Lived Experience Forum

[jem80]

Sometimes I feel isolated. I have restricted contact with people because I am afraid that they won't like me if I reveal that I have an illness. I feel that I have to protect myself from others. I feel that I can't be honest or open.

[Appleblossom]

Hello @jem80

It puts us in a double bind when we dont feel we can be open.

I guess this forum has helped me in that regard.

I hope you find support here or at least a sense that you are not completely alone.

Unfortunately, we cant be open with everybody ... as some will use our personal information for their own gains .. that is not paranoia .. that is experience and lack of naivete ..

I am not good at choosing who to be open with .. always trying to learn.

[Wanda]

Hi jem80,

Welcome to the forum. It’s fantastic that you have had the courage the be open and share on this forum how things really are for you. AppleBlossom talks about it being a “double blind” , I think on one hand when we don’t share it limits the level of intimacy within a friendship and also sometimes we need to push ourselves and test out are often misguided anxieties that tell us people will reject us. On the other hand however there isn’t any harm in being particular about who you do tell, and doing this in your own time. Im wondering what experiences people have found when they have disclosed about their mental wellness/illness?

[Alone]

Hi Jem,

If people don't like you because you have an illness that really says more about them than it does about you.  Not everyone will like you, heck some people don't even like me! 🙂   You dont need to tell everyone that you have an illness.  I've found not telling people unless they really have to know works best for me 🙂

Do you have a hobby or interest?  Maybe you could join a group where the focus is on something other than ourselves 🙂

[Sahara]

Hi @jem80,

I know what you mean. I have had around 15 years of experience in concealing my mental illness form everyone I know, including work colleagues, friends, family and acquaintances. 

The good news is that most people cannot tell you have a MI just by looking at you and interacting with you in a friendly, informal way.  You may feel that you are different than everyone else, but no-one else knows. 

People have such a huge variety in personality traits, anyway, that their peculiar little habits do not necessarily lead other people to jump to conclusions about whether you are unwell or not. 

I remember a show that aired on SBS, where a group of professionals, including doctors, psychologists and psychiatrists had to observe a group of volunteers who all had diagnosed mental illnesses. The volunteers mixed in with a group of people who were perfectly healthy and they all performed activities together. The professionals had to try and pick out which volunteers had MI and also what their diagnosis might be. 

They could not do it! The professionals had no luck what so ever in finding out who was mentally ill and who wasn't! So, if the professional don't know, how is anyone else going to find out?

The thing is this, you can form friendships and relationships with people and be very open and honest about what you like and dislike, what your interests are, what you believe in and value, etc, etc, and still not have to disclose that you have an illness. It does not make the friendship any less authentic.

Eventually, like, months or years down the track you may feel comfortable explaining that you suffer from an illness. Especially if your friend discloses something very personal to you and in doing so, shows that they trust you.

I have had very mixed experiences in telling people about my illness.

I felt I had to tell my husband before we got engaged, but it did not make any difference to him, fortunately. One of my friends said to me "You are very lucky he didn't run for the hills!" and I agree with her. I am lucky that I found a good man.

Another friend acted like she didn't really believe me or that I was exaggerating my illness. She just sort of said nothing and then changed the subject. 

My family tried to pretend there was nothing really wrong with me and it was just 'business as usual'. No empathy; no understanding. They thought I had to 'snap out of it'. 

[jem80]

It sounds like you have good support in your husband. It's sad that your family didn't understand. Unfortunately recovery takes time, a long time.