@Dani1981
Friday 7th May 21
Hello Dani
It's great to hear back from you. I know what you mean about time getting away, and all of a sudden realising that there are a few things to catch up on.
I've written up a few comments on the “Climate Disasters --- Cyclones” thread. We had one go through where I live about 4 weeks ago. I was fortunate in not having too much damage, but there are many who have lost rooves, particularly in Kalbarri and Northampton. I don't have grid power at the moment because the connecting fixture on the house broke and I'm waiting for the electrician to repair. However, the electricians are flat out, so I run a generator which ran out of fuel a while ago. Consequently, I'm now running an inverter off a truck battery, and munching biscuits in the light from the computer screen (dark).
You mention that there are some issues causing you stress, and stuff that's making your head feel heavy. I am sorry to hear that. I have read what you said about relationships and friendships, particularly with men and your responses to the attention that they offer you. As you have described the issue, I guess that men probably also complicate your relationships with other women. With your concern about interactions with men, I would imagine that you might sometimes put up a defensive screen around yourself. This screen would probably consist in a style of verbal communication that may be intended to keep men at a distance. Body language could be used for the same effect. With all this going on, the men around you may be getting mixed, possibly contradictory and confused signals.
I would like to know your thoughts about those ideas before I develop the ideas any further. And, obviously, only if you would like to do so.
I agree with you, that you do need to be kind to yourself. I find in my own life that “material” comes up that reminds me, or that I only realise the effect that has occurred after an event, as a result of a very unpleasant childhood; a fact that has taken me many years to acknowledge. Quite often, I realise that I am acting with that material modifying my actions in a particular way. I am aware that my actions or responses are, in some way, causing an affect that I would not normally have wished for. If I can adopt your own words,
“I wish I did not have this issue. But then I also think that I cannot help it and I need to be kinder to myself.”
I believe that we can work on these mall-adaptations from childhood. However, I think we should give ourselves the freedom and presence of mind and peaceful opportunity, in which to address them. I know that I emphasise the ideas of freedom, peace and presence of mind, or mindfulness. That is because I believe that it is very difficult to change a way of thinking that has been long established without those qualities within which to work. I do hope that the group therapy session or another resource person or program can help you with that. Maybe I can suggest some material if you would like, but this note is already pretty long.
Saturday 8th May 21 ~ 0845pm
Recently, you spoke about “a date night”, where I understood that you may have been trying to re-establish something that you were hoping would still be there for you and someone special to you. I am not sure that that went the way you might have liked. Is this tied in with the issue that you are referring to above. Or am I on the wrong track completely.
Please let me know if I cross boundaries whereby you feel uncomfortable.
I do believe that I understand what you are saying about not knowing how to “appropriately respond to the attention of people of the opposite gender.” I would say that is the reason I have been single for most of the last 30 odd years. I guess in some ways the "older style" of distant aloofness has its merits. That style meant that interactions between men and women were very structured and some would probably say stultified.
I've never been accustomed to the hard-partying type of social scene and tended to enjoy a more formal type of social environment. In fact, that was probably because I did not really know what to expect, or how I would act in any other social situation.
As I was writing the paragraph above, the words of a song that is one of the popular songs with our singing group, and a favourite of mine, came to mind. These are the lyrics to the song
“The Rose”
Some say love, it is a river
That drowns the tender reed
Some say love, it is a *azo*
That leaves your soul to bleed
Some say love, it is a hunger
An endless aching need
I say love, it is a flower
And you, its only seed It's the heart, afraid of breaking
That never learns to dance
It's the dream, afraid of waking
That never takes the chance
It's the one who won't be taken
Who cannot seem to give
And the soul, afraid of dying That never learns to live | When the night has been too lonely
And the road has been too long
And you think that love is only
For the lucky and the strong
Just remember in the winter
Far beneath the bitter snows
Lies the seed that with the sun's love
In the spring becomes the rose Source: Musixmatch Songwriters: Mc Broom Amanda The Rose lyrics © Warner-tamerlane Publishing Corp., Third Story Music, Inc. |
*Had to modify a word to allow the post to meet safety criteria
<https://www.google.com/search?client=firefox-b-d&q=the+rose+by+bette+midler>
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I had started to write a response to you last night but the following is self explanatory and I didn't even feel confident enough about my writing to post this message.
Hello Dani,
I am delighted to hear from you.
I was in the middle of preparing my response to your post this evening. However, I have taken some medication earlier and my thoughts are all a bit fuzzy and my fingers don't seem to want to hit the right keys.
Please be aware that I will respond tomorrow when I can focus better than I can tonight.
Sometimes I worry about my writing sounding too formal or precise. The reason that I do write in this manner is because I write carefully in order to convey a particular thought, idea, meaning or feeling. And, by doing this I hope that I narrow down the chances of miss-interpretation. I think I may have said before that you write in a clear manner in a way that I can easily respond to {except when I'm in a medication induced fog}. Another thing is that I don't want to “scare” people off, because I can't share if there are no people there. So, I really appreciate your feedback. We can, if you would care to do so, and have the time, maybe work at my not being so formal.
Thank you for having a look at some of my posts. I will be happy to tell you more about what's been happening here tomorrow. I am, in general, quite well.
With My Very Best Wishes
HenryX
