I can’t cope

[Ru-bee]

I'm glad that you're here @Captain24 if there's anything I can do to make you feel safe please let me know. I also want to acknowledge how brave it is to be here despite your fear

That would have been very confronting to hear, but I imagine this statement would have been made over very real concern for you. Are you feeling safe at the moment? 

[Captain24]

I just need gentle @Ru-bee. 

Yeah.. she is extremely concerned. She said that if I need an appointment before our next one, that is three weeks away, she would make time for me. At this stage I may need it. It’ll just mean calling in sick for work. Im trying to save my sick leave to go to hospital in August. 

[Ru-bee]

I'm glad to hear that she's giving you that option to see her sooner if you need @Captain24 

I know it can be really frustrating to use some leave when you're trying to let it build and be used at a specific time, but please give yourself permission to take the day if you do need it in the next 3 weeks

[Captain24]

I’ll just have to see @Ru-bee. I kinda need to worry about the next 5 minutes. I can’t look to far into the future. 

The first thing she said to me was ‘what is going on behind that fake smile’ she knows me pretty well. 

[Ru-bee]

It definitely sounds like she does know you well @Captain24 

What can we do here to help you get through the next 5 minutes? 

[Captain24]

I don’t know what it’s going to take @Ru-bee. It’s left me feeling open, vulnerable, raw and miserable. Also being so open on here has been hard

[Ru-bee]

I understand @Captain24 and again, I'm really proud of you for being so vulnerable in coming here to talk about it. I hope you're feeling like this connection is helpful, but remember if you need to take a break, if being here is feeling too much, that's okay. We're always here when you're ready

I did want to let you know that I'm unfortunately heading off early today. @rav3n is here, and I'll be back on tomorrow morning. 

I'm really glad that I was able to talk to you today and I hope I'll see you here soon 

[Captain24]

Thank you for being understanding @Ru-bee  Thanks for your support today, I’m not sure I deserved it though. 

[rav3n]

hiya @Captain24 !! just read some of your recent posts, i can hear that things have been a bit overwhelming post-psych appointment. it can be heavy with all those mixed feelings floating around, i'm sitting with you 💙

[Captain24]

Hey @rav3n 

Ive been very open on here today and I said I wouldn’t do it anymore and that I’d only come on when certain mods were on. Those ones know what has been going on for the last few weeks. I’m so scared of getting into trouble on here or doing the wrong thing. I’ve lost all confidence in myself