Lived Experience Forum

[Former-Member]

Good morning,

Hold on tight, this ride is a wild one - my life, explained in one sentence. I’d like to create a thread where we can share our wild ride stories.

One wild ride I have daily or hourly is the mood ride. It still takes me by surprise how quickly my mood changes and the impact of triggers, flashbacks and emotions. It’s not like in a roller coaster, where I’m at the top spreading my arm, screaming, waiting for the plunge. No, there is no excitement before the drop, it’s more like being in a scary ride and the next monster appears without any notice.

And when the monster appears the ride stops and I get so exhausted and need a long long time to press the button to continue the trip...

I’ve had little wins this week, but getting out of my comfort zone has left me exhausted, confused and a bit scared, whether all my life will be an effort. It seems I get overwhelmed well before the event, let’s say meeting someone for coffee and then after the coffee I’m drained. So an hour meeting for coffee turns out to be a full day or more of hard work in my head...

How do you deal with that? What is your wild ride?

[Snowie]

Hi @Former-Member

Can so relate to your posts. I think for me it is the things that I once did easily and didn't think anything of, that now feel like monumental tasks to complete. Meeting someone for coffee used to be so easy, now it leaves me overwhelmed, uncomfortable and anxiety ridden.

I am not sure if I have dealt with it. I think that it is going to take me a long time to feel at ease. My wild ride is my flashbacks. They come from nowhere and I don't even need triggers. It is like a flick of a switch and things go from 0 to 100 in a matter of seconds. No warnings, no lead up, nothing. 

[greenpea]

@Former-Member@Snowie and everyone who reads the thread. Great thread Kirin. My wild rides are walking the streets at 3am or sh because the voice in my head says I should or thinking there is a camera watching me in my computer screen or checking for hidden cameras throughout the house or dancing to all hours because my voice told me to and the rest I cannot say.

[Former-Member]

Hi @Snowie

Flashbacks are terrifying and I feeling for you that you experience them. For me the world stops and another reality seems to take its place.

I’m not sure if I understand the difference between flashbacks and triggers. Perhaps they are the same. Flashbacks for me are memories flooding my brain without forewarning or intent. Triggers are things that have a physical response for me and most of the time I don’t know why.

Whatever the right names, it is terrifying. Have you found ways to help yourself when it happens?

[Former-Member]

Hi @greenpea

That sounds like a rough and wild ride and never knowing if there’s a bend or a junction.

Thinking of you.

[greenpea]

@Former-Member Thanks Kirin.

[Snowie]

@greenpeaI know some of your meds help with these, but still terrifying to have. I hope all went well with the new pdoc too.

@Former-MemberTo me, flashbacks are the same as what you have described, triggers for me are things that bring on the flashbacks or memories of past trauma. In saying that, I don't have to have triggers for a flashback to occur.

When they happen I try a variety of different things. Reading a script, 5 senses, listening to recordings, distraction, sensory box. These are the main ones with a few more thrown into the mix. Do they help, sometimes. Other times it feels like nothing helps.

[frog]

@Former-Member @greenpea @Snowie I hear you. The wild ride is exhausting. For me it's mood. The fact that it's eratic knocks my confidence and is anxiety provoking. As to how to deal ... still working on that. I have some maladaptive methods - like eating. I try not to beat myself up about not coping/struggling because it just adds to the troubles. I trust my pdoc and tdoc, which has not been the case with previous ones, and it's reassuring that they're there.

[Former-Member]

I hear you @frog I’m working on that too. I found that my confidence has gone way down and it’s really hard to pick up and not let anxiety rule. I’m glad you’ve got good support now. Mine help me too, but it’s a long way.

@Snowie I like your coping box. I do colouring in, cuddle my teddy... but like you, sometimes I don’t catch it in time and then nothing helps.

[Former-Member]

Good morning,

so while we are all holding on tight on our own wild ride, how do you cope, talk to others who don't know about your struggles? I find it really difficult to do small talk and to explain what I do. Small talk is difficult because I don't keep up with current affairs, community etc, partially because I don't want to get triggered, but mainly because I have avoided it for so many years as I have tried to live in my own bubble. When it comes to what I do, how can I explain illness / recovery? Do I just lie? I hate that, but I could just focus on some parts of my truth and leave other parts out. I always feel split in that decision as I don't want to hide my illness, but I also don't want to overshare with people I don't really know. In small talk I just don't get to know the other person. I've always hated small talk, but now I get anxious days, weeks before. And I know I need to mingle and get out of my safe little bubble. Another strategy I developed is say a short answer and change the subject. That seems to work a lot, because a lot of people really love talking about themselves. 

What do you do when you cannot avoid small talk?