Coming to terms with reality

[eudemonism]

Hi @Sophia1 my dad came from Cornwell area. I researched my last name once and found out exactly where but have forgotten.

I'm not doing much writing or walking anymore. The oral medication has become something I'm dependant on.

I just do what needs to be done around the house and yard. Catch up with a few people here and there. But don't do a lot else apart from that.

Eude

[Sophia1]

hello @eudemonism

Cornwall is a beautiful part of England....it is a county on a southern peninsula..

I stayed at Exmouth and visited Buddleigh Salterton in the county of Devon next to Cornwall..

You would have heard of a cornish pasty perhaps...part of your heritage...Eude...

give yourself time...your motivation might return slowly 

[Sophia1]

the coastline at Cornwall Uk also showing the island of Scilly

[eudemonism]

Who knows? @Sophia1 I've pretty much got nothing to do with my time anyway...

All the professionals advice compiles to nothing really...

[eudemonism]

@Sophia1 @Bunniekins half my problem is... I'm mourning what my life could of been... I'm wondering why I'm suffering and I'm wondering why I'm not doing well... And all the mistakes and things that have gone wrong which I figure contributed to my situation are plain for me too see......

All that could be done to help me... Was done... And it was all based around living upto societies expectations... And having a good, decent and quality life...

But what my life ended up being... Is a real dissapointment... When I compare myself and my life... To others...... So I'm constantly or regularly feeling bereaved about what my life could of been... Or could be... Based on the expectations of society and also the expectations of myself... And from the standpoint of what I'd like my life too be like... And from my prospective of trying to manage my problems and my suffering...

And the system based community of professionals have diagnosed, medicated and managed... And made livings out of the whole process... And my life has wound up being no different then before the mental health system intervened... If anything I'm worse off and I'm more sick...

[eudemonism]

@Sophia1 I've done a lot of irrational, irresponsible and irreversible things in my life. All of it has haunted me for a very long time. I can't take any of it back. It is what my MI has all been about.

[eudemonism]

@Sophia1 if it could go wrong it did go wrong. And I'm the only one who is responsible for my actions. I spent a lot of time blaming and making excuses. It played havoc with my mind. It caused me huge problems. Always running and hiding and trying and wishing it would all go away.

[Sophia1]

@eudemonism

All of these incidents that you refer to happened many years ago..you have served your penance in all of your self blame...as you say affecting your mind..your sentence is over...no more punishing if you truly want to lead a better life..

keep on talking on here....

I do not want to overpower you with my thoughts

[Sophia1]

good morning @eudemonism

I hope that you had some restful sleep last night....

I struggled to get to sleep again....too late on the forums...so am going to make a huge effort to stop after a certain time...

The weather is cooler being autumn....everywhere in the garden so lovely and green now....green is one of my favourite colours...my affiliation with nature possibly...red is my other favourite colour...

When I stayed at my sister's I had so much time on my hands...no internet...

The thought of writing verbs jumped into my mind....as in doing ...being active words...

I made a list of two large sheets of paper....

I am trying to start writing and just don't know how to start...

That is as far as I got..

Can you remember how you first started?

[Sophia1]

@eudemonism

we often seem to do this don't we when we correspond to each other...think of something else after..

getting back to the active words...

Whilst I was thinking of them I felt lighter in mood and reassured that no matter how old I am...or how long I have been unwell...there is always a chance for me to enjoy my life more...