeping the last 24 hours i am pretty sure i am crashing into depression because i feel awful and i am exhausted and want to cry all the time anyway i am struggling to get anything done and i am kind of agitated so i keep pacing in short bursts and then sleeping in random spots. it is weird idk i just feel very off but i am trying to keep it together. I have managed to take my meds the last few days which is a big thing for me so that is good i guess but idk it is still difficult. i really dont know what to think i am just trying to take things one day at a time because that is all i can deal with right now. 

[Maggie]

@Eden1919  Doing one day at a time is all you or any of us can do.

Well done on taking your meds. I know that’s a tough call. You are doing all you can to help yourself. When the internal criticism gets loud, remind them of the things you have done. 

Take care @Eden1919  lots of ❣️❣️❣️

[Eden1919]

@Maggie  thanks 

I am struggling a lot at the moment i cant seem to get anything done it is even taking me 6-7 hours to manage to get my teeth brushed and have a shower just so i can get into bed it isnt a motivation issue i want to do things i just cant like i cant organise my head around doing the tasks and my uni work is the same but worse and i am struggling to even look after my own basic needs and everything is just a huge mess i am hardly functioning at all. 

also to add to everything last night i started to get really freaked out about my meds and just people in general and kept thinking that people were out to get me and that my meds where going to hurt me and that there was this thing in my head which i could feel and it is hard to explain and idk i didnt get much sleep either and now i am supposed to have a zoom class which i wont be able to concentrate well in and i dont know what to do even typing this took ages. i just i dont know what to do anymore i want to cry but i literally cant i dont feel right.