I can’t cope

[tyme]

Hey @Captain24 , how's things? 

[Jynx]

Hmm @Captain24 yeah that sucks. I can imagine that feels very restricting, and like a source of safety and support is inaccessible. Do you think if you asked for like a 'flexible work arrangement' where you were allowed to use your phone, but specifically for MH support reasons? Get a note from your GP and/or psych as evidence? Food for thought!

[Captain24]

Struggling @tyme 

I have mentioned it before @Jynx but it was a no and there isn’t really much service in the pit either. 

Im here now so I’m logging off. I’m feeling pretty distressed bug I have to keep telling myself that I need to do it. 

Rh ask for this afternoon. I hope you both have a good night. 

[Jynx]

You can get through it @Captain24 I know you can! Sending oodles of huggles, and I will chat to ya next time 💜🫂

[NatureLover]

@Captain24  so sorry to read the SH thoughts are so strong and you got no sleep before work. 😢

You went to work while distressed...were you able to manage work? 

Sending wishes your distress eases and the SH thoughts fade and you can get some sleep... 🤞

[Captain24]

I did get through my shift @NatureLover @Jynx. I’m extremely tired but I’m past the point of sleep, I’m at that wired stage. I have taken extra sleep meds to try and knock me out. 

I’ve even practiced good sleep hygiene. I’ve eaten, set my room temp, made it as dark as I can (while it’s daytime!) and a big bonus… I’ve had a warm shower. I’m also about to put a thunderstorm soundtrack on. 

Hopefully something allows me to get some sleep. 

Im still pretty uneasy. I don’t know how else to describe it. It’s like I’m on a ledge and if I fall one side, I fall into a mental mess, if I fall the other way I fall into a suicidal mess. There is no winning. 

What I wish for is to just not be here anymore. 

[Snowie]

Hi @Captain24 

Well done for getting through your shift. That in itself must have been really hard.

That ledge must be hard hon. I haven't really got any answers for you but please know we are here for you.

I really hope you are able to get some sleep today. It's great that you have set up everything to try and help yourself.

Take care hon 💜💜

[Jynx]

Hey @Captain24 I'm glad you were able to get through your shift. All that you've described here sound like really good self-care steps. Proud of you. 

It sounds like there's a lot of heavy feelings, and the SI is kicking up a storm at the moment. How you doing this afternoon? Did you end up getting much sleep? 

Here for you hun 💜

[Captain24]

I’ve just woken up @Snowie @Jynx. I slept all day and didn’t wake up once so I guess I managed to get it right this morning. 

It’s a struggle to get moving but if I could get through last night then I can do it tonight. 

I hope you are both ok 

[tyme]

Hey @Captain24 ! 

It sounds like yesterday was so hard for you.

I'll be on the PGC later tonight. You're welcome to join.

Out of context, but guess what? I bought a bed.