Living with Ourselves

[tonys]

@Sophia1   hello Sophia . I'm setting this message free in a Japanese float. only you can break the glass orb and free it.    The hands of all those we lost along that lonely trail,  gently shook me from my dreams to give your last letter the eyes of that part of me reserved just for you kind friend.

On october 21st . . .  will you and I have that same candles reflections flickering into our desolate,  hungry eyes  in the endless search for our missing selves.    

Will you be on you chair,  small face cupped in hands, surrounded by endless letters and files and non returned smiles.  

will I be winding the handle endlessly turning cream to butter,  gaze fixed on distant dreams of half finished sail boats and a life beyond these trees,  on  mill pond seas,  .   . . 

  In the story that awaits us,  we find each other and ourselves one day and wont be denied fulfilment and lasting peace.

Travelers in time        tonys moon base one.  

[Sophia1]

Beautiful sentiments @tonys 

You have reached out and connected with my depths.

I do not let many in there.

Vulnerability.

The depths are far deeper than most can imagine and it is not safe for me to allow even those with the best intentions to venture anywhere near.

Your concept of a glass orb on a japanese float set free, brings me some relief.

Yes I am surrounded by papers and phone numbers and roads to no return.

Thank you @tonys 

Take care of you

your loyal friend Sophia1

[tonys]

hello @Sophia1     Yes we are talking about matters of the heart,  and a woman's heart at that.

and yours needs to be free of stress or your mind will follow.   I really hope those close to you have a sixth sense.   The hairs on mine are on end.

The candles we spoke of,  are yours aglow at both ends.    Torch that cluttered office and embark on new pursuits or new ways of  pursuing,   Look who I'm talking to.   You wrote the book,  and I'm just reading It back to you aren't  I.

The plight of sailors.  .  .  .  and mothers.     Just waiting it out while the winds are so fickle

   tonys,   .  . . the light house keeper        mb     1

[Sophia1]

Yes @tonys 

Matters of the heart are not exclusive to romantic love only.

Love comes in many forms.

Love is also painful.

Knowing that a child fully grown of whatever age is suffering and more is heart wrenching.

I am taking steps to look after myself in between experiencing rage when talking to ineffective govt depts and a myriad of dysfunctional agencies.

I will leave that alone as I can feel my heart rate rising rapidly.

My sense of humour rises to the fore more and more as my mind rescues me from myself…

A human tragi-comedy I have given it a name.

I will find a way for my voice to be heard ..

I think that you know me well enough by now that if I sense injustice my feet leave the floor!

How are you managing with the new help that you have since your assessment?

Beneficial at all?

Must go I missed a call whilst listening to excuses from an agency before.

speak soon

loyal Sophia1

[tonys]

Hello @Sophia1   my friend.   Mate,  a couple of days ago I thought you had sailed.   Those holes I drilled in your boat hull,   Well  I'd do it again.

Look,    I sent a kite to a traveller in land sea and us thread and my fingers where poised for too long wondering If the hidden message was to strong for a sweet person like you.

But,  you know I'm just a slide projector in a coat.  I think you will sort the fish bones from the fish.    Either way,  I'm in the midst of muffin baking and you know I want the little time we spend together to be bankable.     

Stay safe and in port till then.       tonys with a hug     Mb 1 

[tonys]

@Sophia1   I forgot to say,   yes the help is wonderful,   I had no idea how much I have been putting up with Till these folk came along and make instant improvements.  Special shoes, 

special glasses.  social dances and outings with other disabled people,  O T came today,   mate,  Cleaning meds,   they just keep on coming.  Even got the carpet snake out of the sealing saying its in the rabbits best interest.   I so hope you win your battles because its worth fighting for.

I do hope you are strong and well.    You are a lot more savvy than me.   Just wear the buggers down. . . .     Hogs  and hugs   from tonys    m b 1 

[Sophia1]

Hello @tonys 

I followed the trail and invitation to the thread about sea land and travel and us ..

I left you a very very very long message...

You might be upset with me...

I sang your praises and I know that you do not like that much...

Tough....

I did...

A slide projector in a coat I have not fathomed that code out...

do I need to?

Wow you cook as well as scribe stories, poems, songs.

Farm land.

Sing and play a guitar, busk..

Travel the streets befriending all.

Are you on a secular pilgrimage or a magical, mystical journey?

Are you the travelling magician with his bag of tricks hidden behind the curtains of his wagon?

Are you the busker who plays and sings to give those who are in more need.

A busking Robin Hood..

You are none of the above you are Tonys.

Deep enough?

I have not touched the surface.

Sophia1

[Sophia1]

Hello @Jacques 

It has been a while.

That is the nature of friendships formed on these forums when we have our own lives and everything that they entail in reality.

I also am mindful of not weighing you down when I am in overload or struggling.

Two minds that are depressed at the same time are better off talking when one of us is in a better state of mind.

I say this because I know that you will jump in and apologise. There is no need.

Too hot to be outside.

Garden looks very upset with me.

Windy and hot therefore gum leaves, twigs, small branches, stems of plants, petals from flowers strewn everywhere.

I cannot get outside in the heat and I abhor the wind. The wind messes with my head.

Yesterday I watered the side of the house that is in shade early morning and when I came in I was nauseous and felt faint.

I have moved all of the plants in pots from that side of the house into my garden house. Took me ages. I gave them all a good soaking and hope to dare to look at the debris; remains tomorrow.

I was so brave moving my gardenia up there.

How are yours?

Has your gardenia recovered and forgiven your mum for the roundup drink? whoops

What else have you been up to?

Sophia 1

hugs my friend

[Sophia1]

Not sure if you read this one as I forgot to tag you @tonys 

fog brain day again for me

if you have already read it just skip

now there is a vision

Have you ever skipped under a skipping rope with two people one each end turning the rope?

Magical

Great news about so much help coming out of the woodwork.

Wonderful when the systems work how they are supposed to isn't it.

Someone listened well to you.

Well done

I can't believe that you had a carpet snake living in your house.

I am terrified even writing the word.

Ugh....

I am frightened of any reptile.

I have another story about that to share one day. About a time not long after we emigrated out here and my mother and I hauled up inside our house terrified.

Forgot to leave a hug for my friend last time

so

hugs

Sophia1

[tonys]

@Sophia1   WOW . . 1   I know I say ever days Christmas,   But your letter,   Mate,  in the bush we say you are a really good sort.   I split the stiches that I put when I fixed the cool room.  So one of the back packers did a proper job this time.  I read your letters while she embroidered,

And  I did not feel a thing. 

Sophia.  .  .  .   I think you are one of very few that can see me through the fog of autism.

I saw a side of people that was  Until the covid lockdowns,  not not apparent to me.

They suddenly entered my world. . .  total Isolation,  Its as well they also didnt have the hardship.       So  I kept reminding them,   You got air you can breath,  A hot meal each day,

some iron over your head,   birds,  sun,  rain ....... life.  I have never even seen the outside of a cruise ship.

And thats what the wooden frame around my pictures I post on sane Is about.    If I tell a sad stories from long ago,   I try to still show them the hope joy and laughter  can live in us too. 

When people are trapped in there own bubbles,    My history makes it very hard for me to help them.   My brain slides into abstract,  rhymes,  4 d.  Maybe thats a defence mechanism

but any way   .  . . You are tolerant and accepting and Mostly I think you see past and beyond the story to the message.   And then of course my  hard  medicine is  not want most want when they are down.    All I got is what kept me alive.  .  .  and mostly happy.

I laughed when you said I cook.   Lets just say . .    I heat things up,    till they stop moving.

and then just to be safe,   some times  I  burn em.

Yes I do a lot of different things,  but lets be honest.   most I do badly,   but unfotunatly for those that have to listen,  thats never going to stop me.

I must ask how you are and tell you quick that a flash looking car just pulled up and theres a ball of geese around it so better go save em.  Mate I'm going to write to you this evening because I feel warm when we talk.   Hope that O.K

Its the smallest little things we so easily take for granted  that bring happiness,  and they dont cost a thing.   

Here a quack,  there a honk.  everywhere oink  oink.  old macdonald had. . .  ok I'm going.

tonys    mb 1        back   soon.