Lived Experience Forum

[Powderfinger]

It was my birthday on Sunday. My mother sent me an email birthday card. She doesn't know where I live, my phone number or anything about my life. I have not spoken to her in ten months. 

I've been struggling immensely to deal with things. I'm trying to work through the hell my life was for a long time. I only got the email card tonight as I don't check this email address often. It's an old one. 

I didn't know what to do. I just responded saying thank you for the card. That is all. I know things would not have changed in just ten months. 

It's confusing. One of the last things I remember her saying to me is, I can't be your mother right now, maybe down the track. I'm in intensive therapy. 

I just know I have to process this but I'm not sure how. 

[Maggie]

@Powderfinger  I’m not sure whether to be happy or sad, you have heard from your mother. I can hear your confusion also.

If you can let it lie for awhile, I would tend to go with that. You have had so much to deal with these past few months.

Sunday is your day, I hope this hasn’t dampened it in any way.

I’m wondering if your name is on our birthday thread ? We all like to drop off our best wishes and celebrate with you. 

Sending some kind thoughts your way.

[Maggie]

@Powderfinger  Tagging @Shaz51  she takes care of the birthday threads.

[Powderfinger]

@Maggie 

I'm not happy, I'm not sad. I'm just being I guess. I think I've worked a tiny bit in things to realise that the past is the past. I love mostly in my present. I'm not going to get better thinking the same way as I did in the past. Still lots to rummage through, but, it is a starting point. 

She is living her life now and I'm living mine. Slowly that toxic enmeshment us being broken. Trying to figure out the confusion of what the card meant us pointless. I won't get any answers from her. I think perhaps just part and parcel of dealing with my stuff. Writing helps a great deal. I'm in my way to having more time to start writing and publishing again. 

So yes, I agree to let it lie for now and not set me back. 

My birthday was last Sunday. I only checked the old email address last night. So, I got it three days later. 

Thanks for ragging Shaz to put me on the birthday list. I wasn't on it. 

Ramble.