I dont know how much longer i can go on like this

[Sans911]

@Former-Member hey there. How are you doing?

[Former-Member]

Ive been ok @Sans911,today had my moments of depression and hopelessness,but better than the weekend.Had a sleep in this morning.

[outlander]

Im tired of all this @Sans911 @Former-Member
Dont say im cute @Former-Member lol

[Former-Member]

Big hugs sis @outlander, still sitting next to you. Just think of all the love and support you have from your forum family 💙💜💙💜

[Sans911]

@Former-Member glad to hear that you are a little better

[Owlunar]

It's okay to cry @outlander - I think I have told you that when we cry our tears release a hormone that makes us feel bad - and it is nature's way of healing us

Of course it feels horrible at the time but whenever I have spent a long time crying I have often had a bad headache - but after that has healed I feel a lot better - as if all the bad stuff came out with the tears

They - the tears - must have a reason 

Anyway - it seems to me that to help you we need to back up to a different point - as Dr Phil says it takes a thousand "Atta-girls" to overcome a small part of a lifetime of having been put down - even if you are the one doing a lot of the putting down - sounds strange but there you are

So you feel responsible for what happened to your sister - and how many other things - and the CSA as well - and that's the point to begin - to ask - is this right? - You have often said that everything you do goes wrong and that it's your fault

So - if this fits - does it make sense that we work from this point - because if this is what you believe is true then it's really hard for us to make you believe otherwise and we need to understand this.

Because if this is what you truly believe and I honour that - can you also honour this - that I believe it's totally impossible for you to be totally at fault - we all believe that - 

So I think I understand - and I hope you do to - I am offering a weird sort of contract -

I believe you believe you are at fault and I honour that

I believe you are not at fault and I need you to honour that - even if you don't believe it

I know this is strange and yet I feel it's a valid point to start with - it's being very honest about what I believe

We all care about you so much - and I truly feel that you are in a bad place right now

Dec

[outlander]

I can get my words out. I dont even know what to say. I have nothing. Theres no tears left
Everything just hurts and is tired yet i cant sleep.

[outlander]

Will you guys stay with me for abit @Former-Member @Owlunar @Sans911

[Former-Member]

You are cute @outlander!

On my walk this afternoon a elderly gentleman pulled me up,nice guy lost his wife in 1993,and a son few years before her,we had a chat,told him I was a spinster and had anxiety and depression and a elderly mother.He said he wished he was younger.Nice for someone to see something in me,as all I usually get is negativity.

Won't last @Sans911, worried yesterday,thought about a recovery program myself.I can lose myself quick once I get stressed.It has been frightening at times.

[Former-Member]

Right here next to you sis @outlander💙💜