Help. Please.

[Anastasia]

I'm feeling all needy and Cray Cray, why do you think you've upset me @saltandpepper and you've disappeared, I'm concerned 🙁

[saltandpepper]

Sorry @Anastasia I thought I might've upset you re my remark about your son and the list. It was a dumb thing to say. 

[Anastasia]

No, I have a sense of humour. It was actually nice you felt the need to stick up for me 😉

He does say things at times that dent my armour but I know it's not intentional. 

He always apologises when he realises he's crossed the line. 

You have nothing to apologise for dear @saltandpepper. it's your feet up time to celebrate your wins today 👍

[saltandpepper]

Good I'm glad I didn't take it too far. Yeah could imagine he'd slip up with it sometimes, but good he realises and apologises for it. We all eff up sometimes hey @Anastasia 

Ha no celebrating here. It's the kind of thing that I need to mentally recover from. Being on edge for so long and what not. Just having some drinks and eating some shitty food and probs have an early night.

You got pizza night on the go there?

[Anastasia]

I understand @saltandpepper. 

An exhausting day but worth the result.

Yes about to order 😊

[saltandpepper]

Yeah absolutely, the guy that did it was a champ.

yeah noice:ok_hand: Hope it's a good night for ya

[saltandpepper]

Feeling very jittery tonight..

just love the level of distress I experience from normal human interactions.

wish there was a way to just swallow this feeling and be fine but I just have to wait it out. Hopefully it'll all pass by tomorrow.

in bed and trying to relax but my heart is racing. I can't relax. And it's frustrating. Why can't I ever get my brain and body on the same page? I know in my head I'm fine, there's no need to be on alert, but my body doesn't. Ready to defend, ready to attack, ready to break down and cry. Hate being like this. Just fu*king hate it. Feel so much panic and anxiety engulfing me. And it's for no reason at all. Just old things. Old things getting mixed with new things and making it all so much harder than it needs to be.

It all went so well today, better than I expected. Didn't even flinch today. Nothing bad happened at all. Nothing. It's so frustrating that despite everything going better than expected I'm still a wreck at the end of it. Just this nervous, jittery, anxious mess. I quite honestly feel like I could very easily go and have a cry right now. And that is infuriating. Everything is fine, so why can't i just snap out of it?!

It is just beyond frustrating that normal human interactions can take so much out of me. Wish it wasn't so hard all the time.

[Anastasia]

@saltandpepper 😔👂💙

[Anastasia]

I'm sorry, I wish me being there in spirit could have been enough to carry you through. Its a heavy burden you're carrying dear @saltandpepper, I'm so sad and sorry to read your struggling tonight 💙

@saltandpepper 

[saltandpepper]

You being here has helped me immensely @Anastasia 💙

currently scouring the web for something soothing to listen to. Usual white noise app isn't getting the job done