Living with Ourselves

[Jacques]

Hi @Sophia1 ,

Thank you for the beautiful words. I am proud at what I have achieved, considering it is the first time I have tried. No you have not overwhelmed me, it is nice to hear.

I will send photos when I get it finished. It will be so sad to sell it, but it is time. 

Hugs my friend

[Sophia1]

Hello @Jacques 

You sound sad.

I understand.

A huge achievement.

You have honoured your bike and that is a gift for someone to treasure.

Are you able to auction bikes like that so that you can get the true value?

Perhaps create a photographic catalogue with your computer skills.

I am guessing that you would not want to take it up as an interest and way of income.

I hope that you take it for a ride at least.

Take care

Jacques

I wish that I could be of more support for you

Sophia 💛

[maddison]

Oh hello @Sophia1 I'm intrigued that our paths have crossed too!

Yes I completely understand that we don't know each well enough... Yet?....

I'm sorry you are in a fragile state. I'm actually feeling very much the same today☹️ Lots of big moments lately, that all require time to process & file? I see myself as light hearted, free spirited individual! I'm not often weighed down (at least I don't perceive myself that way) but when I do fall - it can make me feel broken & difficult to remember the powerful, confident me.

I am flattered that you wrote me a long reply. Maybe you post it? Maybe you keep it for only you? The only thing that matters to me is that you wrote it! 😊

I was reading your response to @Dimity - only by chance really, because it was the previous one u posted. 

We have similarities. I can get confused with communication too.  I have written almost the exact same words in other posts. Almost every word I write, I need to proof read & imagine how the other person might interpret it - & I'm sure I still get it wrong! Then again, maybe the posts we worry about are the ones that someone else feels inspired by?! It's confusing for sure - in person communication is confusing.... Online is almost impossible!! I will share this with you, maybe it's true, I don't know? The best technique I have been able to come up with is to use my feelings as a compass. The words are open to interpretation - I'm learning to rely on my instincts. I don't know if it's always right, for me  - it's a valuable tool. Besides that, it saves me so much unnecessary thinking. Thinking is hard.... & overrated 😊 

I was impressed at how well you communicated your position. I'm not sure, I could express myself as well. I thought it was thorough & kind.

Hope we feel better soon xx big moo

[Jacques]

Hi @Sophia1 you know me too well, yes a bit of a rough week, I don't know why, just ups and downs of mental health. I might go for a little ride on it when I am finished. Yes mum wants me to do a catalogue of all the things I have done. So I have been taking lots of photos.

I hope your day has been well.

It is so lovely chatting again. How are the gardenias going? I lost one of mine, mum accidentally sprayed it with round up 😬 so I have to replace it, I have several peach coloured roses come out they are gorgeous.

 

 

[Sophia1]

Oh I am so pleased to hear from you again @Jacques 

Virtual mums worry about their virtual sons as well.

Your mum is clearly very proud of you  and yes wants you to keep photographs a must.

I was going to mention earlier mounting one on a wall somewhere as a poster, print, canvas?

Are your mum or girlfriend artistic? I know that you are the designer; renovator; restorer and also gardener.

The rose is beautiful.

I have not put roses in this garden as the roots from our remnant gum tree ( pre- settler days apparently) spread so far and some plants struggle.

Having said that there is a mass of colour which I love.

The gardenia is in the same pot (boring black plastic one from nursery) from when I purchased it. It is also in the exact same spot. I am seriously terrified to move it; change anything as it is still miraculously growing. It is down one side of the house where I have border gardens and attempting to grow vertical garden planters. The very large magpies have been stealing the straw.

There is not enough room for a larger pot there and I am worried that if I move it elsewhere it will get too much wind, sun, whatever.

I await your expert advice.

We are creating even more garden space to my delight and I want to plant some smaller species from the leucadendrum family. Are you familiar with them?

Also where some grasses are growing out of control having been pruned twice in a short period of time along with reseeding down a slope, I want to plant a couple of proteas as they have stunning flowers. Unsure if they will survive or not.

All a work in progress over time.

Many of my plants have come from growing them in pots over years and now planting them in the ground. My friends have given me many native cuttings and another friend succulents that I am loving experimenting with.

I have gone mad with cottage plant seedlings that are reseeding everywhere.

Rambling like me.

Well I know that you are busy at the Friday Feast so please stay and enjoy that time.

You can reply to me at any time.

I know that you are also concerned about your girlfriend and family member understandably.

Her love and support will be of great help along with yours holding them up also.

My mental health is not in a good place at all at the moment so whilst I cannot feel exactly what you are going through I can let you know that I care and are supporting you in my thoughts.

You are a good friend.

Thank you for sticking with me

Big hugs to all of you

Sophia1 💛

[maddison]

Thanks @Sophia1 I won't say much because I'm also in very dark place that I can't recall being in, at least for a long time.

I loved our little calves! 

You pinpointed my exact thought regarding sad posts.

I'm very sorry you are going thru hard moment... It will pass.. I promise... For you & for me.

Maybe misery loves company?? I don't think that's actually true in the way we are talking about it. It did give me a comfort to read about your struggles - only in the way that I didn't feel so alone. 

If I read that you were happy, I would feel, in my mind - a peace & happiness for you. But I wouldn't share it, as a feeling.

I'm not happy you are going through a very dark time. I do feel connection, knowing I'm not alone.

Thankyou for sharing your story about your son. I don't have any children. I could connect with many elements - through my own story, & it gave me an insight into how the Mum - in my story must feel.

Maybe I will share more one day. Tonight is not the time.

I'm really looking forward to @tonys next instalment. 

Enjoy ur night. 

Baby calves named after us ! @tonys brings so much light to this dark (ish) world xx

[Sophia1]

A quick note

Will try to get back here later.

Am actually going to go outside which is huge for me of late.

I briefly went outside this morning as husband wanted to show me something.

I felt better for it as the sun was warm and no wind.

I did notice some damaged stems of plants; more weeds and work to be done.

This is my plan this afternoon.

I just need to keep myself in check as I am still in rest mode stage.

This is hard for me once I do get outside I just lose myself in the garden.

My sanctuary.

Will check out some options for gardenia also.

In the interim.

Take care everyone.

Sophia1

🐄🐮🐸

[Sophia1]

Hello @maddison 

I want to let you know that I am thinking about you.

You would be very aware that when we are having times where we are really struggling it’s so easy to not respond to everything that someone has written.

This is even more the case when experiencing dark moments.

I wanted to say that I hope that you are not feeling quite so alone at the moment. Perhaps you are currently or temporarily feeling somewhat better.

I myself find the feeling isolating from everyone and everything along with emptiness the hardest.

This message is to let you know that I can be with you in thought during those times without judgement of any kind.

 We do enough self judgement.

Perhaps you have emerged and are feeling different.

I am thinking of you with gratitude for such kind words you left for me before.

Sophia1

Moo

I hope that the backpackers are loving the special moments with 

@tonys new family members.

His calves Maddison and Sophia

🙏 🌺🌹

[Sophia1]

Hello @Appleblossom 

I hope that you enjoyed your trip away.

I noticed that you felt some ambivalent feelings about the time away.

A natural response to venturing out into unfamiliar territory after not being away for awhile.

I look forward to hearing about your visit and how it all went.

I am sorry to read that you also are revisiting past traumas.

We do share some common experiences at times. Then there are many others at any given time whom we have not connected with.

It is very challenging and you like myself get through what we can as it surfaces.

Am here for you @Appleblossom even when not online.

Enjoy your gardening. 
I actually made it outside yesterday and managed light gardening. I was very weary and aching after. I slept a little more than I have in ages.

A little of the darkness has lifted which of course allows the tears to flow.

We have to allow our emotions to move when they are able to.

Take care and respond when you can

Sophia1

🙏🌺🌹

[Sophia1]

@Clawde 

How are you?

Do you have any other places where you write other than keeping happy?

I am sorry that I have not written to you for a wile.

I was respecting your personal space.

I myself take time out often and as you are aware hide away here as well venturing out briefly.

I appreciate very much your support likes. 
Thank you

 ❤️🙏🌺🌹🧚‍♂️