Despair *potential trigger: abuse*

[hiddenite]

Thanks guys but don't you see I allow it to happen I let my mum humiliate and say awful things in front of the girls. I never protect myself I allow others to destroy me while I internalize the pain and I deteriorate more. I'm scared for myself. Ashamed that I let the girls see me humiliated.

I'm so overwhelmed and distressed.

[Former-Member]

Hi @hiddenitekaren, so good to see you connecting here despite the feelings of distress. Can I echo @Appleblossom's words ‘hang on’ and @Jacques“you’re not worthless or pathetic…” Soon you will have a safe home to further the healing and be with your girls. Right now, you still have your car…a safe place.

Let’s talk about today…I’m worried about you, as I can see are others….have you got a safety plan?

In a recent post you talked about some things that can help (like sensory box), now is one of those times when you will need to find the energy to dig deep (I know again! But you have done this before for you and the girls). Reading an earlier post it sounds like you’re close to things being different…being closer to how you want them to be, even though these difficult times feel like they push them further away…can’t wait to hear you talking about renos with everyone here.

As @Jacques said “hang in there, don't allow anyone to put you down”. They are words and you are clearly more than their words..”

Stay connected,

I’ll also send you an email

[Former-Member]

Remember @Jacques's rose...stunning colours, imagine the smell....

[Appleblossom]

I am not sure about the "allow it to happen" part.

Some things are not easy to stop as it is others who are doing it. We have limited control of others behaviour. At the most a little influence.

Did the mental health care team talk to you about the session they had with your parents?

Are YOUR mental health team aware that you feel they are abusing you?

[hiddenite]

Hi appleblossom

I meet with my treating team on Thursday, mum wouldn't tell me how her appointment went.

I'm so stupid I didn't even realize my mum is abusive until my psychologist brought it to my attention last year. I don't see her anymore but I have tried telling my treating team.

My mum told me that when I renovate my house I need to put the laundry in the bathroom. So there would be a bedroom for her.

Jacques said I need to set boundaries but I don't know how.

IM so scared I told mum that my treating team suggest that I go back to the mental health unit. Her response was so I could lie around being lazy and getting fatter.

There are no words.....

Karen

[Jacques]

Karen my angel, how dare she say these things, someone needs to put her in her place, she is an arrogant, pitiful, uneducated, hatful person, whom does not deserve to be in your company.  Karen you need to remember the house you bought IS YOUR HOUSE, she can't tell you to do anything, you renovate it how you want, set rules that she is only allowed into the home if she is not going to be abusive, and if you invite her.

Karen your husband has conditioned you to accept being abused without fighting back, you are just doing what you have been manipulated to do, you lived this way for 24 years, you never stand up for yourself because you could not, now you can, you are unable to because you have been "conditioned" not to say anything.

Karen you are a wonderful, kind person and a loving mother, you need to ignore what your awful mother says and just try to stay away from her as much as possible until you get your home.

I am sorry if i am to forward in my language, i am just so angry your mother has the audacity to speak to you this way, does she not realise what damage she is doing to her grandchildren!!!

if you need some support tonight i am here, my angel i am always with you in spirit, you have your coping box, make sure you use it.

Jacques

[hiddenite]

Thanks J

Please don't be sorry you words are the truth I just don't know how to stand up for myself. I'm scared that I'm not good enough for my girls. If I am unable to protect myself how do I protect them.

I'm just no good.

I feel battered and exhausted.

Thank you my friend.....

Karen

[Jacques]

Well my angel i can tell you one thing, you are more than good enough for your girls, what you have had to put yourself though the past 24 years, you have gone above and beyond anything most women have had to deal with, your little girls should be so proud of their mum for getting help, support and suviving every day.

Karen when you say " i am no good", "pathetic", "worthless" i only hear your mother and husband speaking, i have seen the strength in you, to buy a house, take your girls to get help, make costumes, take them to play centres, you are a good and strong woman, i/we just need to get you to see how wonderful you are, please always remember you have been conditioned this way you need to find that inner strength to say enough.

I am so proud of you comming on here speaking to me and others about this instead of internalising it, i have done the same thing with an abusive neighbour, i am still damaged from it, but i found my enough moment and called the police.  Karen you need to take a stand when you feel comfortable to do so, your mother will always take advantage if she knows she can. until then try to have as little contact with her as possible.

no need to thank me, i am your friend, i wil always protect and stand up for you

[hiddenite]

The saddest part is that I will do what she says because I'm too weak to stand up to myself.

I won't get the help I need because of her criticism.

[Jacques]

please don't say never, you need to care for yourself first, to help others, your girls are strong to go to MH professionals, you are strong enough to go to your doctor.

Karen you are exhausted, you need to take some time out, time to recover, time to focus on you.  Please always remember you house is yours. in those 4 walls you are queen, no one can tell you what to do with your own home.

I wish i could speak to her, tell her what damage she is doing to you and the girls.

she sounds like a nasty human being, i am ashamed to be a human when i see what she says to you.