Help. Please.

[saltandpepper]

Anyone else cracking open a bottle at 3 in the afternoon? Feeling shitty. I don't even know why really, just been feeling shitty alot lately. I shouldn't have started drinking, just one I tell myself, just one because I have to function tonight when my boy comes over... i just want to go to drink and pass out. Anyone around?

[Historylover]

Hello @saltandpepper  It's hell, isn't it - trying to find the solution to problems we try to block out.  I don't have an alcohol problem but my family thought that alcohol - beer - was the basis for socialization, a sign of adulthood.  It isn't.  It is soul destroying.  My brother thought that every social situation had to start with beer - that was how he got his confidence.  Expensive, false confidence.  It gave him a false identity at the cost of his own - and his own is so much better!

I used to smoke - thinking, in line with the advertising of the day, that it was 'classy', a sign of maturity, adulthood - being big time.  It was just an impoverishing, destructive, health-destroying, dirty habit.  I no longer smoke and it wasn't easy giving up.  I tried three times before I was successful - but I haven't smoked for 35 years.  Many times, when I sat down, I used often to think I'd have a cup of tea and a cigarette - not for the craving - just because it was an ingrained habit which I had to overcome - to re-program myself.  To respect myself.  I am worth more than that.  So are you.  

I wish I had words which could be more appropriate, saltandpepper, but I just wanted to let you know that I understand your anguish and I am listening.  I just wish I could be more helpful.  Sending best wishes to you.

[saltandpepper]

@Historylover Thanks for replying. I don't know whatto say. I just don't wantto ve alone. But i dont want to see anyone either. Theres things that are obviously wrong in life right now but I'm not sure it's what's bothering me. I feel like so ething is wrogn but I don't lnow what. All i really know is that i want to drink. Drink. And drink

feeling miserable 

[saltandpepper]

And i know i shouldnt be ause its only maybe 2 hours til my son is here and then what? I cant get drunk even though its all i want right now. I can usually put it off til night time, but not now, why?

[Historylover]

@saltandpepper   Words are so easy and I can only say what helps me.  I have lost almost everything, but I have decided that when the going gets tough - the tough get going.  And I'm tough!

I have been on my own for 35 years and they have been hellish years.  The last one was the worst of my life and I thought it would take me out.  I weathered it mainly with the help of this forum.  The people here have been extraordinary and have pulled me through.  That's not to say that all is well now.  I still have serious fluctuations but I always believe that when one door closes, another opens and the fluctuations are less severe now.

I have for many years immersed myself in study.  It is exhiliarating to find that I am not the person who did not finish high school, that it was not me who failed but the teachers - the system - who failed me.  I have found that the key to growth for me is further education - and nothing compares with it.  I teach myself everything and use youtube as a 'personal tutor' on many subjects.  It is priceless. And free. And so is the library.  

We can't stagnate, saltandpepper.  We have to grow.  And we have to do so before our children do.  We have enormous responsibilities in setting examples for them and we have to shoulder them.  No-one can do this for us - we have to do it for ourselves.  To weather storms and realize that there will be more ahead.  That we will survive them by developing our inner strengths. 

No-one can do these things for us but we each have to find what works for us.

I used to have a psychiatrist who taught me not to complain about how difficult things were because he showed that, when they inevitably got even worse, it was clear that things hadn't been as bad as they had seemed when I was complaining earlier.  Time and time again this happened.  And as far as possible he trained me to weather it without medication.

As I said, last year was probably the worst of my life.  I weathered it mostly with the support of people here. I find free services are often the best - people who need to be paid to go through the motions of caring without producing results don't compare with people who actually give a damn and truly understand.  I hardly took any medication because of his training and I am very proud of it.

Our problems aren't solved with medication, alcohol etc.  We can only solve them by learning from our mistakes - and by constant self-improvement, however slow it may be.  It is all progress and only we can put in the effort to achieve the results.

[Former-Member]

Hi @saltandpepper ,
I am really concerned about yourself tonight and encourage you to reach out to one of the crisis services listed below if you are feeling unsafe. We have also sent an email to check in on you which you are welcome to respond to.
Please don't hesitate to reach out to the appropriate crisis services if need:
Suicide Call Back Service 1300 659 467
Lifeline 13 11 14
Please take care, Radius 

[Appleblossom]

Hey @saltandpepper 

Is there a way of framing the urge to drink as part of getting through the grotty stuff, but not your WHOLE sense of being. 

How old is your boy?  How long does he stay? What did you guys get up to?  Men have needs and rights too, as well as little kids.  Look after him.

@Historylover My situation is a bit more like yours.  Yes I smoked for 10 years, but alcohol never got a hold of me. But my mother probably over reacted about the evils of alcohol, where my brother was probably trying to be economical and responsible in making his own light beer.

Bottom line substances have a significant effect on human body, and addiction is hard to conquer.  Some get on top of it, by complete quitting, others manage it by having a cellar, and going all gastronomical.  Hope you find your way clear of it ... to a place you want to be. S&P.

Apple

So for me I try and find a middle ground.  Eg going to gf who likes a drop ... so making cheesecake with plonk, rather than being a teetotaller ....

[saltandpepper]

@Appleblossom @Former-Member @Historylover I'm herex just a little drunk. I sooke --fuck my fat thumbs. I sooke to my T and he seemed pissed offthat i was driking and now i feel worss. Unloved bu my ex u loved by my mother father brother froends everyone and now pissed off the onlu person i thought was in my corner. Feeling miserable like i havent felt in a ling time. Feeling desperate. Feeling like I don't care anymore. I don't lnow why it's all crashing down now, i dont know. I wanrto talk to my T i wanr to talk i want help i want him to fix me and i feel shit that he's oissed that im drinking. Feels like he's done too. Lioe everyone is done. Like I'm worthless. Pointless. Useless. 

[saltandpepper]

Im thinking abour things i havent though mt about in a long time. Thinhs that i know will ve censored on here. But im thinking. And I don't feel compelled tos sto myself like other times. I feel like i dont care. But i must care if im here on forums instead of doing those things. I could so easilyz. I want to... but what i really want is to feel better not to end it all. But it hasn't felt better for so long. It doesn't get better.

[Historylover]

@saltandpepper   Wish my words could bring you some solace, my friend.  No-one loves me either but I'm learning that that is their loss.  I'm worthy!  And so are you!  You just have to find that out for yourself. Tomorrow is another day.