Lived Experience Forum

[BPDSurvivor]

How was your day today @Miss_BPD ? Did you get up to anything spesh? 

Thinking of you.

[Miss_BPD]

It's been a bit of an up and down day, I work at a little store/post office and run it 3 - 4 days a week so I was there today until about 1pm. I came home and did some more packing for the big move, cleaned up a little then had a nap for a couple hours. I feel exhausted all the time so I sleep a fair bit. But I woke up feeling pretty crappy, and just out of place. Every little thing seems to stress me out lately and it's so frustrating. I feel numb and I hate it, I can't even explain how it feels. I kinda feel like I'm not even here, like I'm floating over my body but I can't see myself either..

I get like this a lot after a day of work and it's barely 5 hours a day. 

Sorry for the big rant, I've been feeling very stressed these past few months. Thank you for asking though! How was your day? @BPDSurvivor

[BPDSurvivor]

That's totally okay @Miss_BPD . I think it's normal to feel everything you are feeling.

It reminds me of my subconscious stressors which are always there without me knowing. Then suddenly, when they poke their little head, I get really stressed and tired.

Perhaps your big move is your subconscious stress? Hence you disconnect from things in order to give yourself a break? Just a thought. I'm not sure.

When things were really tough for me, I found myself disconnecting a lot because my cognitive load and energy had been consumed by emotions. My brain just automatically switched off. Maybe this is a coping mechanism?

Anyway, I had a pretty good day. Spent time with my family (nephew and niece) bike riding. When it rained, we played lego and read books instead. All the while, I've got lots of work. But you know what? Ive learnt to value relationships a lot more now. I'm on,y learning. For a long time, my brain told me that the pain that comes with relationships wasn't worth it. Hence, I disconnected from everybody. It worked at first, but later, it didn't do me good. And throw covid into the mix meant I was totally alone for months on end.

Looking to hear from you,

BPDSurvivor