I can’t cope

[Captain24]

I want to do bad stuff to myself @lavenderhaze. I’ve just had enough. But I have work tonight so I’m going to bed to try and get some sleep and forget about life. 

[lavenderhaze]

I hope some sleep helps with how you're feeling @Captain24 

Please reach out if the thoughts get bad or you need more support ❤️ we're here for you

[Snowie]

@Captain24 sending you lots of love and strength. I hope you can get some sleep and work goes ok. Sitting with you through all of this 💕💕

[Captain24]

Thanks @Snowie Sleep is not happening. 

I can’t switch the thoughts off @lavenderhaze. I’ve hardly had any sleep. It’s going to be a long shift tonight. Now I’m beating myself up for being stupid and affecting my sleep. 

[Jynx]

@Captain24 Hey darlin. I can really hear how hard self-compassion is right now. I got oodles of compassion for ya to spare though so hopefully some of it will seep through the heaviness. 

You're so far from stupid, your sleep is impacted because you're distressed! We can't just will ourselves into being sleepy, especially when the body is in fight/flight/freeze/fawn mode. 

I'm gonna encourage you to give yourself a break. From the criticisms, and the berating, and the feeling of failing or not being good enough. Tell your brain 'Jynx says to just slow down, to breathe, and to be compassionate to myself'.

Here for ya hun 💜 

[Captain24]

My alarm has just gone off. @Jynx. Now I have to get up. I don’t want to.

The thought of getting out of my bed fills me with dread. The thought of going to work is just too hard. I had yesterday off though so I have to go. 

I did consider ringing my GP but he thinks I’m ok after this mornings appointment. 

[Jynx]

@Captain24 So your GP thinks you're okay... so what, doesn't mean you're obliged to maintain that mask. If you think it could help, perhaps it's worth doing? In my experience, I'm always grateful when clients (and also my friends and family too) tell me when they're not okay. Means I can do what I can to be supportive. What do you reckon, is it worth making the call before you pop off to work? 

[Captain24]

I tried to ring but he has left for the day @Jynx. I got a receptionist that I know so she was very apologetic. I guess I have to face this in my own. 

[Jynx]

Good on you for making the effort! Sucks it didn't work in your favour but you took that step, which is still meaningful in its own way. 

You don't have to be totally alone @Captain24 - you got us here, and there's always helplines and stuff that you can contact. You could try the sane crew on your way to work? 

[Captain24]

I’ve got you until 5:30 then I’ll get back in service just after 6. @Jynx Then it’s totally on my own. I wish we were allowed phones. There are times when it’s really needed. I can’t call on my drive as there is limited service.