Lived Experience Forum

[kcd]

I have recently been going through a break up. Six months in and i still cant return to work. my whole world has smashed into a million pieces. 

The relationship was never smooth sailing and i am begining to wonder if what i thought ws a small issue with depression and anxiety is actually something on a bigger scale.

The more i read the more i am starting to think i may have BPD.

I am always completely irrational, my x always told me i was delusional on a regular basis and swears things never happened that i was sure of. 

I am impulsive, it has ruined my life. I have an uncontrolable desire to act in the moment and it always hurts me in the long run.

I cant seem to just let my x be happy and have done so many horrible things to get his attention. i know its horrible but for a micro second i feel  better and keep doing it.

he kept asking me to change and i couldnt recognise that i had anything to change. but now i am so worried  about this behaviour. it went on for 5 years of our relationshipandi always blamed him but now iknow its me.

what do i do?

[Former-Member]

Hi @kcd

So sorry to hear about your break up and how bad you are feeling. Sounds like you are in place where you are questiioning so much about yourself that you dont have answers for... i've been in similar situations recently where i've just had so much said about me (going through family court) that i have lost faith in who i am and just so confused with everything.. so i think i can relate... 

For me, I know that talking things out, or writing things out to my psycholgist has been so helpful. I also see a psychiatrist but he is more about managing medications than anything else. I also have a support worker through community mental health who help to keep me grounded and functioning. mostly!

Is there any possibility of seeing your GP for a chat about all of these concerns/worries and asking for a referral/mental health plan so that you can access some support?

Also chatting here helps me alot too, hearing from others who can describe how they cope, what they do to keep going, recover helps too,

lj

[kcd]

thankyou lj, 

i guess i always just pushed through my depression each time we had a fight and what ever i had done was forgotten. now that i know i pushed away the one person that really loved me  i have to question why i couldnt stop the behaviour and know its certainly not depression i am suffering from.

i have never really explored my options in terms of treatment bc i always just tried the common things, exercise, talking etc to get through the bad times. but i do know that if i do nothing this time ill be alone for the rest of my life.

so gp first? i really dont know where to start

[Former-Member]

Hi @kcd

yeah i think GP first is a good option, they'll know what to do in your local area as i think from state to state things vary a bit. Sounds like you've tried lots of things that are good already.. i'm trying to increase my exercise and stuff but its difficult.

starting is pretty hard, but at least after that you'll have some direction 🙂

lj

[esprit]

I've just done some research and found the term gas lighting and an article about silent abuse . Have a read and make sure these things are not happening to you. Good luck and don't believe anyone who tells you it's not ok to be who you are. Xxx

[kcd]

Definitely not what is happening to me

[jem80]

Sorry to hear about your breakup. Relationships can be tough.  I was in an off and on relationship for 5 years and it was exhausting. Even though we gave it our best to sort through things, eventually I had to make the decision to let it go. It takes an emotional toll on you. My mental illness at the time caused issues. The best option would be to see a GP or psychiatrist to discuss what has happen and what the best way forward is.

[jem80]

Sorry to hear about your break up. Relationships are tough. I was in an off and on relationship for 5 years. It was emotionally exhausting. We did our best to sort through things, but eventually the healthy choice was to let things go. It takes an emotional toll. The best option to sort through this is to see your GP or a pyschiatrist to take the next step forward.

[supernova]

Hi @kcd,

Thanks for your post and welcome to the Forums.

Sorry to hear things have been so hard for you. It’s good to hear that you are interested in exploring options for support, sometimes making the first step is difficult, and finding out how to get help can be a little bit confusing.

As @Former-Member and @jem80 mentioned, the GP is usually the best place to start. They can do a brief assessment with you and provide with a Mental Health Care Plan and a referral to a psychologist/psychiatrist, depending on what kind of help might be most appropriate. Make sure to book a long appointment with them so that you have plenty of time to talk through what’s been going on. It can also be a good idea to try and find a GP who has a special interest in mental health – I’ve attached a little fact sheet here that has some good tips on how to do this. Hope this is helpful.

We’re glad you found us and look forward to hearing from you again. Please let us know if you need anything else – we’re here to help. If you want, you can also give us a call on 1800 18 SANE (7263) if you want to chat through how to get help.

All the best,
supernova.

[Former-Member]

Hi @kcd,

im still struggling and it's been three years for me. I have BPD traits and I get where you are coming from for much of this but you will need a diagnosis to really understand where you are at. I definately think its a good time to go see someone and find out what is going on for you. I do think it's really important to find a GP who will listen and may have some understanding about the kind of issues you are having. If you get a referral to a psychologist I'd recommend that you find someone who has a strong interest in the kind of things you are having trouble with too. Good luck with this 💜😊