Coming to terms with reality

[eudemonism]

Yea im hearing you @Former-Member thanks for considering me and replying. I really appreciate it. The weather system thing is key to this little episode im having right now. Plus a bug passed through my system recently. Plus my uncle passing away only days ago. Gives me no reason to think and say the inappropriate things i do. But something has to give.

I have the right fleeting thoughts in my mind each day. In particular in the mornings. I just get distracted and skip too. "Im mentally ill " "reach out for help mode " "thanks to the system "

I listen to music from time too time. And i do a rendition of my own thoughts and words against it. In a rivaling and challenging type of way. Paraphrase the lyrics kind of thing... Like most things in life.

And yeah, stuck in the mind is no good place for anyone to be...... better of taking useful and positive action...... if I had acted on every positive and life giving thought i have had in the last few days, i could be feeling like the king of achievements right now! I would of been walking, mopped the floors, cleaned the windows, cleaned the cupboards, cleaned the desk, cleaned the linen, done the gardening, visited friends and family, donated stuff to charity, minimized, simplified, etc etc. And so on! (But instead i slip into mentally ill mode. Need help mode. Am Medicated and going through terrible side effects mode 24/7 365 "its an angry cycle ")

My dog is kelpie x collie he's great. He keeps me busy and occupied. He's well behaved for most of the time. He does chew things though. The fruit trees for example.

I think i need to prepare for these days and prepare for the storm. And have plans in place to help me get through. Stuff like prayer, meditation, relaxation techniques, books to read, friends to rely on and friends to help, etc.

You can change a few key words of my message and turn it into advice if you want which is what i should do for myself.

I'll YouTube those names

[Former-Member]

hello @eudemonism

nice to hear from you

having to battle side effects of medication is alarming as well as draining.

I am not surprised in the least that you don't get things done that you want to

This happens to me, I get sidetracked with my anxiety or depression nothing gets done then

I take so long to get things done on some days when I am not well

I just look at it differently if it doesn't get done and it is not life threatening so be it

I have been feeling better and slowly getting out

you might have very high expectations about housework which does not need to be done daily. Having animals does also create more work though

I have 2 cats who malt fur heavily

LIfe would not be the same without animals..great that you have your dog. I am more than sure that he gives you great comfort 

losing your uncle recently would have a huge impact on you

you could light a candle for him if that would help

there are a few different threads on here about grief and loss if you wanted to try and connect with others as well

Try not to be too hard on yourself when the day does not pan out as planned

you are having to deal with a lot...feel for eudemonism

I like the idea of putting your own thoughts and words to music. Does that help you?

well time for sleep hopefully

write back when you can ..no pressure..no judgements..just friendship

be nice to yourself is a new mission for you

[eudemonism]

Yea ok thanks @Former-Member im hearing what you're saying and its good to get an outside reflection upon things. One side of my mind. Is saying this is the way things should be for yourself. This is what you want. This is what youre intending. This is how to do it for yourself. And selfishly! Yes i have my own best interests at heart. Meanwhile, the other side of my mind. Is saying. Listen to me. Youre loosing out. Youve lost out. Looks at whats done it to you and doing it too you. Do something about it!

[Adek]

Eager vs Fear
Need vs Greed
Plight vs Fight
Retreat vs Retrench
.......

[eudemonism]

Society offers people this illusion of a heaven like lifestyle if you just tick all the boxes and try hard enough. When in actual fact you have to sacrifice yourself and your soul to even come close to obtaining and maintaining such a thing. And in the end... all that really happens is you become well integrated back into society and how it all functions which can only ever really be a negative outcome.

For me its a case of my egoideal side verse my idealistic side Hahaha its kind of laughable.

When in actual fact all i have is my realistic side to rely on when it comes to the crunch.

All these big words have a positive and negative prospective they use on me. It gets messy.

What hurts most is too think i am the only one dealing with such a predicament. But when i realize i am not. I take it a little easier on myself.

And just go with the flow as best i can...

[Former-Member]

hello @eudemonism 

I do agree with the offer of an illusion of heaven....it is exactly  that an illusion

being aware of that and choosing to not measure yourself against such ridiculous ideals is a healthy way..in my mind...of living one's life

living and functioning in society does not have to be a negative experience... if we can keep on believing in ourselves...that we are strong...we can find contentment in different ways for each of us who are different to each other

all sounds a bit hippyesh I know...it is this thought that keeps me going

I believe that when I am  true to myself and am able to have moments of wonder no matter how small, that life is worthwhile....

I think that you show great insight @eudemonism when you write that

What hurts most is too think i am the only one dealing with such a predicament. But when i realize i am not. I take it a little easier on myself.

I spent four hours gardening yesterday, weeding actually..resulting in stiffness ...felt good though

I find connecting with nature, playing in the dirt so to speak which is what gardening stems from for me, helps me feel calmer, more at peace with myself...similar to being on sand at the beach

@Adek how are you today? would you like to share some of your interests?

[Adek]

Hello @Former-Member. Thanks for addressing me. Am good...still ticking though bouts of fibromyalgia pain and stiffness keep eating on my nerves and muscles menifested from slight stessors around me. The BPD swings are much controllable now by refraining myself from multitasking. Despite that and having retired 7 years ago..am trying as much not to let the world just circles around me. Whatever activities i ventured into since then....no longer based on just interest but mainly considering the limitations i have healthwise. I love being knowledgeable and doing things right. Retirement opened up widest opportunity for me to catch up on what i missed throughout studying and working period. I obtained 2 certificates on baking and pastries right after retirement and supplied what i baked to my kids' schools. When that had gone too overwhelming i ceased and took up rabbit rearing course. I breed angora, nzw and lops for pets and sell them online. That went on about 3 years until all my kids had gone to universities. 2013 i ran out on helping hands and my last pet died last year. Slightly before that 2014-2016, took up various courses on alternative healing methods ie reflexology, acupuncture, wet and dry cupping, chiropractic and naturopathy. These came naturally since i did my undergrad and postgrad studies in biology. And since then 2015..i have been giving house calls to friends and relatives at my own pace..and enjoying every service and advice i could offer within my knowledge and practice. Though not much since i fell sick on and off but making myself useful to others despite my sickness makes a lot of difference. Still bake for my mom once a while, attend gatherings and classes to enrich my spiritual and religious aspects which i feel the truest factor that made me whole.

[Former-Member]

@Adek

oh my goodness!!

when do you have time to breathe

I need some of your energy please.

my traumas and depression have drained just about all of my energy and slowed me down so much.

I have to push myself so hard to get out and go for a walk yet I love walking so much. Took about 4 hours today eventually went as it started to rain. just put a jacket on and hood up. glad that I  went because  rain stopped. came home and gardened again for about 2 hours.

You certainly have done some interesting things in your life and I hope very much that you are proud of yourself. Your interests are so unselfish and yes you do have a wealth of knowledge.

You must tell me more about your rabbit rearing if you feel up to it. I had a pet rabbit at the age of about 13 and he was stolen. I was devastated.

I think that you are an ambassador for what can be achieved when retiring due to ill health

seriously you have woken me up...I would love to talk more with you

@eudemonism there is hope for change....read how interesting adek is

speak soon to both of you I hope

[eudemonism]

Yea i hope the system will change

[eudemonism]

The mental health system will not go unpunished for what it has done to me