Christian Chat

[Realness]

@DownMoreThanUp , I'm so glad to hear things look like they are improving fast. I hope the people who come today are helpful.

I will continue to pray for you all and the situation.

[ENKELI]

@DownMoreThanUp I have been where you are. The knowledge that the enemy attacks when we are getting closer to God doesn't help. 

Alone with no support, how much are we expected to endure?

In all seriousness if I didn't have my cat I don't know that I would still be here. 

I promised myself that I would never do anything while my mother was still alive but sometimes not even that helps.

But my cat will come and snuggle up to me, purr and show me pure love and I'm reminded that it's the same love Jesus has for us and for a moment I can breathe again.

Sitting beside you in prayer my brother, you are loved more than you realise 🙏 ❤️ 

[DownMoreThanUp]

@ENKELI It is always wonderful to hear your love for me and find support through your prayers. i'm in an impossible situation. Only Jesus can safe me and my family.

@Realness @Shaz51 @AlwaysMyself @Appleblossom @heartathome 

i slept around 5 hours today, maybe a little more but it took multiple  sleepers to get me down each time. My wife is trying hardest to get some stronger stuff but so far we have not been able to get in anywhere until the 26th still 9 days. Thank Jesus He has had me survive times like this before in His loving truth. i know He will this time.

To stop is hardest i want to share all the TREASURES i find for us depressed people in Him. Awesome what life in Jesus is for us all, as many of us already also know. Our Lord is so just, loving and good.

Jesus beats those fakes no sweat!

[AlwaysMyself]

Hi @DownMoreThanUp , just catching up & reading you post from the very early morning. I have some thoughts when I read it. I will share them, but you do not have to read them if you don't want to, and you don't have to agree with them either.

If you don't feel like "helpful ideas" - it is 100% OK to skip this post altogether also 😊. I won't be upset or offended.

Know that it is all said with love, care, acceptance (not rejection at all!) and from a place of empathy and of being a person myself with very longterm depression and suicidality despite my christian beliefs -- i.e. absolutely no judgement from me on it!  I am by nature very direct, so I hope this will be OK to be direct about things - please don't take it the wrong way! 😂. If you feel upset by anything I say, it is 100% safe to tell me so and to talk about it to better understand how I meant it -- sometimes I don't say things "the right way".  But I hope what I am intending to convey may help challenge or reframe some of your thoughts - and maybe something to hold onto for next time you have these thoughts too?

But first - really impressed how you are identifying your thoughts and feelings and able to openly share with us for us to be able to sit with you and support you. 😍🤗

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@DownMoreThanUp wrote:

It feels like i literally lost my life and best  end it for i never going to get anywhere.  This incredible deep hollow in my chest as if Jesus has taken all my self esteem and sense of good away. i feel like someone hardly worthy to look upon. Like i'm just dirt and everyone just hates me and NO one will ever come around again.

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Content/trigger warning

Two thoughts jump out at me here.

1. Your feeling that it was Jesus who took your self-esteem and sense of good away.   Why would it be Jesus who did that?  Could it be depression, lack of sleep, stress, and the thoughts of "why" around your family situation that have actually caused the despair and lower self-esteem?  (I am genuinely curious why your mind frames it as Jesus having taken it away; that has never crossed my mind because it is very counter to the Jesus I know who builds self-esteem having us made in the image of God).


2. I notice the "extreme" thinking -- which is really common in depression and anxiety. I used to do it a lot too, and had to learn to examine those thoughts and notice for when I use those words to really consider if it is objectively extreme or not. (This awareness may help you also?) e.g. "lost my life" - there is plenty of life you still have; however you have currently 'lost' your wife's companionship recently which has triggered the distress. But life is so much more than just one person.  likewise with feelings/thoughts that "everyone hates me and no good will ever come around again" -- perhaps it could help to "take these thoughts hostage" and consider - does everyone hate me? what about my SANE friends? They choose to support me and show care... surely someone who hates me wouldn't do that! And what about my son who gave me his phone number? That doesn't sound like something someone who hates me would do!  And no good, ever? Do I not believe that God can bring good things to me? Do I not believe that I can choose to seek out good things for myself if I want to?

I hope some of these thoughts may help if/when you feel this way. Sometimes it can help to write down "rebuttals" to these thoughts when you aren't feelings them, so that you have them prepared for the times when you are caught up in the triggered emotion.

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@DownMoreThanUp wrote:

It feels like i been the biggest liar in the world and everyone will hate me the sick  person i am, they have already ALWAYS done so. With my wife gone ALL seems gone. i literally gave my life away but Jesus does not seem to be with me just a hollow empty heart depressed as.

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Content/trigger warning

Firstly, I am really sorry that people in the past (and/or current) have treated you in a negative way because of your mental illness and trauma. 😓. You don't deserve that. No one does.

Similar to above, it's a great opportunity to take those thoughts captive and examine them - does everyone always hate you and see you as 'sick' when they see the pain and suffering you have?  .. or just some people? What about your SANE friends here? 🤔 Imagine if you met a group of people like us in your face-to-face world, who cherished and valued you for who you are and accept that you have trauma responses and challenges?

Feeling like even Jesus has left you must feel so painful, alone, and abandoned. The good news is that the bible tells us Jesus will never leave us - so I guess those feelings must not know the spiritual truth, but recognise that the pain of wife leaving is so so so painful that it feels like everyone has left even if that isn't the real situation. I mean, Jesus is still here with you, and so are we here your SANE family. Plus that person you met with and chatted to who was really supportive and listened.

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@DownMoreThanUp wrote:

Without my wife i have nothing to live for, she wont come back i seem to be convinced, the kids are already gone, i might as well end it. Her is the glory anyhow.

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Content/trigger warning

The big question... are you living for yourself, your wife or for God? 😉
If you're only living for your wife, then yeah that makes sense. But ... if you're living for God... then I wonder what He says about the value of your life and what you have to live for even if you wife weren't to return? (and don't forget we don't know whether or not your wife will return - we can't know, only time and her can).

"The kids are already gone".
I thought your son and you recently reconnected this week? Had a really good chat and started to repair some past hurts slowly?  It sounds like maybe your son isn't as far gone as it felt this morning..?

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@DownMoreThanUp wrote:

NEVER ever to even come near a Church door again. No one likes me anyhow. It was only ever my wife who brought people around if they came at all. Feeling the years of loneliness i suffered crushing down on my dislike of myself

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Content/trigger warning

I wonder if perhaps the future @DownMoreThanUp after the healing process has begun may actually become someone who can find connection with people other than wife, and can be less lonely...? Perhaps even can learn to forgive himself and learn to see himself how God sees him, and learn to like themselves?

I wonder if you can in the future in time feel safe to try to meet people (selectively!) and "test them out" gently as you get to know them... and maybe find people whose hearts are similar to those of your SANE family?  After all, we are all real people in the community we live in who encounter others during out days too. There's bound to be more people like us out there too.

Sending big, caring, safe, accepting hugs if you want them @DownMoreThanUp .

[ENKELI]

@DownMoreThanUp I love that cartoon, I've seen it before and it always makes me say YES! loudly.

Sometimes I am at a loss for words but then Jesus speaks to me and gives me a song or a verse and this is a song He guided me to -

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K_Z4VESfLSI

I have been on my knees beside my bed, tears streaming down my face and hands upwards in thanks for the words have hit right where I needed it to. 


Just like diamonds are forged under pressure, so are we. All glory to Jesus, Maranatha!

[DownMoreThanUp]

@AlwaysMyself My dear friend i love your questions and i gladly answer ALL of them 

@ENKELI @Realness @Shaz51 @Tyga-Dee @heartathome @Appleblossom 

Is it true I live my reality? Jesus is The Truth, The Life and The Light. So is He not showing me something about what needs to done? Jesus is also my truth only there can i find my good life back again. The liar can not do anything but make me live his crap in me, so i let our Lord's Truth burn the shit off me and Dine with Him.

Jesus told me lay down your life for Me and I shall preserve it. So my FAMILY OUGHT TO BE WITH ME in His truth, the truth i'm seeking DOWN DEEP in those lies hurting so we can feast. (and i do, but they miss out)

So when I wake up and feel I am a lie  - WHO is LIVING me a lie?  Me feeling  those forces making me feel that? So yes it is best take it into His truth and not deny The Truth then.

These truths also count for Church. i love being with believers glorifying God for Jesus and then i fel so hateful and angry towards Her because the F,.. religion B stole The Truth of Jesus away from us and makes me feel like this to keep me away from there. i hate feeling any hate towards any bible believing believer's Church.  - we have ONENESS in Christ!

i hope that answers my questions. i wrote this when i woke up right! i could hardly walk from depression the house was empty forsaken i was so alone and so incredible down. Just like i used to feel 20-21 years ago before i met Jesus rock bottom. i was on my Way to him writing that. My next post speaks a little of finding Him later on. After The Bad life i was in had burned of His love.

i'm going to Him again in a minute and feast eternity with my family Upstairs there i don't have to miss anyone ALL HUMANITY is there in Christ. Awesome as.

Read the last verse to understand where i come from seeking Him like i did this morning, and where i go now, read verses 1-7. (Best part of living life in Jesus is my life is now (in) FOREVER. 1 Peter 1:22-25))

"Now I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away. Also there was no more sea. Then I, John, saw the holy city, New Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from heaven saying, “Behold, the tabernacle of God is with men, and He will dwell with them, and they shall be His people. God Himself will be with them and be their God. And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes; there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying. There shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away.”

Then He who sat on the throne said, “Behold, I make all things new.” And He said to me, “Write, for these words are true and faithful.”

And He said to me, “It is done! I am the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End. I will give of the fountain of the water of life freely to him who thirsts. He who overcomes shall inherit all things, and I will be his God and he shall be My son. But the cowardly, unbelieving, abominable, murderers, sexually immoral, sorcerers, idolaters, and all liars shall have their part in the lake which burns with fire and brimstone, which is the second death.”"

Living the book of Revelation reveals Jesus to our sight. (Revelation 1.)
His Light appearing inside our inner world full of plight. (Revelation 2-3.)
His awesome love forever bringing an End to our dark night. (Revelation 4-7.)

His Sword putting all the wicked ruling our reality to flight. (Revelation 19:11-21)
Where life shaped by a world without any redeeming light. (Revelation 13-17)
Is numbered to perish, the forces of Lamb's saving might. (Revelation 18, 20:13)

Reborn in Christ a New Creation, reborn as God's Own Kind. (Revelation 21:1-7)
Dining on His Word sees God's love wicked's power grind. (Zechariah 5)
The Revealing of His Light healing us lame, deaf and blind. (Luke 14:1-24)

For New Life growing God's Kingdom, reshapes heart and mind. (Romans 6:4)
Melchizedek's priestly Kingship in The Spirit of prophecy to find. (Hebrews 7)
A heart praying for all the fallen perishing lie's deceptive bind! (James 5:13-15)

Ever dining on God's salvation in the Spirit of redemptive love. (John 6:35)
Eternal Praise to our Heavenly King for His Presence is enough. (Luke 18:19)
Solely heeding The One who Came From The Lights Up Above. (Ephesians 1:3)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pnwJos32IDI&list=RDpnwJos32IDI&start_radio=1

[DownMoreThanUp]

@ENKELI 👍

So good when the truth sings our reality to us don't you reckon?

A lovely song about us going back to where we will rise again! 1 Cor 15

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_i46Q4BNgEI&list=RD_i46Q4BNgEI&start_radio=1

[Appleblossom]

@Realness 

I love your gentle consistent steady sharing of the word.  It gives the thread an anchor. I do believe in the healing community building aspects of ritual. I hope you are doing alright in your self and life.

@AlwaysMyself 

I love your thoughtful unpacking and support to our brother's difficult situation and feelings.

@DownMoreThanUp Praying for you.  I am really glad your time with your son went reasonably.  You have a lot of inner strength and I hope you can muster it in the best way for yourself and your family.  

@ENKELI Yes I have felt similar shame about being on a pension.  The distribution of work opportunities is not always that easy to access.  In my family it has become very polarised, with one on the financial and reputational success and high status job arc, and the other repeatedly pushed into shame. It has made me extra wary of the putfalls of a meritocracy, as evidence of a person's worth. Then there is my own personal path, which I sum up with "a life of paid and unpaid roles in a broad range of fields". Even last night I was "working" in that I facilitate and organise a discussion group about madness. My work ethic is what has given me a range of overuse injuries... so what to do.  I try and find balance. I worked for Social Security and ATO among other jobs. Yes we had company for 6 years.  Also in music there is a tradition of Honorarium payments.  Whatever.  I have always had to be careful and responsible with money, but I cant be bothered to chase it too much, nor can I respect those who do it purely for itself.  Enough is enough. So I just simplify it to God and Mamon. Although I dont really like dulistic thinking, and prefer the concept of the Holy Spirit and the Trinity.  Must be the old Catholic in me. 

Yes, excessive credentialism is an issue these days.  Keep doing what you have to do.  Even if it is finding productive activities that matter to you.  Personally, I am due for Age pension next year, so dont see the need to get a job. I worked for over 30 years, while disabled anyway. I could always crawl to my teaching chair in the loungeroom.   I have only had a few students since Covid.  

@heartathome Praying for you and your sister.  

@REDLINEZ750 thinking of you... had a motor bike discussion yesterday with young male support worker.  I got to show him my current rider's licence ... lol ... and the pushbike in the garage, which I fixed up for a $2 nut (it had been dumped).  But my truth is now I am too old and physically compromised for it to be responsible to ride either motor or pedal bike on our rides.  Anyway, it was good to have conversation.  Yeah, I am just used to pushing myself.  Circumstances made me like that.  I also try and chill and do all the serene meditation stuff.

@Shaz51  Wordless. Just hugs my dear.

@Tyga-Dee @tyme @AuntGlow 

[Realness]

Hi @heartathome , @DownMoreThanUp , @Appleblossom , @ENKELI , @tyme , @Shaz51 , @AlwaysMyself , @REDLINEZ750 , @MissGremlin ,

Act 16

- Paul and Silas go to Derbe and Lystra.

- Paul meets Timothy. Wants Timothy to come with them. Circumcises Timothy so he isn't offensive to the Jews.

- Paul, Silas and Timothy deliver the approved simplified guidelines for Gentile believers.

- Church strengthened and grows daily in numbers.

- Holy Spirit forbids them to go to Asia.

- Spirit of Jesus does not allow to go to Bithynia.

- Paul has a vision of a Macedonian man calling out for help.

- They travel to Philippi, a leading city of Macedonia.

- Sabbath Day - go to prayer meeting by the river.

- Lydia, a dealer in expensive cloth, believes, her household is baptised, and she insists they stay with her.

- Slave girl with a spirit of divination follows Paul for days saying, "These men are the servants of the Most High God! They announce to you the way of salvation."

- Paul, in the name of Jesus Christ, commands the spirit leave the girl.

- The girl's owners, having lost a source of income, attack Paul and Silas.

- Crowd joins the attack.

- Chief magistrates order Paul and Silas to be beaten and then put in prison.

- About midnight, Paul and Silas praying and singing hymns to God.

- Earthquake! Prison doors open. Chains loosened.

- Jailer falls trembling before Paul and Silas.

- Jailer and his household hear the word of God and are baptised.

- Magistrates free Paul and Silas. But Paul, as a Roman citizen, insists on an apology from the magistrates first. The magistrates apologise and ask them to leave the area.

- They go to Lydia's, encourage the brothers and sisters and then depart.

The Holy Spirit forbids them to go to Asia. The Spirit of Jesus does not allow them to go to Bithynia. True today for us also. Doors open and shut at the Holy Spirit's leading.

[Realness]

Hi @heartathome ,

Just a little greeting to you. How are you? How's your sister? Does your sister hold on to Jesus like you do?

I saw the phone of the dolphin on another thread. How exciting. And to be able to capture it in a photo!

Hope that life, especially your inner life, is treating you kindly.