Despair *potential trigger: abuse*

[Jacques]

I am so sorry karen i cant think of anything else i am all out. I am glad you prioritise the girls. I understand that they come first. Remember i dont mind listening to anything you have to say. Or if you just need someone to sit quietly with.

Oh yes the roses smell amazing even though i sneeze for about 30 min after, haha

My thoughts are with you my friend

Jacques

[Jacques]

Hi @hiddenite, i am about to go to sleep, just checking in to see how you are going tonight, you probably will not read this tonight, i suppose you are resting now, i hope this afternoon was not to traumatic for you.

I had to go to town today, shaking from 10am to 3pm chest pains and now a headache.

but i know i will be over it by morning.  well My angel i hope tomorrow is kinder to you.

i hope you get some rest tonight i am thinking of you

jacques

[Appleblossom]

Go easy on yourself 

I have had panic attacks in the supermarket ..

people get triggered for different reasons and then later the same thing or place does seem so bad

Hang in there

@hiddenite

[hiddenite]

Hi Jacques
im sorry you had a difficult day yesterday. I had a feeling you were struggling.
I hope you managed a walk today.

Its a new day its so windy here. More bad weather in the afternoon.

Thinking about you and sending big hugs
take care
karen

[Jacques]

Thank you @hiddenite yes i walked this morning, not as cold as yesterday but still 0 degrees. I could not feel my face or hands when i got home.

Yes it is windy and cold here to, we are nearly into spring so hoping for an early summer.

How are you managing today?

Any more trouble at the school drop off?

Feeling better today, but tired been digging in the back yard this morning, the ground is so hard the pickaxe was bouncing off the ground, took me 2 hours to dig 1 meter. I think i am out of shape, lol.

Hope your day goes quick.

Take care my angel

Jacques

[Jacques]

Hi @hiddenite my angel,

you seem quiet the last couple of days, what is wrong?  is it something i have done or said? i am sorry if i have upset you or given you some wrong advice.

i know you are feeling low, i am here if you want to talk, please take care of yourself.

Thinking of you my friend

Jacques

[hiddenite]

Thank you to everyone who has posted such kind word's of wisdom. I truly appreciate everyone's help and advice.
take care
karen

[hiddenite]

Why is it I cannot get away from people that abuse me.

There is a reason I spend my time alone in the car, it's the only place that I can get away from the abuse.

The fact I was in an abuse violent relationship for 24 years  and here I find myself in another one.

Is it too much for someone to care and love me.

Being told I'm pathetic, worthless, waste of space, that my girls would be better off without me.

It brings me to the brink, I hurt and in so much pain, there is no way I can stop it.

I am humiliated and ashamed, loathe myself.

Honestly I've had enough I can't take it.

[Appleblossom]

Hang on. The settlement period will be over soon and you can talk and plan renos with jacques and others online and in your new area. Keep breathing smelling and looking at calming things. Your mother and father are probably locked into their own toxicity and cannot really see straight. I havent heard too many good love stories in real life .. I see that as hollywood stuff ..we do have to learn to care for ourselves .. sometimes that is all we get but strange beautiful things happen that keep us going and inspire us. Sometimes people move on to new relationship but if they dont work out things, issues repeat .. you can do it for your self... for womanhood and for your girls. Something may happen later but dont rush just get steady on your feet .. manage the daily stuff, pay the bills, get your rest and only when that is secure you need to start to renovate. Look at it as not wasting the opportunity ... of your previous work and suffering. Think of all the healing that space will be for the girls .. they will be able to sulk it off run and scream and get a lot of stuff out of their system .. they can be resilient too. Their anger is part of their strength .. not necessarily a life sentence. Did anything happen from the session with your parents and the mental health care team?

[Jacques]

Hi my angel,

I take it your parents have said something to you?

I think what you're mother and father say to you is what they think about them selves, they feel worthless pathetic and they are taking it out on you.

Karen you are loved, by your girls, by me and everyone else on this forum.

Don't allow your parents to win, @Appleblossom is right you are nearly in your own place, somewhere where you set the rules, now someone else. You will need to create boundaries with your parents, don't allow them to abuse you any more.

You are not worthless or pathetic, i know you loth yourself, but that is only because you have no family support.

Karen you are so special to me you are an inspirational woman who has been through a lot. You have had more than your fair share of bad treatment, now is the time for you to be looking after yourself.

Hang in their my angel don't allow anyone to put you down.

Jacques