Is there anybody out there

[Radarears]

Reaching out to all and sundry atm.  Up against it feel so overwhelmed and overloaded and fighting hard to find "glimmers" amongst the overpowering traumas past and present and the fast approaching "Grinchmas".

I somehow have ended up with no medical professional dealing with my mh issues.  The reasons are complex and I am waiting on the advocate when he/she has capacity to try and address it.  

I'm not getting a lot of joy with addressing my complex physical needs addressed either.  All I'll say is that it has been a while since I felt so seriously unwell and yet again the responsibility to get things done has fallen to me.

I'm exhausted and busy knocking on every door, chasing down every possible resource, advice or suggestion that might result in getting things sorted.

And yes I have found some support and help and had my faith restored that yes there are people who care, who hear and step up and are pushing, pulling encouraging and resorting to bribery and corruption to help pull me through.😇😇😅

I'm utterly convinced I have both adrenal and battle fatigue.  The energy vampires have drained what was left of me after the mozzies finished.  They couldn't get any more out of the 3yo neighbour so they visited me.  I had such a severe allergic reaction I had to call the ambulance.  😅🤣😂livened up a dull Sunday afternoon.  I was feeling a bit lonely and bored.  The bill arrived today. :money_mouth_face::money_mouth_face::money_mouth_face: entertaining a couple of lovely fellows comes at a cost.😊🫠

[GEEKAY]

Hey! I feel your pain right now. I'm struggling to get sober. The stress, anxiety, shame & depression have been almost overwhelming. I totally get it. Stay safe & keep your head up & keep reaching out! 

[Radarears]

@GEEKAY that is the toughest challenge anyone can face.  Please be kind to yourself and be patient.  I go through days where I literally focus on the next 15 minutes.  That's it.  Start small and build.  

[GEEKAY]

@ Radarears Thank you......I'm doing online meetings atm, I went to a local church & spoke with the pastor there and I have an appointment booked for December 11th to see a psychiatrist.

[Radarears]

@GEEKAY please be kind to yourself.  Connecting with people who "get it" and reducing the contact with those who don't will help you succeed.  I've been a part of so many peoples journeys and know how complex and difficult it is.  Finding your balance each day of how much you can cope with and not trying too hard is what I've been trying to do.  And it is helping.  Easy??? Absolutely not.  But way easier than looking for what I did that was a positive.  Thanks to a couple of people who "suggested" a star chart (I'm ALWAYS  resistant to other people's "suggestions") and their rewards for doing same has actually made a difference.  I trust you will find your best path and the right people to guide and encourage you.  🫶

[GEEKAY]

@Radarears I'm currently working through my 4th step (the list of resentments) and it feels good to be doing the work, as difficult as it feels at times. I'm lucky to have a really good sponsor & I know the 12 steps work if I do the work. Yesterday is now in the past, so there's nothing I can do about that & tomorrow hasn't arrived yet.....All I can focus on atm is what's in front of me right now. Thanks for your kind words!

[Radarears]

I hear you with the resentments.  And trusting both yourself and the programme.  When my resentment builds I do what my father did.  SULK.  SULK. 😅🤣😂as a kidult it ends up being a great safety valve.  I struggle with forgiveness both self and others.  Yes it's difficult and not for the faint hearted.  But when you find your inner warrior the peace is so worth it.  Transitory, glimmers, but the blessed relief and aaah and oooh is the reward like no other. 🙏🫶🙌

[hotmess]

gosh I know about battle fratigue and high cortisol /anxiety adrenals 

I am taking a herb called ashwaganda

Being in nature is a glimmer for me 

I am trying to learn to rest ..it’s harder than you think..my training says if I rest illl loose the battles, I won’t survive  I think that too is a trauma response ..

I like to read even if it’s only a few pages it feels like a resistance to a world that would make me slave and toil for nothing but bitterness. 

glimmers can be so small what do you love ?

[Radarears]

@hotmess we could be twins 😅🤣😂 i know about ashgawanda.  I use the word for my silly meditation days. 😅🤣😂communing with nature hasn't been very pleasant tbh.  Trying to catch ibis who come into the house through the cat flap hole (figure out how they got that beak and body through) and then the inevitable clean up because it went into EVERY room and left several deposits wasn't conducive to finding my inner peace.😅🤣😂 the other was less pleasant in regard to birds and nature's way.  I actually found a cool vagus nerve technique on u tube which helps the rest and digest signals.  It suits my way of thinking.  Glimmers are usually small but for me it can be as simple as seeing a bird using my bird bath, a conversation with my 3yo neighbour, watching my trouble on legs cat adopt the beached whale yoga pose (he is black and white and chunky) that indicates he's chillaxing. The simple meet n greet chats to people at the shops, chemist etc. A "fellow survivor" and I share her joy at having a baby great niece.  Today I scored a beautiful jacket at an op shop with some vouchers.  I'm meeting my old rehab friends Friday and I'm so excited to be able to dress to impress.  It's something to look forward to and if I have to bear crawl to meet them I will. 🫠

[GEEKAY]

Talking to my partner, talking to good close friends, playing my guitar, writing new music, learning new songs, listening to or teaching music and seeing new students understand what I teach, playing in church, driving my car, learning a new Korean phrase and using it in general conversation (I live in one of Sydney's Koreatowns & have a lot of Korean friends) Any day I stay sober, chatting with my sponsor & getting valuable information, reading my Bible and getting new understanding of verses I've read many times....I gess I have quite the collection  of "Glimmers"!