Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Sem1]

Hoping to get some advice as I'm not coping.  My husband of 18 years showed some signs of paranoia when we met, usually only when drinking (saying things like he was my mark, people plotting against him, everyone was a swinger and trying to get him to join this cult) but I fell madly in love very quickly and thought I could fix him.  Over the years there have been a few incidents, one major one when he accused me of having a double life in front of our small children, but otherwise all manageable.

Very early Jan after a few drinks at home he had quite a manic episode where accused me of knowing about all the plotting against him, would not tell me about it as I was standing near the tv (he thought was bugged) and everyone is now involved including his interstate family, who he adores.  I won't go into all the crazy details and accusations but he sees connections everywhere and he is being groomed and watched all the time.  He says he is dealing with a sex and crime cult and sees warning signs all the time and that he is not suicidal so if he dies it is because "they" have gotten to him- but warning sign is "they" will break his legs first.

This is now how he thinks 24/7, there is no relief for him.  He is very high functioning so no real outwardly symptoms but he has now stopped talking to his family who are also worried sick and has cut off his closest friends. He told me he loves me but does not trust me and wants to stay together to raise our children.  He won't see a doctor, he says nothing is wrong with him and I need to stop gaslighting him and just stop lying and come clean as I am now part of his delusions. Our marriage is now very strained as he has withdrawn from me. I keep reading if untreated he will only get worse and I'm so scared for him. His father texted me to force him to see someone but aside from called the Catt team to our home and then probably forcefully taking him away, I can't see any other way to help him. Any advice?

[Paperdaisy]

Hey @Sem1 That sounds scary, particularly because you've become part of the story. I feel for you and your Husband, as I imagine it's quite scary for him too. I think you might be onto something with the Catt team, particularly if you feel unsafe in your home but you haven't clarified that. It's a difficult situation to be in when someone won't get help. I hope others can offer some ideas.. 

There might be some info here if you wanted to have a read. 

[Sem1]

Thanks @Paperdaisy 

I really don't know what to do.  I dont want to alienate myself from him any more by forcing him into treatment, but Im so worried about our family's future and what will happen to him if he does not seek help.  I know I cant keep going like this as the stress it is putting on my parenting and work is taking a huge toll now.  The only way I can stay positive is to tell myself I have to leave him.  If I tell myself I have to stay because we are married I get even more depressed. It's devastating, I feel like I've lost my best friend.  He's 54, do I force him into treatment which will make this quite public and affect his work and personal reputation or do I leave him soon and let him live how he wishes?  He simply wants to go about life and try to be normal, meanwhile he wont talk or listen to me at all now, its almost like we are strangers, we really only talk or text about children, home or financial matters, nothing else.

[Paperdaisy]

Big questions @Sem1 and you're really the only one who can make those choices as you know your situation best. It sounds like a stressful environment for yourself and your children and if you feel it's going to continue to escalate and he's not going to be open to support it might be the best thing to at least remove yourself from the situation until he is more open to support. 

[Jasper_123]

Hi @Sem1 , wow this is truly a difficult and challenging situation and you are doing the best you can. As somebody who has worked with people in psychosis I know just how scary it can be to see somebody in this state. 

Mental health first aid training teaches us not to argue with a persons delusions but to instead practice reflective listening "It sounds like all of this is really scary for you and I'm concerned. How can I best help you?" But based on what you've said about the delusions he's having I don't think you will be able to get him into treatment consensually. Although he may resist the CATT team, at the end of the day it sounds like he needs support and medication to manage his paranoia. 

My step-mother has scittzo-affective disorder and medication + a healthy diet and good structure and supports has helped her to effectively manage her mental health so she's now on minimal medication. 

Of course none of us are in your situation so cannot make the call for you but if you have anymore questions I'm happy to chat. (You can also call the CATT team and ask for their advice!)