writing as a form of therapy

[bipolarbunny]

So this one was written after a particularly hard crash. I tend to go through a cycle of anger, frustration, grief, shame, forgiveness and acceptance every single time I crash. This poem depicts what that feels like.

And Just Like That

And just like that it crashes down,

A smile implodes into a frown,

The happiness once felt inside,

Is crushed by the bipolar ride. 

And just like that I’m broken shards,

Relinquishing my house of cards,

Bereft of hope, I start to bawl,

There’s nothing left to break my fall.

And just like that I feel a sting,

There’s fire ants beneath my skin,

That plagiarise a brutal truth,

The world has torn apart my youth.

And just like that, I ruminate,

As feelings start to dissipate,

Into an all familiar numb,

I feel as if I’ve come undone.

And just like that I cannot hear,

The voice of reason standing near,

My head is filled with rapid noise,

Unsettled by the stagnant poise.

And just like that I cannot sleep,

Instead I’m crumpled in a heap,

Wounded, with my soul aghast,

The tide of pain approaching fast. 

And just like that I hit the shore,

Familiar places to explore,

The comfort zone which bottoms out,

Into a rising sea of doubt.

And just like that the words I spill,

Dissociate beneath my will,

Is all this real, am I okay,

Or was I thrown into the fray.

And just like that it’s fight or flight,

I cannot flee the darkened night,

I’m locked in battle in my head,

My thoughts are full of hate and dread.

And just like that the bitter means,

Which turn my anger into screams,

Negotiate the rapid waves,

My head explodes in fits of rage.

And just like that my tears befall,

A sullen convoluted brawl,

That rips my very soul in two,

And turns my joy the colour blue.

And just like that I start to write,

In times like these, my only light,

Is ridding these tormented scenes,

That grip the nature of my dreams. 

And just like that I hold to hope,

That I can find my knotted rope,

And climb again, to make a start,

On piecing back, my broken heart.

© BB - 04 Mar 2021

[TideisTurning]

You write very well @bipolarbunny. Thanks for sharing some of it with us here 😊

[bipolarbunny]

@TideisTurning Thank you and my pleasure. 
have a wonderful night. 
🐰❤️

[Shaz51]

Thank you for  sharing  @bipolarbunny  ❤

My husband has  bipolar 

[bipolarbunny]

My pleasure @Shaz51 If there's ever anything you think I might be able to help with or any questions you might have. Feel free to sing out. I'm happy to help or share in any way I can. It's a daunting illness. But it can be pretty special too. ❤️

[bipolarbunny]

Being Bipolar

Being bipolar...

It’s losing jobs, it’s losing friends,

It’s feeling like the journey ends,

Before it has a chance to start,

It rips your heart and soul apart.

Being bipolar...

It opens up a frightening world,

Where stigma’s ignorance is hurled,

By those without a clue or thought,

For what is faced or must be fought.

Being bipolar...

It’s sleeping days, it’s sleepless nights,

It’s contemplating fight or flight,

From everything that haunts each bend,

Not days, nor weeks, but years on end.

Being bipolar...

It’s dealing with the side effects,

Of meds and foggy intellect,

It’s flying with a broken wing,

It’s being numb to everything.

Being bipolar...

It’s cognitive belligerence,

That leaves you sitting on the fence,

Confused and shattered, high and loud,

Engaged in life, beneath a shroud.

Being bipolar...

It’s racing fast, it’s stopping dead,

It’s everything you’ve hoped and bled,

You can’t be beat, you always crash,

Your life is bliss, it’s in the trash.

Being bipolar...

It’s talking cause you cannot quit,

It’s hours staring where you sit,

It’s minutes feeling petrified,

Forever knowing you can’t hide.

Being bipolar...

It’s manic in the afterglow,

Depression, with no place to go,

Impulsive, the admission price,

Is dancing through the fire and ice.

Being bipolar...

It’s learning who you truly are,

The truth, the hope, the falling star,

The introspection which is key,

In setting your emotions free.

© BB - 02 Nov 2020

[bipolarbunny]

One for all my courageous new friends in the forums!

Let’s Do It

Let’s bite off more than we can chew,

Let’s shed the doubt and start anew,

Let’s climb the mountains in our path,

Let’s revel in the aftermath. 

Let’s make a list and smash some goals,

Let’s fill up all those empty holes,

Let’s shoot our star into the sky,

Let’s spread our wings and truely fly.

Let’s gallop onward to the post,

Let’s fill our glass and make a toast,

Let’s run until our lungs might burst,

Let’s drink until we quench our thirst.

Let’s travel onward to our dreams,

Let’s wake the dead with joyous screams,

Let’s cross those finish lines with pride,

Let’s face our fears, instead of hide.

Let’s hold the future in our hands,

Let’s dream of racing foreign lands,

Let’s write of our amazing quest,

Let’s strive to always be our best.

Let’s be the change we want to see,

Let’s chase our purpose endlessly,

Let’s find a place where we belong,

Let’s always sing our favourite song.

Let’s be the soul we want to be,

Let’s pave our way to liberty,

Let’s set the task and see it through,

Let’s bite off more than we can chew.

© BB - 27 Nov 2020

[Judi9877]

Hi @bipolarbunny . I'm a Community Guide here and I've just come across your poem titled And Just Like That. All I can I say is 'Wow!' That poem is amazing forumite! I am so touched by it and the feeling and thoughts you've expressed have had an immense impact on me despite the fact I don't have bipolar. I have depression, schizophrenia and Borderline Personality Disorder instead which bring their own share of issues. I can't write poetry myself very well so I'm always amazed by people who do so as I believe these people have a special and unique talent with words and expression. You have shown this with your poem and I'm very glad you shared it here. Thank you 😊 

Judi9877☺️🌻

[bipolarbunny]

Hi @Judi9877
Thanks so much for your very kind words I am truly touched!
If you want to give poetry a go yourself. Write what’s in your heart, there’s no such thing as a bad poem. As long as it comes from inside you, it’s perfect! There are no rules, just thoughts and feelings. I would love to read what you have to say. Have a wonderful night. ☺️
BB 🐰❤️

[bipolarbunny]

Bipolar

Diagonally parked in a parallel world,

Thoughts and emotions are recklessly hurled,

The sun is too loud, the clouds are too grey,

My mind is too busy, traversing the day.

Pressured to speak, my words run adrift,

Too high to be low and too low to exist,

Opposites yearning to take hold the reins,

Fire and ice consuming my veins.

Impulses stumbling out of control,

Frustration digging a dirty great hole,

Too tired to adult, too wired to care,

My eyes fogging over, entranced in a stare.

Nightmares, insomnia, robbing my sleep,

For most of the day, I crash in a heap,

Emotions tormented, my heart in a mess,

My mind left to deal with all of the stress.

Manic Depression, I’ll sleep when I’m dead,

There is no respite from the pain in my head,

That claws it’s way into the depths of my soul,

And rejoices at all of the life that it stole.

Stability failing, no balance in sight,

Night becomes day and day becomes night,

Tossing and turning, first up and then down,

Anger contorting a perilous frown.

Tumultuous silence, inaudible screams,

Night terrors, nightmares, anxiety dreams,

Sucked down the rabbit hole, waiting to hit,

The harrowing ground of this bottomless pit.

Shattered and broken, inescapable grief,

Helplessly watching, cause time is a thief,

That robs you of everything you ever knew,

Disrupting the image of you being you. 

Diagonally parked in a parallel world,

Thoughts and emotions are recklessly hurled,

Hope and acceptance, it’s all just a farce,

I’m patiently waiting, for this too shall pass. 

© BB - 18 Aug 2020