Writing As A Form Of Therapy

[bipolarbunny]

This poem came about because I would constantly apologise in therapy for everything, my moods, my zombie brain, my stammering & stuttering and after explaining something always asked if it made sense. I didn't realise how often I apologised for just being me until my Tdoc brought it up. So this became my homework and the following prose flooded out. 

Sorry, Not Sorry

Confused by reality,

Shunned by the crowd,

Rejected, neglected,

Tumultuous shroud,

Misled by emotions,

Thoughts edgy and tense,

I’m sorry, not sorry,

Now is that making sense?

Coerced into action,

But frozen in time,

Tormented, demented,

Unfortunate rhyme,

Contrite and repentant,

Mind sits on the fence,

I’m sorry, not sorry,

Now is that making sense?

Dragged into the present,

But still hugging strife,

Deluded, secluded,

Exploiting my life,

Distressed and remorseful,

No joy to dispense,

I’m sorry, not sorry,

Now is that making sense?

Ignited by anger,

Exhausted by grief,

Embittered, acquitted,

Degenerate thief,

Embroiled and belittled,

Unhealthy expense,

I’m sorry, not sorry,

Now is that making sense?

Conditioned by madness,

Sedated by tears,

Frustrated, negated,

Surrounded by fears,

Embattled and wounded,

The pain is immense,

I’m sorry, not sorry,

Now is that making sense?

Connected by nothing,

Truncated by fate,

Ravenous, cavernous,

Mental health bait,

Dejected and lonely,

With no recompense,

I’m sorry, not sorry,

Now is that making sense?

© BB - 08 Sep 2020

[bipolarbunny]

Poised On The Edge

I’m poised on the edge

of a bottomless pit,

Debating the perils

of launching a fit,

At the ones who would chamber

a venomous blow,

I’m poised on the edge

and there’s nowhere to go.

I’m poised on the edge

of a chasm that’s nigh,

I know I will fall,

but I’m hoping I’ll fly,

Like a phoenix arising

through ashes and flame,

I’m poised on the edge

and I’m covered in shame.

I’m poised on the edge

of a stricken abyss,

My heart is now racing,

my thoughts are amiss,

I’ve travelled forever

this hazardous course,

I’m poised on the edge

and I’m out of remorse.

I’m poised on the edge

of a wretched black hole,

That sucks all the life

from this troublesome soul,

My heart is so weary,

my emotions are grim,

I’m poised on the edge

and there’s little within.

I’m poised on the edge

of a perilous bluff,

My veins are on fire,

enough is enough,

I stagger, I stumble,

I topple, I crawl,

I’m poised on the edge,

trying hard not to fall.

I’m poised on the edge

of a dangerous ridge,

The right of my passage,

a rickety bridge,

Between hope and despondency,

heaven and hell,

I’m poised on the edge,

it’s a menacing spell.

I’m poised on the edge

of a treacherous ledge,

To jump is no option,

to die is no pledge,

I reek with self pity,

a half empty cup,

I’m poised on the edge,

but I’ll never give up. 

© BB - 21 Sep 2020

[BlueBay]

Anger is taking over 

I'm so angry 

I want to rip into things 

my head is telling me things 

my thoughts are strange 

is this me 

I don't know anymore 

I need to go 

I just want to be left alone 

shoukd just go to hospital 

why can't doctors believe me 

I'm not good 

I'm tired 

I'm angry 

I'm jealous 

I'm vulnerable 

I'm in pain 

I'm hurting 

[TideisTurning]

Just popping in to encourage you to reach out for extra support if what you're experiencing starts to feel too overwhelming @BlueBay.There's Lifeline (13 11 14), Suicide Callback Service (1300 659 467) or Beyond Blue (1300 22 42 36). Wishing you strength and courage.

[bipolarbunny]

Much love and support @BlueBay ❤️

BB 🐰❤️

[BlueBay]

can't contact any of them right now

@TideisTurning 

[Mazarita]

Wow, @bipolarbunny. Your writing is outstanding! Goosebumps when reading The Mania Horse. We have some common elements in our backgrounds, it seems: my dad a horseman, our almost obsessive creativity. I recognise so many things in your experiences of bipolar. I usually read freeform poetry but love the rhyming in yours. Wow again. 

[bipolarbunny]

Thank you so much @Mazarita I'm really humbled that you enjoy my writing so much. You can thank my tdoc for getting me back into it. Nearly every session I tell him something new or I have a breakthrough, he responds with, "Oh there's gotta be a poem in that!" And there usually is. It's interesting how they seem to just flow out of me when I'm feeling ill, but when I'm feeling well they are not as prolific and have a completely different feel to them. Do you find that with your creativity? 
BB 🐰❤️

[Former-Member]

This is wonderful @bipolarbunny    Such a talent you have. Have you thought about putting all your poems in a book.

March the 30th is WORLD BIPOLAR DAY what a great poem for SANE to have on their Home page. 

[bipolarbunny]

@Former-Member Thank you so much for your kind words. It's funny my tdoc keeps suggesting to me to publish a book, but at the moment I'm not quite there yet. I do have a blog which they all live on, but for anonymity reasons I can't post the link here (breach of guidelines) even though the blog itself is relatively anonymous. I'm more than happy to share them in the forum and if SANE wants to use them, that's fine by me too. They have been of great help to me.

It really feels awesome that other people can identify with them. Definitely makes me feel less alone. 
BB 🐰❤️