Lived Experience Forum

[PoodlePig]

I think when you have BPD your memory cuts out because you are traumatised again and again. She needs intense therapy to gain more control. I have been told I have BPD by a psych I saw once but my diagnosis is not clear and it was so terrible when I first started getting ill and I had attempted suicide many times but thankfully failed. If something was traumatic it’s likely to be blocked out of memory. When you are BPD you have a cloud of who you are rather than one clear person because that’s how to survive when you are abused as a child which usually ends up causing the illness. So she probably has different modes that take on different roles for different situations and sometimes when you switch between modes you lose a lot of the memories you had in a prior mode. She might also dissociate. I’m probably projecting onto her but I think I understand. She really just needs to feel safe and loved. The rage is a trigger because of past trauma which was never reconciled so it was unhealed. A lot of the time if you were abused in the past you don’t get closure or justice you just get chosen to be someone’s punching bag before they move onto someone else if you get away. So you get a chip on your shoulder and grow spikes to protect yourself.