Living with Ourselves

[tyme]

Thanks for the support @tonys - hope you are okay 🙂 Thinking of you!

[Jacques]

hi @Sophia1 i hope you are well, sorry i have not responded before now, im on new meds and they are making me very tired. 

yes i still speak with Bill16 mainly on friday feasts. 

thank you for your kind and considerate response, the breakdown came out of no where, im still trying to figure out how it was so bad and im having to reprocess what my future holds. 

i know there are many differnt types of relationships, my partner wanted a proper one where i was there with her, she is so dissapointed that wont happen, i have asked her to find a man who can be what she needs but she wants to stay with me, i really do hope one day she does meet someone and forgets about me, she so so deserves happyness. i really want that for her. 

it is going to be 37 here this weekend, im not looking forward to it being that hot. 

hugs my friend. 

Jacques

[Sophia1]

Hello @Jacques 

Lovely to hear from you…. There really is no need to apologise for not writing sooner.

I cannot be on here every day either.

It is important to recognise when we have to put ourselves first when we are unwell or e busy with life.

You have been through a traumatic experience that will still be affecting you mentally and physically. Shock takes time to recover from. 
I know that you put pressure on yourself as I do the same. Feeling the greater need to be there for others ahead of ourselves..

I know how much you care for your partner and think that you feel it is better for her for you to say goodbye because you cannot see yourself ever living with her. This you feel strongly now and are responding ..reacting to that…

Now is not the best time to be making drastic decisions in your life as you are still tecovering from shock.

Your heart goes out to your mum who is your world.  What a beautiful bond you have with your mum. That is from you as well as her. Equal love given.. shared…

Please don’t tell yourself that you owe your mum. Your mum has been a wonderful loving mum because you are her world also. You both give to each other. There is no debt. There is nothing greater that you can give your mum. You mum does not want you to give yourself she wants for you foto be yourself and have happiness that you deserve so much.

Is your partner open to continuing the relationship in the same way whilst you are still caring for your mum? Taking the pressure off of you?

One day at a time Jacques as you would advise others. Allow your new medication some time to settle. Feeling tired is a common symptom of new medication. Your psychiatrist (do you have one?) will monitor the medications so keep that person informed of anything that you notice. Feeling so tired Would also be related to the shock . That will settle. Try to rest as much as you can. Less work around the house for a while so that you can get better.

Good that you still chat with your friend Bill on here. You have been a great support for him.

Be kind to Jacques time.

Reply when you feel that you can ..

I sound like a mum 

You are important Jacques

Big hugs

Sophia

[Sophia1]

Hello @Oaktree @MDT @tyme @MDT @Appleblossom 

Thank you for support

Take care

Sophia

[Sophia1]

Thank you  @outlander @TAB 

Happy biirthday Cheshire Cat 

first one in your new home enjoy

birthday hugs

Sophia

[TAB]

Good point @Sophia1  thanks 😊

[outlander]

its nice hearing from you @Sophia1 i hope your going as well as you possibly can be

[Shaz51]

Hello @Sophia1 , and sitting with you my friend 

[Appleblossom]

Always good to hear from you @Sophia1 

Hugs @outlander @Shaz51 

Did you buy any Birthday Bootee @TAB or Booze?

I am only on pseudo vodka ... my big water bottle.

@Jacques Gently Bently.  Sorry you had a breakdown. Your partner sees your worth.

[Jacques]

hi @Sophia1 

have i told you how wise you are? you are so so amazing. You are right i should not make decisions on my future when i am so unwell. my partner is understanding and knows it is difficult for me. she is very patient and caring. she is willing to wait and support me from a distance. 

you are right about mum too, i feel i owe her and she feels she owes me as she feels she was a bad mum, it is a cycle i think we are in. but as i read your words they made sense. mum just wants me to be happy and live life. im just not sure i can. time will tell i guess. 

i had an appointment with a mental health nurse and a peer worker today, they want me to do programs to socalise more, im having such bad panic attacks as i reluctantly agreed to it. im not coping after saying yes. mum and my partner helped me see it is volintary so im trying to pull out of it as i just can't do it. 

i hope you are going ok this week. i hope you are well. 

hugs my friend.

jacques.