im back..... i think

[outlander]

i havent seen past the end of season 12 as season 13 isnt out on dvd yet and i dont have netflix although it would be good @Former-Member

it never ends. never and i cant see it ending in the near future.

ive had 150 appointments in 6 months and still i still have more tests to run, MI to deal with and all the rest. bullies arent helping me either and its affecting me more than id like but i cant push it aside. things are bubbling away and ive already reached breaking point and they are realy psuhing it abt further and im about to snap at them again and itll be a big thing. ive tried to fix it but they want nothing to do with it. i cant take them talking about me when im around, the constant stares and even when they arent near me their stupid laughter and stares still haunt me

how much more crap do i have to take. i feel like ive had my fair share of things. 2 PTSD events and their aftermath, grief, court cases, things being ripped away from underneath me, injury after injury, diagnoses after diagnses. my joy for anything has gone. i use to love reading and riding my horse or even jsut being there but its all gone now

my pain is imaginary so i have to keep trying to ignore it. nothing else can be done for me until my MI gives in.

the picture isnt finished as yet

[Former-Member]

Your pic didn't come up? Sweetheart I wish I could say or do something to make you feel even just a little bit better. Can you do something for me @outlander ? Tomorrow I want you to find something, anything, that makes you smile. And I want you to tell me what that is. And I will do the same for you ok? If you want we can do it every day if it makes either of us feel a little better. And pain - Pain is not imaginary. Pain is a very personal thing. No one can tell you you do or don't have pain. I've learnt a lot about pain in people who are living with dementia and have learnt that no one can say "this person isn't in pain" when they do not have a voice to say that they are or aren't, and cannot express how they feel. So if you are saying you are feeling pain, then you are feeling pain!! Pain is not something you can see. People whose legs have been amputated still feel pain in their legs. So your pain is not imaginary. I believe you. And those bullies are just 2 or 3 people out of the millions of people in this world. Don't let their stupid actions destroy your spirit. You are too wonderful of a person xxx

[outlander]

that word 'sweetheart'  is strange to here. i see it abit on here but i never hear it on the outside world but theres something about it- not sure how to describe it- it isnt a bad feeling just not sure what the feeling is jsut yet

 the pic had to modded @Former-Member you should be able to see it now?

ok i can do that for you, i dont know how ill go but  i guess i can give it ago...

my spirit seems to have along time ago, i dont even know why i still have feelings

[Former-Member]

Oh @outlander it has come up now. The colours are lovely, reminds me of a sunny day at Manly beach! I'm sorry that word gave you a bad feeling, I won't say it on here again. I do say it all the time and my bf calls me it and personally it gives me comfort. I was honestly trying to give you comfort too but obviously everyone has different feelings and emotions. Sorry 🌻

[outlander]

its not a bad feeling @Former-Member

im not sure how to describe it maybe it is comfort but its NOT a bad feeling

you dont have to be sorry you can call me it as much as your hearts content

[outlander]

omfg what next

honestly im over it !!

[Former-Member]

Sorry @outlander I read your reply wrong, I thought you said it gave you a bad feeling. What's happened do you want to tell me about it? I might be away for a little bit on here but I'll still be thinking of you and will be back to see what's happening and how you are. Your spirit is still there, it may be faded a little right now but it's still alive @outlander AND I'm already looking forward to hearing about what's made you smile tomorrow 🌸

[outlander]

The stomach aches back
My sisters being a cow and arguing with me
Stressing about tuesday
And i had to book my gp in for monday as the plans were starting to come back so im pushing them away. @Former-Member

[Former-Member]

What's happening Tuesday @outlander ? I don't have a sister but I have a stepsister and we used to fight a lot. I remember how annoying and frustrating it was never having my own personal space

[outlander]

Test results and getting bloods done @Former-Member

My sisters never give me space they always want something from me or snooping at what jm doing on my computer and my phone
Even pop does it now everyone does it.
I only have abit of time now without worrying as im in bed my youngest sisters asleep and my middle sister and i have a bunk bed and im on top